CONSTANCE, NIC, DINA, MARGO, JUDY, PAM, MARILYN, OTHERS??

oh yea--i remain one of the 47 million Americans who have no helath insurance and even if i had the $$ to get some i can't  right now due to a "pre-existing condition--wls!!!"  so- um...you probly can guess for whom i am voting on nov 4th!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm here, I'm alive and I must be in trouble if you used my full name.  I actually prefer it to Connie, but nobody uses it.

So health...  It is what it is.  Proud owner of at least 6 kidney stones, 5 on the left, 1 on the right.  The imbalance of weight causes me to swim in circles.  They actually don't bother me most of the time, but yesterday was a little rough.  I have another nephrologist appt in Nov and I'm reasonably certain that she will make me stop drinking iced tea.  The tannins cause kidney stones.  I need the caffeine to get through the day awake.  Way too many pain killers in my system.  The back is the back.  No better, no worse and all in all, I can live with it.  Had a rough time a few weeks ago when I couldn't walk and got the happy diagnosis of Piraformis Syndrome.  Yippee!  I have plenty of conditions and diseases, but not nearly enough syndromes.  It's up in the air whether the piriformis muscle or my bulging disks are causing my sciatic pain.  I've got to get through the holiday season before I tackle the back issue again so morphine continues to be my best friend. 

Work - Day job is stressful and shows no signs of letting up.  OK people, I have a confession.  I am resentful as hell these days.  I have a couple of people working for me who have weight issues and the related health issues.  I've been doing my job as well as both of theirs for some time now.  It's killing me.  I'm up at 5:00 am and on line doing business.  I'm up at midnight doing all three of our jobs.  I don't take a lunch break so I can get all the work done.  God knows that if anyone understands the cycle of weight and health and depression and weight and health and depression, it's me.  I'm tired of defending them from criticism because I understand that they are not lazy and I understand that it's not a matter of will power, but damnit, I'm tired.  I'm tired and I'm tired because they are overweight. 

Having said all that about job #1, job #2 contributes to being tired also.  It's a retail job and I'm on my feet at least one day a weekend and several hours a few nights during the week.  I just need to make it through the holidays and it will be over.  But here's the thing about job #2...  One of the things I like about this place is that the manager hires without prejudice against size or age or race.  There is a mix of shapes, sizes and colors which is unusual for a non-discount retail place in the more expensive areas around here.  I enjoy the people I work with, but I am one of the few that can run up and down the stairs of the storage areas and fit through some of the narrow spaces on the second floor where we store extra stock.  This means that while 3 out of 4 of my co-workers are standing around, I'm the one scaling ladders, running up and down the stairs, hauling chairs and tables and moving stock.  We're all hired to do the same thing, but not all of us can.  So don't get me wrong... I'm so very, very grateful that I have the ability to run and tote and fetch and I don't begrudge the folks that can't, but dang am I tired. 

So while I'm at it... Let me just open the door to the flames and arrows.  I didn't think about all of this before and didn't start out to write this or even thought about it before I started writing, but I'm starting to see the weight issue from the other side.  I swore that I would never forget what it felt like to be fat and I haven't.  I swore that I would never lose empathy for those with weight problems and I haven't.  I'm no twig myself and could certainly lose more weight, but I'm working two jobs where I'm picking up the slack because of the weight issues of other people.  I'm really torn on this.  I feel resentful for pulling more than my fair share and guilty for feeling resentful.  None of the people I work with are lazy or expect me to do their jobs.  They just all have conditions, issues and limitations brought about by their weight and someone else has to pick up where they leave off.   I'd really appreciate everyone's feedback on this.  

Jeez... I didn't mean to ramble and get off on a tangent.  You asked a simple question and off I went.  What was the question?

Lots of love to all,
Connie

Oh, oh, oh!  I did get my butt into a pair of size 8s this morning!  Maybe I should stop kevetching about all the running and toting and fetching.

You know what... unles they are wheel chair bound or have SEVERE knee problems because of their weight, in which case they wouldn't be working retail and on their feet to begin with, I say they are just being LAZY. Hey... I'm still obese and let me tell you, when i was in the 3's I STILL did my job. I STILL ran around. I never left it up to someone else. I did it with discomfort, but It was still my responsibility to do what was needed of me and using weight as an EXCUSE is not cosher to me. Just my opinion because I was there... I can speak about it. I'm STILL there. I lived it and unless I was absolutely physically unable to do something, I held my own. They may not be able to wriggle into a tight space, but I'm sure they can carry and walk and do their part. If they can't they have no business getting paid for a job they cannot do. Period. I don't mean to be harsh... but I would've been fired if I couldn't do my job you know? So I would step back a little and be like...look... you have to do a little more... easier said then done I'm sure... unfortuanately. but thats my opinion.

so sorry about all this mess you're going through. I'll bet anything you have more issues than they as far as pain and such. They have no excuse in my book. They may be a little slower and take a little more time... which is ok and so be it... but they cant use their weight as an excuse not to do anything. Maybe I feel adamant because I never did that and had more pride than to do that. Unless....like i said I couldn't fit somewhere you know? Then thats a bit different. anywhoo.... you take care of yourself! Dont let anyone run  you ragged... its just not worth it!!!  You put that foot down! (carefully though) you poor thing... Im sending up tons of prayers that you feel better!!! I hate that your feeling so bad!

I can just see your face when you did that, "Oh, oh, oh..." number about your size 8s - that's awesome! There's something in your "voice" here that's been missing, something that reminded me of that girl that used to post about the marathon sit-up sessions while she was watching tv -- not that I want you to go back to THAT, that was toooooo much - but this is the CONSTANCE spirit that's been a little bit asleep at the wheel of late. As for the obesity theory you raise - I think it's bigger than that - pun for the fun of it. I think we've just plain become a very lazy, complacent, self-centered society, which has created a whole bunch of problems, one of the most significant of which is severe obesity in epidemic proportions. But no matter our size, we're lazy and soft people - generally speaking. We expect to have done for us, rather than do for ourselves. We expect to be taken care of rather than extend ourselves to others. It's a societal mindset and it's toxic and it's killing us - no matter how fat we've become. I think if we attack the problem from THIS angle - holding people accountable, providing them incentive to go out and work in their communities, break a sweat to help themselves and help other people - learn what the heck a WORK ETHIC is again ... we'll see a sharp downturn in morbid obesity in this country. And you won't be doing the work for your employees. Case in point my dear, dear friend - why? Why are you doing their work? WHY ARE YOU ENABLING THIS BEHAVIOR? WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU FIRED THEM??? Why are you contributing to the problem instead of solving it? I'm not pointing fingers, I'm making a point - our society has gone soft. I still make my kid's breakfast - and he doesn't say thank you. He EXPECTS it, rather than FEELING grateful for it. Ok - your turn!    M.

Hey Reenie & all
 I haven't been posting much as I was in one of those funks that nobody was interested
in what I had to say or missed  me. The financial front really sucks, I am only getting 15-20
hours a week & still have 10,000 dollars in dr/hospital bills that can't be paid. My Mom
& I can't even buy groceries this week. pretty bad stuff. My diabetis is doing O.K, I try
to keep at low-carb but some days due to whatever there is to eat here has more carbs
than I should have. My weight is staying the same right now after losing the 15 lbs. I can't seem to get below that right now. I am walking 3-4 days a week & that helps my
attitude mor than anything. My back still hurts & may be a permanent thing as cant afford to continue with the chiropractor. I gave up my depression drugs the same time
I started on the diabetis drugs & just deal with stuff on my own. I don't think they were working any ways. Still have a big time problem with forgiving myself for getting rid of
my dogs & hate myself for panicing and leaving AZ as fast as I did. I don't feel I should
be putting more burdens on my Mom at this time & feel a lot of her financial problems
are due to me. So there you have it, Life pretty much sucks right now & just kind of holding my own in regards to the weight issues. The only bright spot is that the County
is working on getting coverage on Me, but had to get certified copy of birth certificate
from LA County before I know the outcome.
Ladybug Marilyn

Still Looking in regularly, but laying low.


Mike