Where do I begin?

Hello fellow Marchers! It's been a very long time. Occasionally I check in on the posts, but I've been really shy about posting. However, since Reenie asked me SO nicely, I decided to stop by and give you the latest on me. I caught up on some recent posts and see that everyone is being refreshingly honest about their lives....sex, food, marriages, jobs, families, addictions, etc. Isn't it amazing that we are all scattered across the US and we face the same types of challenges and demons? It's been over a year since my divorce was finalized. My ex and I had a long, drawn out battle that started July '05 and ended in November of '06. Prior to the beginning of the end, it was a miserable existence. We started our downward spiral long before we ever admitted it to ourselves or each other. Here I had lost 80 pounds in the first few months after WLS and the idiot I was married to never even saw the transformation. We were no longer intimate - we were basically just roommates sleeping in the same bed. I stayed angry at him most of the time, and most of the time he chose work over family. Even though the divorce was inevitable, it still hurt like hell. It's one of those life experiences that, until you go through it, you have no idea how painful it can be. One day I would be fine - happy, even and then a song would come on the radio or I'd see something in a store that I thought he'd like and I'd fall apart. There were days I didn't want to crawl out of bed. I thank God for my children, my friends and my family. They are what I needed to keep going. Through all of this, my best friend since age 16 was by my side - telling me that it would all be OK and that it was perfectly fine to be angry - to be sad - and to be scared to death to be on my own with two children. Well, my best friend and I are now engaged to be married (oh - my best friend is a man, in case you were wondering!). He has been my rock, my challenge, my confidant, my lover, my soft place to land and my best friend in the world. He adores my kids and my kids adore him. He is my prince. I've never been happier or felt more beautiful. He lives in Georgia and I in Texas, so it has been a difficult relationship to manage, but we did it. He's working on getting a job transfer to Houston and we are closing on our dream home at the end of the month. Our wedding date will be 08/08/08 at sunset at my favorite beach in Florida. Woo hoo!!! I can honestly say that I have never been happier. The weight? Well, not so great. I've used food as a comfort my whole life and I fell back into the late night sweet snack habit. I've gained the 80 pounds that I lost after WLS. I haven't worked out in forever - there's always some excuse. I've looked into revision surgery, but my insurance won't cover it. Perhaps when I get on new insurance in August, I can revisit that. For now though, I have a wedding dress to get into.....on the beach no less, so I have a goal and will focus on getting healthy and feeling good about my body again. I'm quitting my dead-end job after we close on our house at the end of the month and hope to then concentrate on getting my ass to the gym and making better food choices....all while coordinating a move, setting up my new home, co-habitating with my fiance' and his 2 dogs and 2 cats, taxi-ing my kids around, caring for an ex-mother-in-law who has recently had MAJOR surgery, and being every thing to every one...........deep breath, Wendy. Deep breath!!! Ommmmmmmmm....... Seriously - I've spent the last few years doing everything for everyone and putting myself dead last. Now that I have someone in my life to help share the load and now that the kids are getting a little bit older and not so needy, I can focus on me a little. I've even gotten to the point where I don't feel guilty about looking out for #1 every now and then. ;o) I love my life. Even though I don't consider my WLS a success story, going through the journey has made me a better person on the inside. And - hey - I'm not so bad on the outside either. Thanks for letting me update you. I think of you all often and always keep you in my prayers. I'll try to do better about checking in more often. Besides - I need you to encourage me to go work out and make good food choices so I can get into a beautiful wedding dress!!! Warm regards and hugs to everyone! -W-

Wendy So nice to see you!! Glad Reenie is pulling you all in to say Hi!! Wow. glad you are so happy after all the hurt. I also ended a 6 yr relationship over the past couple of years. Just moved back to AZ because of a Man. Yes, am very happy to have someone that care about me for a change. My old relationship never wanted me or anything to do with me until now, because the one I am with is his brother. ( Go figure) You sound very happy & glad things are working out for you now. Thanks for posting your update & please don't be afraid to post once in awhile. We are all struggling at times & love to come here & vent or just hide out here once in awhile Ladybug Marilyn

Well, I'll be darned - what a wonderful surprise to find your post. Wendy, it is so great to hear from you. And like so many of us your life is busy and complicated and wonderful and sad and exciting - and food is always calling to sooth the emotions that living life fully - all the pain and joy of it - create. I am happy you found a life partner who loves you for you...ah, I remember how terribly unhappy you were and the pain in your posts as you started the process of your divorce. We become so complacent in our marriages, don't we, as if that person will always be there, whether we like it (the good days) or not (the bad days). We take each other for granted - we stop seeing in that person what we saw in him/her in the first place. What scares me is that I think I look to Jim to make me happy, when in fact it's not his responsibility. Nor is he the cause for my unhappiness. I am solely responsible for the ways in which I choose to live my life, and for my feelings about my life. Still, as our marriage has stagnated, the pain of that emptiness is unbearable for me - so I eat. Ah, I could write a book about this. At any rate, I'm happy you're happy. And as you begin to really take responsibility for regaining your physical health and motivation to do what you need to do, please stick around - don't be shy, not with us for goodness sake! We're here for you and for each other as we've always been. Be well, Wendy. And thanks so much for catching us up! Hugs, Reenie

Hey Wendy...... It's great to see you!! What a wonderful post too!! I think that there's a very good reason why so many of the boards here fall into disuse and this one continues: It's easy and fun to stand up; beat your chest and shout out your success. It's not so easy and definitely not fun to stand up; feel your heart pound; your knees knock; your feet shuffle; and your sweat glands working full throttle as you confess your sins to your peers! Your courage to do this along with all of the others here who also have done so, is what makes this such a special place!! Be sure of one thing Wendy.....THERE BE NO LACK OF SINNERS HERE, SISTER!!!!! You can also be sure that we are here to help and not to judge. It seems that after 4 years, reality ha**** home for all of us. We were all living in a happy fantasy world for the first year or two that everything would be good now that we had our surgery. Well......Life indeed goes on and it's far from a perfect world, isn't it??!! On the other hand, we do have the ability to right the ship and we do have one another to help navigate through the storms. Stay right here, Wendy and we'll all struggle on together. Mike

Mike, hi -- I've been thinking so much about you. How are you? Everyone on the board continues to ask me about you, if I've heard from you and I always feel so bad when I have to tell them that no, I haven't. I hope you are well, my friend. You have a special place in my heart, you always will. I'm struggling mightily with the food - have gained 10 lbs. in the last month. Am trying so hard to get a grip but it's got a total grip on me. What about you? Won't you please post and tell us how you're doing? We're all really having a tough time but there is a core group of us that has remained steadfast in our support of one another and I would so love to see you come back - at least now and then. No matter where you're at with this journey, we're in it together - especially you and me - please get in touch, ok? Yours, Maureen

Wendy! By now you're a happily married lady! I wanted to check in to say how happy I am for you and to ask you to post to the board and tell us about the wedding and how things are settling for you and your husband (what's his name?) - did he manage to get a transfer to Houston? I hope all is well and I really want to hear how you are, ok? Would love to see a picture of you in your dress!!! Take care, sweetie. Maureen