...and i'm done.

wow. if i thought that anyone would understand or be dealing with some of the same stuff, i figured it'd be you guys. i honestly can't believe what a bunch of condescending judgmental individuals you all have become.

Awww Kym, I'm so sorry you feel that way. I don't think anyone was passing judgement, at least I wasn't. My response was just intended to give any information I have, without personal judgement. It's not up to me to approve or disapprove of anyone. I don't think we feel qualified to answer some of your questions. While most of us have had relationship issues, we probably haven't had the same slant of issues that you have. For that matter, no one has had exactly the same slant as Margo or Maureen or Joy or Joanie or Marilyn or... me. We did give opinions though and that happens around here. I don't think anyone here has not been the recipient of strongly felt opinions, especially when asked for them. I know that I've felt the sting of advice that I didn't expect and had to carefully consider whether I wanted to take it. I have to assume good intent and appreciate that someone took time out of their busy day to answer because they care. Perhaps the Sex Forum is a better place to ask only because people may have had more experience with this issue there. http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/sex_before_and_after_wls/ I hope you stick around. I've always enjoyed your posts and feel that the sum of all of our experiences makes for a stronger whole. Not only that, if I or anyone I know needs to explore the option of an open relationship, I'll know that you are a resource and have traveled that road before. If you still feel that you must go, go with my best wishes for a wonderful and healthy journey. Warm Hugs, Connie

You are a far, far better person than I...I'm seething.

yes, yes she is.

thank you, connie. i have always adored you, and you've helped me a lot. you're always open and honest and full of info. i wish you well too, sweetheart. and i wasn't meaning to come across rude or anything in this post, only trying to express my shock and maybe a little insight into why i'm leaving the site. i know i haven't been around all that much lately, but i did pop in every now and then to see what was up. but now, aside from you and a couple of others, i no longer care about these people. and that's a little disappointing to me. thanks for always being there for me when i needed it. you really have meant a lot. take care of you. *hugs* ~kym

Huh, what an interesting interpretation...what I read in response to your question was sincere interest in what you are attempting to deal with and genuine support. As a person who has been intimately involved with this board on a damned-near daily basis for over four years, I cannot stand idly by and let you trash my friends, people whom I feel have become my family, a part of me. So, now I am happy to condescend and judge - in a phrase, honey, get a grip. Go out and do what you gotta do but not at the expense of other people, particularly your children. Your husband is an adult and can make decisions for himself - and why he's chosing to stay with someone who needs to sleep around is something I can't wrap my head around - but too often, people bring children into the world when they can't see beyond their own childish self-interests and self-perceived needs. Parenting is the hardest gig in the world, second only to marraige. If you are not committed to either, get the hell out of their lives. This forum is open to anyone who is sincerely interested in sharing and caring about mutual health and personal growth - but not at all to people who ridicule any of the people here - and for my part I will add I am not interested in hearing from anyone who can't see beyond their own petty world of narcassistic self-interest, satisfaction, and satiation -- sexual or otherwise. Don't let the door hit you too hard as you leave - and don't ever smear the folks who took the time and trouble to respond to your post again - condescendingly yours, Maureen P.S. I personally think you look like hell - you should see a doctor or something...

I am sorry you feel that way. I was not trying in any way to be judgemental. I don't know you, of course, only what I've read and seen on this site. After all...we are what we are....I'm sorry I could not give you the answers you were seeking. Sometimes, when we ask a question, we may not get the answer we were hoping for. We've been a tight-knit group on this board, and I know you haven't posted in a while, so it was hard for Reenie to accept your post. I hope you can get rid of your anger and find some happiness in life. Joanie

thanks, joanie. i can understand that, and i'm not angry at all...just surprised. really, really surprised. take care girlie, ~k

i was not going to give you the satisfaction of a comment however- i just never know when to keep my mouth shut so ..... you are out of line here. period. and if you are done-then go.don't hang on and argue . when i first saw your initial post; i pm'd a very dear friend of mine who does have an open marriage and asked her to please speak with you -she could offer suggestions that you had asked for and she would be able to offer a positive swing. whether or not she has taken the time to do so ; i don't know. in my response to you; i mentioned that i was on the other end of something like that and it was not something that i could abide by--i did not call you names or cast stones-i couldn't abide by it and i got out-that was my choice. i DID mention that i thought that we were not who you should be speaking with--i guess i should have expanded and mentioned the sex board as connie did--she is good--she offers help! i kindof meant that you really need to be talking with your husband about this....this whole issue is between the two of you. if you have, in fact, checked in ocassionally you know that some of us marchers have had some marriage issues since surgery- and in that respect , you are right in line in asking questions.. i guess i was not prepared for the question that you asked. kym...we never met--we tried when you were in michigan and one excuse after another came up for you not coming to support mtgs...no biggie--you are a grown up and can make your own choices- however; they do not have to be inflicted upon us. trashing the group is not called for- it is immature and it serves no purpose. as for those of us who have no life and come to the boards-wow---- for some of us this is family.......like a coffee clatch ...cathcing up on life with friends.....where we feel that we can trust others. i will not answer any further posts along this line of trashing the rest of us....i am sorry that you feel that we were judgemental.as it was pointed out-you asked .......if you cannot bear to hear the answers-don't ask the questions.....

actually no, i didn't ask to be judged. i didn't ask for anyone's "opinions". i asked for advice and suggestions. i thought that maybe someone else on here had found out that they are COMPLETELY incapatible sexually with their partner after surgery. i never asked how it would effect my son. i never asked what anyone thought of my clothing or pictures. i never asked for an analysis of the root of my intimacy "issues". i just wanted to hear from people who had experience with this or something similar to this...or even from people who knew friends or family that might be dealing with something like this. i never intended for it to turn into something like this. and i'm not trashing anyone. i didn't get into any detail, but i felt that i had to say something. i've never been one just to sit back and let people (what felt like) attack me. i know some of the ones that responded meant well, and some actually helped. the others? well, that post was for them. the trashing started when reenie came at me full force demonizing me for everything under the sun. it wasn't anything personal at all until then. it was just a general feeling of being judged and overwhelmed and i figured at that point that things have really changed around here and it's not for me. so i left a short little post about why i felt that way. i didn't single anyone out. i didn't point out anything in particular. i don't know. i just feel like reenie's sitting back throwing stones at the "sad, poor, gothic wench". haha i'm just really amazed at how things have changed on this board. i remember a time when we could ALL talk about ANYTHING. and i don't have a problem with this board or this site. it's great info for a lot of people. but to still be sitting around watching it every day after four years has passed, is honestly quite sad. i can see checking in every once in awhile. but if things are so bad in someone's life that the only thing they have to look forward to, the only thing that keeps them from being lonely and depressed is some typed words on a computer screen...then there's a problem. and i've seen quite a few of her posts here lately, and i really think maybe if you diverted all of your eyes from the pervert standing in the room, that you might see how truly miserable reenie's become. she was never like this. and like i said above, i am honestly just shocked by her behavior. i honestly believe that any of you that truly care about her and consider yourselves her friends should really put some focus on her overall mental health and well-being right now. because as pissed as i am, i'm still human...and i'm worried for her.