I'M HERE!!!!!

hello everyone!!!!

I am at my local library using their wondeful computers due to the illness of my personal computer! its been a long few weeks and i miss her very very VERY much. have I said how much I miss her???

Anywho, all of a sudden I realized that I could go to my library and use theirs. Hopefully mine will be up and running soon.

I'm doing ok. Yes just ok.
I've been ill. Ill with low blood sugar nightmares. its not been good. I've been to the doctors a few times with it. I get so shakey and I can't walk. its pretty scarey. I've done this to myself. let me explain and please do not yell at me my kids, friends and guy have already given me enough yelling about it.
a few weeks back over the summer I was bummed cause of those stupid 15 pounds since my lowest weight. i worked so hard to keep it down and wanted to lose it I missed wearing my size 6 and the 10s had to go bye bye. i hate the 12's. so i did a stupid thing. for a few weeks no more than 4 i was using laxatives daily. yes. i went through a anerexic period using that stuff and not eating enough. i set my body to thinking it was starving which it was so it has decided to let me know how unhappy it is.
hopefully i've not done permanent damage. my doctor seems to think that with being exptremely good at eating everything and adding some good carbs that i should get the balance back that it should be at.
i'm ashamed that i did that and i'm ashamed that i got so wrapped up in the scale that i lost sight of how much in better health i was. now look what i've done! i've gone and messed things up pretty darn good now haven't i? I have to eat every 2 to 3 hours. No more forgetting cause i'm not hungry or i'm gonna be very sorry. i have to be sure to add good carbs and continue with the protein. drink the water all that stuff.

that 10 pounds that i lost. well i gained it all back in the past week of eating right. agggg! but i'm on the right track now and will continue.
sorry i've not been able to read everyones emails or even to find out what is up with eveyrone!
reenie i'd like to get together for lunch someday or even talk with you. i think i need the support of someone close by who i can call and keep in mine you can call me too!
I can pick up my personal emails at work so anyone *****sponds to this and sends me a message it will go to my personal email address and i will try to respond back.
thank you and please say alittle prayer for me and my stupidity! i'm doing good NOW!
hope you all are too!
love you all and miss you all too

Hey Pammy
 No yelling from me, but, you do know that you could have died from all of that, right!! Now you are under the right care & those 15 lbs are not worth it or you dying on us.
I am very glad you went to the Doc & got help. Take care & prayers for you to get your health back & quickly. Thanks for you update & hope you will be feeling better
soon.
Ladybug Marilyn

Oh Pammie... no yelling. You also realize you can slip into a comma with low blood sugar if its bad enough from what Ive heard. You be careful! I'm glad to hear you're back on track. We all go through these manic stages of desperately wanting to loose weight. But you have to be very careful with that low blood sugar thing. stay away from those laxatives and drink your protein shakes if you cant seem to eat. Get the ones that have a little more calories to them. That will help you get in the nutrition and vitamins and protein. Hang in there! We love ya Pammie and so glad you're on the right track!

Pam, I've missed you. I'm so happy you came back to us and told us what's been going on. I kind of knew something was up, listen, we're here for you no matter what, and forever... it's what we do for each other, today, tomorrow, always.  Listen (and Mike, this is for you too) - I went to the Middlesex support group meeting on Monday night and before I summarize the evening, let me tell you about a lady who spoke up; she had her surgery a year ago August. She hasn't lost all that she hoped to and she's depressed about it. She started talking about episodes of nearly passing out, shaking, sweating, we all know the drill - someone said "dumping syndrome" but I pressed her gently for some more information - I wanted her to get honest about what she was eating, how she was doing with her food and how health conscious she was being in her daily choices. At first, she was adamant - she was doing all the right things, eating healthy foods, she just didn't understand why this was happening to her and she was ANGRY that she wasn't diabetic before surgery but now felt she was! I said she needed to see a doctor but that she was having bouts of hypoglycemia and that she shouldn't necessarily consider herself a diabetic - and that this is becoming a hotbed topic, especially for people further out from the surgery, and that it needs to be taken seriously because people are passing out, losing consciousness, and by the way, can you please try to relate these episodes to what you're eating - I know how difficult this is for you, I'm right there with you on this - but are you eating sugar, foods high in sugar, pretty regularly? And she finally admitted that, yes, she had totally lost her program, she was deep in her old behaviors of eating garbage, she was desperate, she was gaining really, really fast, and she was having these very serious episodes of hypoglycemia while she was driving so that she had to pull over before she passed out. The moral of this story, my dear friend, is you are not alone in this! We must be gentle with ourselves and with each other. Pam, I'm in New London 5 days a week; there is simply no reason we should not be meeting together occassionally to give each other support and friendship. I NEED you. As for the support group meeting at Middlesex, it will be the last one I attend. There were about 8 people there - 8. After over 10 years of Dr. Aranow performing this surgery, 8 people, who almost all had regained their weight or were struggling mightily to not gain any more. There was a lot of anger and sadness and bitterness and talk about the holidays and what they were planning to eat and how they would take off that extra 5 pounds after the holidays - and no talk of health or exercise or protein or water (in fact, one woman said she was terribly constipated and I asked if she exercised - no; and I asked if she drank her water and she said, I kid you not on this: "I don't have to drink so much because I'm so short." She was about 5'4" tall.) I asked these 8 people at the end of the meeting, "can anyone tell me what the Rules of the Pouch are?" They all looked at me like I had landed from Mars. And so it goes. Sorry for the diatribe - I'm so thankful I have all of you. Maureen

OH!!!

WELL GOOD!!!  

Then I'm good to go becasue I haven't been drinking my water like I should and since I'M 5'4 I guess I don't need as much to fill me up.  SNORT... are there really people like that out there????  DOH!  my go**** just boggles the intelligent mind does it not???   ok...




  it was too funny not to laugh at though. HAHAHAHAHA!!!   I'd go just for entertaiment purposes!!!  hahahaha... (kidding).  man oh man. Drink less water if your short. MAN!!!!  hahahahahahaaaaahahahahaha!!!    'sigh' it really is ashame.  'sniggle' haha... HA!!! HAHA   

Gosh I'm sorry thats just too funny.  I know I sound rude... but that is just SO funny. its a first for me. But on the serious side... it really is ashame that these people have no true idea of what they should be eating. Or are in denial one. Sounds like denial to me. AND they are discussing the bad things they are going to eat then drop the weight afterwards??? Sheesh. Thanks for this because it just gives me more incentive to do what I want and get to the pouch rules and get back to the basics so that I can get to that point of release from food once again. Just throw your prayers at me!  ((hugs!))

thank you so much for your messages!

i have been very scared about what i had done and had it effected me. i'm feeling really good right now today. the past few days i've added more food  with higher carbs to my eating. even though i've done that i've also kept the calories under 1800 thats so much! i just keep reminding myself that its what i need to do right now to make me get back to healthy. as usual i am keeping track of my protein.

i can not get over how very quickly i went from ok to blah! for just 4 weeks tops i went crazy ok so crazier than usual! but that 4 weeks of stupidity really messed up my system. i'm not ever going to do that again.

Reenie thats terrible that those people did not know the rules of the pouch! only 8 were there??? it is a shame but you know if they continue to go they might give themselves support to get back on track as long as they have someone like you to help them along. Where was the doctor supporter at the group? wasn't there someone there from his office? didn't they usually have a support person who lead the group? I do hope that this hasn't all become a big old money maker only thing. that was one thing that made me so comfortable when i first went to Dr A.

we will have to get together. we work so closely to each other its a shame that we havne't gottne together for lunch yet.

with my job i am out on the road all day and usually can adjust my lunch times. please know that this is my busy season so while today i can be in gales ferry and made an appointment with someone there at 10am it could all change in a heart beat and after that appoointment i'm in plainfield at 11. it is a very crazy job but i love it.

do you have my phone number? I am at work right now came in early to take care of somethings hopefully tonight i will go to the library and check emails again. my email at home is chiwawa53 AT comcast DOT net does that make sense? hahaha

thank you again all
pam

They have hired yet another new dietician, and she was there. A very young woman, can't be more than 100 lbs. soaking wet - I'm sorry, but she can't have a clue what this is about. She could barely get these people talking, so well... someone had to. I think the poor little thing said maybe 10 words throughout the entire meeting. Ah, remember Liz, the dietician we had when we had our surgeries? Wasn't she awesome? I think this one's name is Liz as well - in name only, I went up to her to introduce myself and extended my hand to her - her handshake was, I dunno - like I was a leper or something. How can you be a leader when you are afraid of people like that? The other piece you and Mike need to know is Dr. A will no longer be seeing post-ops in annual check-ups. He has hired an RN to do these "exams" for him. Exams? You wait in his waiting room for over an hour, for a quick 3 minute - weigh-in, he asks how are you feeling, your blood checks out, ok see you in a year. Bye. I'm not going back. I think I will try the monthly support group meetings at Lawrence and Memorial, though - why don't you come with me to the next one? They are always from 6-8, the3rd Wednesday (I think) of the month - I always get the email. They always have a guest speaker - this month it was Dr. Bell, I didn't go, though. What do you say, Pam, let's go together, ok (you too, Mike, although I don't know how far away you are from New London)? I'm sad about Middlesex, it's really gone down the tubes. But we can support each other! Hang in there, it sounds like you're doing really well. I'm proud of you. Maureen

hi reenie, yes i can go to the L&M support group that would work better for me than middlesex cuase of the distance. please remind me ok?
feeling good right now but that all can change in a second. last night was bad. during the day yesterday not bad did the eating thing feels like every 3 minutes i'm eating. i never thought i'd ever say i was sick of eating but i am. found a shake that gives me the carbs, protein that i need with low sugar cuase if i eat too much of that not only will i get the low blood sugar drop but i also get dumping Oh goodie! geesh! gotta keep a upbeat way though only way to go.