Connie, please check in

I'm very worried...Maureen

Quick check in. I've mentally answered everyone's posts, just can't find the time to put fingers to the keyboard. Sat vigil at Hospice for the last wee****il The Man's mother passed on. After that it was go go go because everyone was gathering at my home on Saturday. Most of the family was making funeral arrangements or cleaning out The Mother's things and his sister is planning her daughter's wedding so I spent two days cleaning and cooking by myself and never sat down or ate all day Saturday. Sunday, it all started over again for Father's Day. I have smoked ribs and pork shoulders and boiled beans and made salads and... and... and... I'm exhausted beyond belief. My eyeballs feel swollen and they look like road maps. It's not from crying, I'm just plain exhausted. I've thrown up twice today, again, just exhaustion. The memorial is tomorrow so things should get back to normal soon. As for eating, fuggedaboutit. I just eat whatever, whenever lately. I started to get back on track again today, but had a screw it moment and ate 3 ginger snaps, other than that, I was OK. I do feel bloated and crappy so know that getting back on track with food will only help. I've got a check up scheduled for Friday so I'll find out how my blood work is and if that has any part in my exhaustion. Hugs, Connie

connie; so glad that you checked in...so sorry the cir****tances right now- the man is very lucky to have you to do so much.and his mother's passing was a blessing? .i'm that samekindof behind the scenes pull it together person so i know how exhausted you can be yet you push on....i would pray that you were at least staying hydrated in the heat and all of the cooking? my own g'ma is dying...it's a waiting game right now.details some other time.and another "michael meltdown" this past weekend pushed me to the very brink and i stuck my toe over the edge...scary...... 3 gingersnaps? omg- i love em!!!! you will get back on track; you know what to do and you will do it...just please take care of connie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love and hugs

Margo, what do you mean by "I stuck my toe over the edge..."

i owe you a much better reply than i am going to give right now-am thinking in shorthand and it wouldn't make sense--soooooooooo just that michael's depression is being treated and it's still uncontrollable and mine isn't being treated and i was just ready to cave-not kill myself or anything stupid--just really over the edge-and i actually sat down and cried-didm't help anything--tried to sleep the day away-couldn't get to sleep--too many thoughts-none of them making sense--just a really really bad experience...and i just wanted it to end. i'm tired maureen-tired of all of the decision making and the care giving and the things that are beyond my control and the wrong choices and the arguing with him knowing that it is not really him --he wants marriage over so i don't have the burden of him anymore..taht's not him....and i was just at the point that i seriously considered leaving-running away.....but to where???? doe t hat make any sense???????? thx for caring enough to ask--it does mean alot to me.......

I know exactly what you're feeling. Do not go this alone, Margo. It's times like these when we feel like we are absolutely alone, like there is no one on the planet that gives a damn about us, no place to go to heal, to think, to make sense of things...that's when we sink lower and lower into our heads - find help. Make a list of EVERYONE you know that will hug you, extend a hand, listen, share supper with you...and start connecting. You are not alone. I want to know how you're doing with this. Love ya, Maureen

Margo, I've looked for a place that might be able to help with what you are going through with Michael. In retrospect, I wish I had gotten help with Dan instead of thinking I could tough it out on my own. National Alliance for the Mentally Ill of Hamilton County. For family members of the mentally ill. Group provides education, support and advocacy. 3rd Monday 7:00pm NAMI of Hamilton County 3805 Edwards Rd Suite 555 Cincinnati, Oh. 45209 Roz Dadas (513)458-6670 I'm still really worried about you not having insurance. This is Ohio's Medicaid website http://jfs.ohio.gov/OHP/consumers/whoqualifies.stm If you don't qualify for their program, they might be able to tell you if you qualify for another program. Ohio 211 might also be able to help. http://www.211ohio.net/ Some hospitals have a reduced cost program for low income folks. You might want to check with hospitals in your area and see if any of them offer reduced bills. Last, but not least, save yourself. If you need to make a decision between taking care of Michael and saving your own sanity, choose your sanity. Michael has options for being taken care of, but Margo is going to have to fight for Margo. Love ya, Connie

i have NAMI info from our county-didn't think of them-thx! (i'm in Sandusky cty) i have to go to the other web sites-don;t have time this morning-but i will connie--i am listening-i really am...and i know what you are saying here and i feel the love and hugs...i just can't leave him....not yet. thanks so much for all of this--all of you guys have been so wonderful in your caring... i cannot believe that i am in this spot.....i was working so hard to avoid anything like this-and the ins thing just hit us so hard when his employer pulled his stunt in february! between not having funds to buy ins and then companies saying that they won't write due to wls....i am not licked yet!!!!! i've always been a fighter and i come from strong pioneer stock!!!!!!!!

besides-i have to stay healthy--i have been invited to a slumber party in arizona next march!!!!!!!

Connie, Connie, Connie...hugs to you and then some. And a big squeeze for The Man. Maureen