DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT STOP

Don't know how to stop eating through my sadness; the more I eat the sadder I become. Very depressed, low energy, exhausted, lonely, lonely, lonely...please don't tell me to see a therapist, between the investment we've made in individual and marriage therapy for the both of us over the past two decades, I could have fed a third world country. And here we are. And I can't stop eating. I resigned as a SG leader at my surgery hospital; I doubt I'll continue writing the column for WLSLifestyles Magazine. I just want to sleep forever. Maureen

I hear your cry....I cannot do anything much but ........here is a hug for you,,,,,,, the only suggestion is an antidepressant. I am on Lexapro and it seems to work for me.

Heres another hug coming your way. Prepare yourself cause you'll be receiving tons of them. Nothing I can say that will help other than we've all been there and some of us are still there. Your cool your great you just don't see it right now. HUGS!

Who are you and what have you done with Maureen??? If eating is making you sad, then why are you doing it? AND...if you were sick with any other kind of disease, you would see a doctor. The therapy excuse is not working with me. Get back to your doctor, get back to the therapist. I'm sure you have lots of friends (including us) who love you. If you feel lonely, go out with them. See a movie. Go for a walk. Go out for coffee. Your eating---is it bad eating? are you at least eating healthy? I really hope and pray you get the strength to get the help that you need. You are such a loving, kind and caring person. You deserve the best life has to offer. Now go out and get it, because it isn't going to knock on your door and pull you out of bed. For once...JUST ONCE....think of yourself. Do what you need to do for YOU. You may need to be on some kind of medication....Prozac or something of that nature. Personally, I think they should put prozac in the water supply so everyone gets it. Reenie, I want to hug you, but I also want to do the Cher thing in the movie Moonstruck, and say...."SNAP OUT OF IT!!" Please get the help you need and take care of yourself. LOVE YOU! Joanie

Maureen, Bear with me while I ramble... I don't think I understand why the weight loss community thinks it makes sense or is emotionally effective to just give up a support system that someone has had for 20, 30 or 40 years. I don't know a single soul who does not depend on some sort of addiction for emotional relief. I don't care if it's shopping, gambling, eating, exercising or chewing nails. I would seriously love to meet the person without a single addiction. Is there anyone on this board who doesn't have an addiction of some kind? Look at the rate of cross-addiction after wls and that should be a huge indicator that this is no piece of cake. Surgery was easy. Dropping 120 pounds was easy. Beating my food addiction has kicked my ass. I looked at what has happened with everyone I know who has had wls and made a concious decision to keep my food addiction. As crazy as that sounds, I decided to stick with the devil I know. I look at friends who have had wls over the last 5 years and as insane as this sounds, the ones who stuck with the food addiction, as opposed to switching to alcohol, sex, shopping or some other addiction are in the best shape. OK, that's with the proviso that they have some sort of control over the addiction. Hence sticking with the devil I know. I'm not successful at battling my devil 100% of the time, but as long as I'm successful more times than not, I'm ahead of the game. I just have to set my own terms about what constitutes success and not be too hard on myself. Did I eat a burger without the bun and 5 or 6 or 8 or 12 fries after work today. Yup. Could I have made a better choice? Yup. Did I want to stop for fast food on my way from The Man's house tonight? Yup, but I didn't. There's a victory. In the past, I would have stopped at the drive through, ordered two meals and two drinks, jumbo sized them both and tried to make the cashier think I was taking all this food home for someone else. How many times did I order two drinks so the cashier wouldn't think I was going to eat all this food by myself? Think of behavior modification for small children. Acknowledge and praise the good behavior and ignore the bad. Yeah, I ate a dozen fries, but I didn't eat the whole box and I didn't stop for another burger on the way home. Good on me. I have a hunch that you are having many more victories than you give yourself credit for. In spite of my rambling and long-winded last paragraph, here's my advice for you my friend. Accept that you have a food addiction and stop trying to battle yourself on that front. You're in a spin about the food, but Maureen, that's not the issue. Forget about the food. Eat what you want - for now. Weight be damned. Forgive yourself. The issue is your depression. Worrying about food just fuels your depression and leads to a downward spiral. I'm not saying that you should totally spin out of control for the rest of your life. I'm just saying to set it aside for a while. So tell me Maureen, what fills you up? What charges your batteries? What puts a spring in your step? For me, it's having friends and family around for a party with lots of food, laughter, music and a little booze. I love planning and setting up. I love the process of gathering the supplies, cooking with love, making sure that everyone has a good time. My favorite part is after it is all over and I'm discussing the events of the day with The Man. I also recharge my batteries by creating. I do stained glass, paint rooms, tile floors. I'm not all that good at any of it, but it makes me feel good to bring an idea to fruition and know that I did it myself. I'm not asking what makes you happy. I'm asking what fills you up emotionally. Maybe it's time for a new dog. What about volunteering at the Humane Society and waiting to find the perfect dog for you? I know that you've been through years of therapy and you could probably write a book by now, but don't dismiss Joanie's suggestions out of hand. She's right in that you have to persevere. If you're on meds and they aren't working, find another medication. If your therapist isn't helping, maybe another one or perhaps group therapy instead of single or couples therapy. Maybe you need a break from therapy and just finding the right meds will help. Don't give up. One foot in front of the other. You can't sleep forever Maureen. We need you. Love, Connie

Thanks everyone - you give new meaning to, "...when you can't walk I'll carry you." Maureen

I just want you to know that you are scaring me. Love, Connie

No, no, no, don't be scared. I'm just down for the count right now. So far today, though, no M&M's, no bad eating. I woke up absolutely resolved to take care of myself - just for today. I am also taking Devin to the barn with me tonight - he is going to be my videographer, he will record my ride on Laela using our camcorder. We will spend time together and he will be doing something other than raging at home or getting lost inside the guts of our computer. Two good things in one day. Don't be scared, Connie, I'm sorry I frightened you. M.

Hey Maureen Mmaybe if you here some of my recent problems you will feel lots better. Here goes. 3 weeks ago Billy moved into my place with his other girlfriend no less * thinks it. o.k. So while he & her are sleeping in one room I am in the other. So needless to say we are done & just friends at this point. He has made his choice & I will be fine with being roommates as I need his financial support to survive. He want to have both of us & that is just not going to happen. I have put up with lots from him, but, sharing hime is not going to happen. I have been seeing one of his friends & having a pretty good time & he is actually jealous. TOO BAD not my probelm. Move another female into my house & think it's O.K NOTTTTTTT in this lifetime. Now don't you feel better. Hugs to you Marilyn

Maureen, I admire so many things about you-- your honesty, your talent with words, your caring spirit. But I think what I admire most is your determination to get up one more time than you get knocked down. You are one tough gal! I'm sorry life is so hard on you. I so agree with everything that Connie said -- you need to try to be a friend to yourself, not a critic. I hate it that everything is so rough on the home front. I know that you are trying to soothe that pain in any way that you can. Are you still getting outdoors and walking? Are you still singing? Are you still riding your horses? These are the kind of things that refill your empty cup. It is tempting, when we are feeling bad about ourselves, to give up on doing the things that set us up as examples for others. We feel unworthy. This just makes it all get worse. Those around you struggling are not critical of your struggles--we are all inspired that you are still in there fighting. And you are so gifted at being able to share your struggles. You put into words what all of us are feeling at one time or another. What makes you a worthy example is that we can relate to you and that you are still trying, not that you are successful in everything that you attempt. Am I making any sense? Thank you for what you always do for us here on this board. We love you! Joy