A THEORY

I'm not going in there, not today. I'm not getting that woman's candy, I'm not stepping foot in that office. Do you know how I know this? Because I feel calm. Yesterday I felt AFRAID. That's what triggered it for me. FEAR. I think I'm onto something here!! This is very, very big for me -- I endured some things as a very young kid that terrorized me and I think at the root of my life since has been this foundation of FEAR that I've worked really, really hard to stay in front of, keep control of... so anytime I start feeling fear of any kind, it's a trigger... it triggers these ghastly feelings from when I was a little kid and that's when I learned to cope with food!  Hence the treks into the office for the crap food!! What was I afraid of yesterday??? Ok, you're really gonna think I'm over the edge here, but I was really, really afraid that something bad had happened to Connie!!! Yes, I know this is totally irrational (and I'm not pinning this on you, Baby Cakes!) -- I'm just connecting the dots -- I think this is what's going on for me!!! I think this is finally starting to make a little tiny bit of sense! What do you think??? M.

hmmm... i think you are onto something... and LIKE attracts LIKE... in a sense that this woman can cause any normal person to fear because she is one of those people that talks behind others backs in a very negative manner and you KNOW the woman is going to talk bad about you. hmm.... disconnect. the candy corn is evil.    I'm here for ya!!! We'll get ya through this!!! :)  now that you have an idea what the trigger is, you can work on calming the fear within.  Yay!!!

I'm struggling again today. I just mentioned to Joanie that I think my personal failure is more due to my head than my program. 'sigh'  I wish weigh****chers would work for me. I feel bummed about it and feel a bit... i dont know... ashamed i guess and a bit of a failure. I guess i am a bit of a failure since i have so much more to loose and cant seem to stick to the progarm. Although I know for a fact that if I stop eating this candy and crap that i will be soooo much better equipped to fight this battle. Any little amount of sugar or carbs makes me ravenous for the rest of the day... and i wish i could get it through my thick skull to kick it!!! I'll get there hopefully. I DID buy my protein drinks!!!!  But i walked right out of the house without it.  Go figure. between the baby and the boy and the husband and me getting ready all at the same time in a huge rush this morning... i ran right out without it. BUT i am sorta happy because i have this feeling that i could've really done it if i had my drink. I am actually sorta craving the protein drink! I really like some of them... sorta got hooked during my weight loss surgery journey.  (the pre-made kind) they are expensive though!!! thats the only thing. i like the eas chocolate and vanilla ones and LOVE muscle milk. LOL...  especially the cookies and cream muscle milk or the french vanilla... yum... i'm gonna do this darnit!!! 

Excuse me, Elizabeth, but.....you  are not a failure.

So take that!!!  You are a busy working mom who is trying to do the right thing.  That does not constitute a failure, not even close.  Take a little time to do some research....maybe you can find a plan that meets your needs right now.

Now I have to go pack!!!  Take care and be well.  Promise me you won't beat yourself up while I'm away!!!

Joanie