cross post (mine) from over 50's board

Topic: fears.....this could get heavy folks....... do you have them? do you face them? how? i have really pondered this for a very long time and i think i am afraid to be successful at this weight loss thing...for a few reasons... one-it costs less to just "stay" in the same clothes....oh i know thrift stores and trading clothes etc...but it really does cost money to lose weight --there's the undies the shoes the tops the bottoms the dresses...the whole shebang.... so when the economy was /IS! bad...stay where ya are , margo, don't rock the boat and don't lose weight.... even fat foods cost less..pasta and rice and all of those easy carb foods...protein..in any form is more costly...fact. two-once upon a time; this lil 5'1" frame weighed 99# and had perky lil tatas and could wiggle when she walked and was a true tease...for fun...my fun!!!!!! so there is a fear factor that maybe if i lose all of my excess weight and get to where I want to be( which is NOT 99#!!!! ) i might start the flirting /teasing game back up and i am now quite married....when i was down closer(within 25#!!!) to goal (before m got sick in 2005) i was already starting to feel some of these feelings and it scared me.....then he got sick and i was sure God was punishing us for my thoughts..... three-this one is difficult to articulate properly---when i was growing up, i remember that we never "wanted" for anything-not wealthy but never "poor"...tho--the kitchen cupboards were quite empty --no pantry no larder no "in case"---and the frig and freezer were quiet the same...mom shopped every weekend until i took over in high school ...so do i possibly surround myself with excesses of food because of that??? i do know that during the late 70's early 80's my first hub and i did hoard due to the ever looming "layoff".....after all we had three young kids to feed and food stamps only went so far IF you qualified for them..... there are obviously other "issues" to my over eating or not eating properly--we all have them...however; these fears are real in me..prior to wls i had the fear of someday becoming diabetic or of heart problems--oh my--when m had his quad bypass...i kept thinking it should have been me on that table --he was always healthy-workaholic farm boy-- i was sedentary...we both did food damage to our hearts but it shoulda been me--well-thank God it wasn't but.... one of my biggest issues is that i am simply lazy and undisciplined as to what goes into my mouth..and for exercise...and i passed the presurgery psyche eval with flying colors !!!! but this post isn't about those things! do i face my fears? i am trying to...how?? i cannot afford therapy--i have no health insurance...and i cannot seem to find an OA group within 30 miles of me...many of you understand my feelings but it isn't enough...... i was/am considered a lightweight meaning i had just ( or less than) 100# to lose with surgery--at my one year visit i was considered successful by my surgeon--i had lost almost 80# of my excess weight and i was doing well.... what happened???? michael got deathly sick and i stress eat--did my stress whatever it's called hormone cause this???what is it cortisol???? i wasn't even overeating so much as piling tons of stuff on that take out salad at the hospital....i KNOW how to eat properly and what to cook and i don't drink with meals or for 30 minutes after and i try not to snack and graze-watch out for mini pretzels folks-they will trick you and lull you into false security!!!!!! and the stresses now with michael's health and then add money issues on top-wow--just getting thru the day somedays ...today is promising to be one of those judging by what i woke up to with him...i just keep asking God for strength but i need to take care of margo in this battle..... anyone wanna share their fears or coping skills..........if the fears are too hard to share, i understand and respect that...but-use this post as "food for thought"!

Great "straight talk" post, Margo. I'm not going to minimize your issues by countering them with suggestions on how to look at things differently. We all need to be heard and valued for what we think and feel. What I can offer you is what is working for me; not all the time, certainly, but enough of the time that I've been able to keep my weight down below 160 since having surgery in 2004 at a high weight of 360. What is my 'magic bullet' is the simple strategy of redirecting my energy toward doing something that feeds my passions and provides me with a great deall of joy. Think about this: it takes a great deal of time and energy and effort to obsess about food. All that thinking about what to eat and when to eat and how it will taste and what it will satisfy and how badly it will make us feel and then the cycle starts all over again, all of that kind of thinking takes an enormous amount of time and energy. Now, if you can picture a large canister of some sort, a "container" that is the keeper of your own personal stash of energy, all your life energy is in that container. Put it there. Now that it's contained, you get to decide where to direct any or all of it - just like shopping at the store. You've got $20 in your pocket so you get to decide what to buy with that $20 bucks. So too, you get to "spend" your energy. What has worked very well for me - and continues to work - is that I am "spending" my energy on something I love, something I feel extremely passionate about - something I COULD NOT DO at my pre-surgery weight. I ride horses. I enter competitive horse shows (just took 2nd place this past weekend). And BECAUSE I am directing my energy toward passionate living, I CAN'T direct it toward obsessing about food. Is this perfect? No way, I've had many periods of mismanagement of my energy as you all well know. The point is, your life energy is yours to do what you choose. Find a passion that just belongs to you. And enjoy the hell out of it. I promise it will make a difference on how much you are thinking about - and eating - food. No excuses about money woes, we are all suffering financially right now and this is going to get worse, not better. Our country is in serious trouble. But it doesn't cost a dime to take a hike in the woods, to read a great novel in the sunshine, to volunteer at a non-profit or even a neighborhood elementary school or hospital, to begin writing your own great novel...whatever you want to do with your energy, do it - but redirect it away from food. This is what is working for me. Ask yourself this - what have you always wanted to do but have never pursued? Now is the time, my dear Margo. Do it now. Love you, Maureen

The bottom line is....it is really tough to keep the weight off. BUT----I think too many people looked at it as a 'magic bullet' to weight loss....have the surgery, lose the weight and never have to think about it again. WRONG! No matter what stresses are going on in our lives, we MUST incorporate healthy eating as a lifestyle change. You just have to find a way that works for you. We are ALL guilty of overindulging from time to time....that is called 'being normal.' Now we are looking at the world of revisions. If your body has a physical problem causing you to gain the weight...have it fixed!!! If there is NO physical problem, then it's in our heads and WE have to fix it. My doctor told me people are coming in droves to ask for revisions. Upon examination, he does very few. Nine out of ten times, it's people not following the rules or watching what they eat. And that does require a revision...a MENTAL one. He also told me of a very obese woman coming into his office wanting WLS and he told her no. He said after talking to her, she was a poor candidate mentally for it and would gain the weight back, which in the long run is even more unhealthy than not having the surgery at all. I had fun reading your list of excuses....I'm assuming it was done tongue-in-cheek....right??? Take care of yourself! YOU are number one! Joanie

welll.... hmmm.... I know for sure that at my lowest weight size 6]8 (how I don't know but 161 pounds) I found that by being myself which is a normally "fun, easy going, slightly flirty" girl, I got very, VERY different results from men that were just my friends at 300 pounds. I made some bad choices, I made some bad choices, I made some BAD choices and viola...25 pounds came FLYING back because at a size 14 I can be the same me and not get the same reactions. I do not want to be size 14 nor do I want to ever be a size 6 again either. I don't want to change my insides any more than I already have to make sure that I do not put myslef in a position to possibly make more BAD choices that do affect more than just me. I fear myself all the time, fear my choices, fear my willpower, fear my fear basically. I am on the hunt for a therapist I really like that deals with food issues. but I want some one good not the ONE that my EAP @@ phone service says is good, I want to know someone who has been there and says yep good! Nic