Low Blood Sugar Scare

I ate crap yesterday. All day long. Started out with scones at a retreat. I hate scones. Ate 'em anyway, with some fruit. Loved the fruit, hated the scones but scarfed 'em like they were freshly sliced NYC style cheesecake. Then had some fudge, different varieties so had to sample. And of course, the candy. All day long, this crap found it's way into my brain and then into my mouth. Trying to fill the hole that is screaming inside my soul - the one that will never be filled no matter how hard I try...by the time I got home my head was spinning, I couldn't sputter a coherent thought and so I made a bee-line to my glucose monitor - haven't tested in many months. It read 54. That's pretty low. I don't know if it's dangerously low - but the way I was feeling, I was pretty scared. I hate food. I hate the power it has over me. I hate the way it makes me hate myself for wanting it so badly. I hate how sad it makes me feel when I abuse it instead of fuel my body with it. But I love how strong I feel today. Because I'm angry as hell. The day I let this demon beat me is the day I die. I swear to God. M.

Hi Reenie.....dont beat yourself up over yesterday..it happens to all of us...thats how we got here in the first place....just tell yourself today is a new day and have a fresh start. The fact that you are thinking about it and what you did will make you stronger and easier to resist the next time. I have to admit though the fudge would of been my downfall LOL...anyway TODAY IS A NEW DAY...GRASP IT!!!! Kimberly

Ah Reenie!!! BIG HUGS to you!!!! Wish I could give you one in person! Hang in there. I know how you feel. I have an empty hole in my soul as well. so many things on my shoulders that I don't like to discuss on the boards... you know, it always makes me think of that quote I mentioned before that goes somethign like this... when you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders it "Shows" or something like that. lol. I can never remember the exact damned quote. anyways... the more stress and the more we have to carry people the more weight we seem to pack on . Its the whole thing of taking care of everyone around us before taking care of ourselves. And by taking care that can be mentally making others "feel better" which is more tedious than anything in the world. We can't always make people happy and you know what... when people around us are unhappy they tend to sorta suck the fun out of everything because misery loves company... im sure you know what i mean. 'sigh' anyways... I'm there with you. We have to think of ourselves and just think...i have to take care of me! I hate it too when i make the bad choices. Count your blessings... i have never been under 200 and that sucks more than i can ever say because i'm only 5'4. 'sigh' its sooooo hard! i loss 100 pounds but thats it. I feel like food just consumes my thoughts 24-7 and i try to break that but its so ingraned in my head by now its pure habit. I just clench my teeth and like you... get mad and just force myself to get it together. I'm totally cutting those stupid carbs and sugar out even though im going nuts with hunger. Which is mostly all in my head and the sugar working itself out of my system. I know where kim is right now. shes in a good spot... getting past those first 2-3 days is torture but once you get past it its so much better. We'll get there! Be careful with that sugar! You know it leads to all kinds of nasty things with the low blood sugar and prancreas stuff we talked about a little while ago on this board. Hang in there!!!! start tomorrow! and if the liquid stuff doesnt work just do all protein. Love ya!!! HUGS!!! Elizabeth M

ahhh darling! move over on the bench! I am not sure why but right now it seems like everyone I know is dealing with TOO much! everyone has tehir own coping mechanism and mine is food, or cooking. I have made so much crap the past few weeks and fed my dad, my neighbors, the pastor's family...ugh... it makes me feel better for a minute but then it is gone and I feel that DAMN HOLE again... 54 is low, I was told, 60 is the "magic number" for low blood sugar. But if yours dropped suddenly then that is "more" where the symptoms came from. I really have to do this 5 day thing when I do not have stupid trainings and crap to deal with it makes it too hard to focus on the food when I have to pack and worry about what is there and stuff. yes that is an excuse, I know it is, and there is truth in it but if it had been something I really "wanted" to do and was dedicated to doing I would have figured it out. but right now it is almost like my cup is overflowing all teh time. gotta figure this thing out! HUGS TO YA NIC

Ya know what I have gained almost 8 lbs in 3 weeks being home with Mon again, Leaving my dogs, looking for work, starting over, leaving a scary situation without any notice & a very good man as well (even though he was married) Still a good man. I have been eating all kinds of crap that I was not eating in AZ. why just because I am bored & feeling sorry for myself. I start my new job Monday & hopefully that will get me back to some kind of eating schedule instead of going to the coffee or fridge constantly. I have been walking everyday, but it still was not enough. I have gone back to my Church & back to my Bible & prayers & that has helped quite a bit, but still can't stay away from the stupid sugar crap. HOpe you feel better & that sugar is a killer fo us we know it, but still eat the damn stuff. Wish I had answers. Ladybug Marilyn

Marilyn, I just wanted to tell you how glad I am that you are in a safer environment. I know your church was a good source of support for you so I'm glad you also have that going for you. It's important to build a good network of people who care about us and will be there in tough times. Let us know how the first day on the new job goes. Hugs, Connie