holding on...

by my now chewed off finger nails! my mental health is somewhat shaky...I am allowing myself to be a wreck, I am allowing myself to cry in front of the my children, I am allowing myself to let others do what ever they want to help. I am now making myself, eat, clean the house, do the laundry... all the things I allowed myself to stop doing... I am allowing myself to not be involoved in any of the mother's day activites at school and church. we are going to a local indoor water park, where if I cry no one will know, my eyes will be red from chlorine anyway. My dad is now about done with his list of things he has to do and now is starting to be "alone". I don't know how to comfort him. thank you so much for all your emails and love. I am not online very often any more so it was nice to see them during a night when I couldn't sleep. I have started crocheting a prayer shawl to give to my Aunt, my mom's sister who has breast cancer. I am going to be starting a prayer shawl ministry at our church it is giving me so much peace to sit and "sew" and pray and cry. I think the idea of this type of ministry is one I can devote some time too and enjoy and help others get some comfort from as well. It is also a way to feel close to my mom, since she is the one who taught me how to "sew" and it is something she would have been happy to be involved with as well. much love nic

allow yourself your greiving---your prayer shawl ministry sounds wonderful.... allow yourself to be loved....you are! hugs and prayers from your "sister " in ohio

You are listening to your body, your heart, your soul, and you are doing what you need to do...be well, Nic. Stay close to us. Maureen

Nic, It sounds like you are doing all the things you're supposed to be doing. I think the prayer shawls are a marvelous idea and this will probably bring you some kind of peace. I can't remember where I heard it, but someone said that grief is life's reward for having loved well. Well, they probably said it better than I just did, but you get the idea. Don't know why, but that thought helped me when I lost my grandmother last month. Grandma taught me to sew when I was 7, taught me to cook and pick vegetables and inumerable other life lessons. She taught me that people are more important than things and that it's great fun to put hairbrushes and mashed potatoes in somebody's bed. Grandma was a little crazy. I miss her. Well now I'm sitting here crying while I type. lol Hugs, Nic. Big, sloppy, wet hugs. Love, Connie

You sound so much better, God will get you through this & yes, the prayer shawls sound like a great relief for you. Take care & keep in touch when you can!! Big hugs & prayers for your peace to continue & improve. Ladybug Marilyn