Up Up and Away...

What were you doing at 10pm last night? I had just returned from the barn after having watched Laela perform for a very well know dressage clinician and judge who essentially was blown away by her beauty and grace and powerful yet elegant presence and who told me she had unlimited potential for the sport of dressage - I was already on Cloud 9 as I walked into the house to learn that husband and cherub son had put up the 15' trampoline we had just purchased. The moon was nearly full, the night was balmy and I was feeling fine - "let's go," I said - and off we trudged to the circular thing, on which Devin hopped aboard with nary a hitch; I hesitated, noting it was chest high and immediately all those memories of tonage came flooding back - how was I ever going to hoist this body off the ground and onto that thing? "Come on, Mom, get on!" urged the 6'2" cherub. "How?" I asked dumbly. He looked at me as if I was an alien life form - I could tell because the flood light from our barn was aimed right onto his gorgeous soon-to-be-15-year-old face. "Just hop on." Matter of fact. Wazamattawidyu kind of answer. So I did. I just hopped on, just like that, as easily as pulling a bucket from a well. Jimminycrickets, will I ever get used to this? Devin and I find ourselves doing what we do best together, although more rarely these days, which makes it all the more sweeter when it happens - looking into each other's eyes and grinning together, like two kids with a secret, the kind that's made with bloodletting. "Go on, Mom. Jump." He's sitting on the edge. He knows what this means. He'd never say it out loud, but he knows. I start to bounce, so tentatively at first that my feet don't even clear the surface. The spring in the action feels almost like a tickle and I feel the stirrings of a giggle start somewhere deep inside of me. As I begin to bounce higher and higher, the giggle grows louder and louder, until I am roaring with laughter and my arms are swinging way over my head and the Man in the Moon is laughing with me and our chickens are cackling from their coop because they want in on the action, and somehow in the din of the noise I hear what matters most to me in the whole wide world - my son laughing. Out loud. There is joy in his laugh. He sounds happy. He sounds free. Like my body. Today, no matter the setbacks, the problems, the pain of the world - I will celebrate last night at 10pm. Love to you - Maureen

Aw that must have felt awesome!!! I'm not there yet to have that bit of realization that WOW! I can do this and this... i mean i can do a heck of a lot more than i use to...but i'm still past "weight restrictions" on alot of stuff which just depresses me. you sound like you had a blast! and nothing is better than hearing your kids laugh. Last night at 10:00 I was watching Paranormal State. My hubby and I always watch that on Monday and TAPs on Wednesday. And i just read my book the rest of the night tryign to relax for the little bit that i have to myself. keep thinking happy thoughts! ((hugs)) Elizabeth M

I was dead asleep, as I had no sleep for the 24hrs before that. Had some fun myself with the married man. (Yup, still seeing him on occasion.) I know this will open up a can of worms around here again. But, he is an addiction I just can't give up. He is talking about moving here to San Diego, so we will see if that ever happens. Ladybug Marilyn

I have to say...I am very disappointed in you, and I feel very sorry for his wife. Real men don't cheat on their wives....they confront the problem they are having and get help one way or the other. I guess he told you his wife 'doesn't understand him' or has some incurable disease. Marilyn, it's a very sad situation. Your time can be spent on better things. Sorry if you get mad, but that's my opinion. And when you post things like this that is one thing you will get: opinions. Joanie

Not mad at all, I know this always stirs up stuff. Not happy about it. Sure never thought I would be the one to be talking about it.(tried to give him up, just can't, yet) I know you mean well. Ladybug Marilyn

And here's my two lousy cents worth - I'm in a marraige that I am struggling mightily to save. We have been together for 23 years. He has slept by my side, both of us rolling in and out of each other's arms throughout the night, the days, the weeks, the years, through the good and the bad of it - and most of the bad of it has been since this surgery - or at least, we've been trying to deal with the bad of it since this surgery. But we're still together because we love each other. That much I know for sure. I have never slept with another man. He has never slept with another woman. If he did he would be a Eunich by now. I hate what you're doing. It's wrong. Being lonely or alone does not give you or anyone the right to sleep with someone else's spouse. I can promise you that his wife is every bit as lonely as you are in that marraige - probably more so, but she is still married to him. It's HER right to walk away from the marraige, not yours to walk into it. I will support anyone in just about anything and I wear my heart on my sleeve and I cry when just about anyone in the world is hurting - but not when it comes to this. Maureen

Hi Maureen & All Was never asking for support for this situation. I for sure thought I would give it up after moving away & WILL most likely still do that!! This was the last time I will make the trip back to AZ for anything. If it continues he knows where I am & will have to change the situation he is in if he still wants me in his life. I am NOT going to continue being a third party in his life. I have told him this & if it turns out that we never see each other again, then that is the way it should end. Ladybug Marilyn

Again, I will probably get myself in trouble, but the 'tough love' approach is really all I know.  Marilyn, YOU went all the way to Arizona to see this guy?  Have you no pride whatsoever?  This man has so little respect, he didn't even come to see you!  Look at where you are in your life right now.  Is this where you thought you'd be?  You need to tell this person to cease contacting you until the ink is dried on his divorce papers.  How can you do this to yourself?  I just don't understand. You need to find the good in yourself.  You need to love Marilyn.  If you did, you would never be in this situation.  Don't you have the slightest bit of feelings for his wife and family? 

I'm sorry, I just don't understand.
Joanie

I totally dont agree with what she's doing either. But in her defense, its an addiction. God we all know how hard it is to give up something we seem to have no control over. Including men and love. same issue with a woman who is in an abusive relationship... why does she stay??? its an addiction. A terrible horrible thing that people just can't seem to get a grip on and move on. 'sigh' I don't think marylin is the type to look at the other woman and say "Oh well screw her" im sure she feels bad for doing what she's doing. Step one Marylin.... don't you dare go back there!!! Like you said... find the strength to break it off. There are many men out there in this sea. Lots are crappy but there are good ones as well. its just not worth the pain that its causing on both sides you know? I don't think we should look at someone and yell how could you!!! whats wrong with you!!! whats wrong with me that I had stomach surgery and can't seem to kick the food habit and reach goal? Addictions are a terrible thing. I would hate my husband cheating on me and it makes my stomach curl hearing others with married men... but knowing the person doing it, it seeems more of an issue of having trouble moving on. Some women I have known in my life that have infuriated me are the women that purposely go for married men and are glad they are doing it... its a thrill thing for them. I don't think she fits the bill on that. Marylin... sounds to me like you know this is just bad all around. While we of course don't condone it... just find the strength within yourself to knwo that you are way better of a person than that and can find someone that you don't have to share and find another person who doenst have someone that can be seriously hurt by both of your actions. Its a bad situation all around. Hang in there and go on the web and see if you can meet other men. Thats where i would start. Let go of him. I know its got to be hard, but do it for yourself and do it to stop any further pain that can happen because of this. You're doing great so far woman!!!! kick that man to the curb for yourself and everone else involved.

Elizabeth M :wave:

ew not sure if im digging this new set up.... with posting and stuff... it looks so weird now.