MUST READ

Are we all in a bad place? I am. Very bad. Have had a very bad few days. Very bad. Am up 5 lbs. in 3 days. Sure to be more after today's grazing on chocolate, all day long. I'm out of my mind with worry, I feel like I'm living in suspended animation in the galaxy, no life support, nothing to keep me alive but living still... man, oh man - have got to come down to earth... if you can get to this link, it's a good read. Don't know if anyone but me needs the help on this board - M.

http://www.wlslifestyles.com/cached/_downloads/2420/The%20Ma ny%20Faces%20of%20Denial%20Main.pdf

Very Good Read, Indeed!! Thanks

Ladybug marilyn

hmm... i can't view it for some odd reason. it says its opening but then doesnt. Hang in there sweetie! You'll get that weight back off. Lets try to stick with our short term goals. Set a new one and start anew. Don't beat yourself up about the gain. What's done is done and there is nothing we can do but go forward right? If we get too upset about our weight gain it will only stress us out and make us gain more. Try your very best not to think about it (thats what i do cuz if i did I would be so upset with myself more than i already am you know?) so lets bru**** behind us and move forward!!! I hope everything is ok. My prayers are with you. We're here for you!!! ((hugs!!!!)))

Elizabeth M

maybe this will make you smile.... i seem to use the word **** when combining words and awful lot.

like above. Bru**** and .... wi**** and... it****ting.    i keep gettting blocked and i'm thinking... why the heck is it stared out?? then I realize the combined words (if you combine them regardless of the space) is **** 

heh... funny.

hahahaaa....

ok try brush space it....   wish space it....  its space hitting.... for the word sh space it. 

hahaha...  boy are they analytical.

Thanks, my friend. It's not so much the gain that I felt badly about - and I've got that back under control - actually went a day without chocolate yesterday, had a piece today, just one piece and that's ok, that feels sane. And that's my point. I've just been feeling sort of not right in the head lately about the way I've been eating - the secrecy of it. I've been feeling - just can't put my finger on it, just very out of sorts, alone with it all, alone with everything. In fact, when I just read your post and you said, "We're here for you," my kneejerk thought was, "no you're not, no one is..." And then I felt immediately remorseful because I certainly know that you've been there 100% for me all the way! So I might just have to go away to be by myself for a while to try and figure this out. Just don't feel real good about stuff right now. What's that saying... The true definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting different results. I'm not sure if it's insanity - but it sure is denial. Love you, 'lizbet. M.

yeah, I totally get what you mean. no one truly "understands" how we really feel or think in our heads. But when we compare notes its awful darn similar. In your case you are in the 140's i think man... im still 230 she can't possibly understand. but then you've been there. not as stuck as I am... but you know what its like to be big. Even though I'm not thin now I still have the same addictive issues. just a bit different because of our individual struggles within. Then you say something like you said in this post...is it insanity to repeat the action over and over and over expecting different results... he!! cant count how many times I've wondered that same thing and want to yank my hair out.  I too feel all alone because in essence we are alone. individually. its a matter of being ok with who and what we are. i dont' want you to go away :(  but if it helps you then I support you wholly. but i hope you don't!!!!  selfishly I need you around. 'sigh' i don't think we'll ever get this all straight.  i guess live and learn. If only I could get the learning down right. i'm still waiting for my Opera "AHA moment." never happened. probably never will for me. one can only hope I suppose. hope. interesting word hope. I read this romance book... where there were these hotties who were gods (good guys) but they did a bad thing and released the demons that were being held within pandora's box. wrath, death and disesase etc... for punishment they had to house the demons within themselves so the world would not suffer the demons and perish. So they are the good guys with a bad side to them.  WELL one of the demons was HOPE! in the book the heroine was like "Hope is a demon? How can that be?" the twist was that... the demon Hope... made one believe in the very best and concnetrate all their will on something turning out good. They get their "hopes up" then when it doesn't happen they crash and burn. Hence hope being a demon. I thought.  HUH. what a hell of a spin on that. but so true. I gues the saying "Don't get your hopes up" means something. I say live for the moment make the best of it and let that be that. boy am i being philisophical today.  haha...

I'm just plain sad, Elizabeth. I'm sad at how mean and ugly people are, and deceitful for personal gain; I am reminded in this despicable political climate of the movie, "The Ten Commandments" with Charleston Heston - the scene where Moses goes to the top of the mountain and God carves the commandments into the stone with the fire flames from his finger - while at the base of the mountain, greed and gluttony and sexual perversion and murder reign supreme. I see a man who is running for office based on his own personal belief that people are basically decent by nature. But all around him is evidence of the truth of what we are. Liars. Hypocrites. We will do anything to anyone for our own personal gain fueled by despicable blind ambition.  I want to believe in decency and honesty and goodness - and there have been many times on this board that I have felt those values as we have exchanged our good will toward one another - and certainly with other people in other aspects of our lives. But what is happening right now is so ugly and so perverse... I'm very sad. Does anyone want to talk about this? Or is it totally taboo?