I NEED YOUR HELP

Is anyone else having real serious problems with eating foods that they should not be eating to the extent that you cannot stay away from it for one single day??? No matter what I try to do, no matter my resolve to stay away from it, I am eating fistfuls of chocolate every day. I feel so horrible about myself, I hate myself, the way I feel, how weak I am, the weight I'm gaining, I lay awake at night, all night, feeling awful, awful, awful, crying and fearing the direction my life is headed in. Therapy has not helped, talking to the woman with the M&M's dispenser has not helped, trying to walk past the basketful of chocolate all over my work place has not helped. If feel like I'm going crazy! Is anyone else struggling like this? What can I do??? I'm so sorry to be such a downer but I really feel like I'm losing my mind. Thanks.

i am struggling but not lying awake at nite becuz of it...mine is chocolate as well as bread and cookies....and right now i don't care...well i do but not as much as i should! sorry-no help--but i am here with ya....

It's strange, Margo, before surgery I was bread, bread, bread; I don't think I ever had chocolate outside of Halloween and Easter. This is a true, bonafide, raging addiction - I guess I could consider this one of those cross-addictions because it has surely got a hold on me. What do you mean you don't care? You sound down - are you ok? How are things? Reenie

Reenie, I've kind of got the opposite problem right now. I haven't had a potato, grain of sugar, piece of bread or any other carb not found in protein pass my lips in almost 2 weeks. I'm scared sh*tless that if I start eating carbs of any type I'll get sick as hell and then spiral out of control. OK, I'm not scared sh*tless because all this protein is actually constipating. OK, my thoughts on this chocolate addiction of yours (mind you that I'm no therapist, don't play one on TV and am about as screwy as they come) is that you have 4 options... 1. Just accept it for what it is. Accept that you are going to eat chocolate and factor into your food count every day. Decide what you can afford to eat calorie wise and work the M&M count into that daily intake. 2. Find a substitute. During one especially bad bout of chocoholism, I started drinking iced coffee loaded with sugar-free chocolate and caramel syrup. I didn't start out drinking the coffee with the intention of replacing the candy, but found that the sweetness in the coffee took care of my chocolate cravings. 3. Follow the 2 minute rule. I am fully convinced that I can do anything for 2 minutes. I can stay on the treadmill for an extra 2 minutes. I can have my teeth drilled with no novocaine for 2 minutes (I know because I've done it many times). I can keep from eating potato chips for 2 minutes. Put up a sign in your office that says " 2 Minutes." The next time you feel like getting up to go get chocolate, make yourself wait 2 minutes before you go. If you still can't resist, go get it and forgive yourself. 4. Get another job. OK, maybe not the best option, but it is an option. Reenie, you have to break the cycle. You're in the same cycle that have all been in. Eat/Feel Bad. Feel bad/eat to comfort yourself. Feel bad about eating/eat to comfort yourself. I guess I have a thousand questions, but no answers. Do you feel that you deserve to be thin? What need are you filling with the chocolate? Why can't you forgive yourself? Love ya huge and wish I was there to hug you, Connie (Who is her own brand of eating dysfunction)

I agree, this is a tough one. My chocolate cravings are based only on my hormone levels at any particular time. i actually go through craving cycles. It could be chips for a week...I get the Lays Light fat free ones with olestra and no it doesn't do the oily stool thing. Another week it might be pickles...jars of them. Then boca burgers...sometimes 2 a day...then chocolate. Reenie, since you and I are the same age, do you think it may have something to do with....you know.....the 'change'? Yes, the chocolate is concerning, but your reaction to the chocolate is more concerning. Has your office always been filled with chocolate? Do you work with a lot of overweight people? Can jealousy be an issue? Another suggestion might be to keep a bowl of sugar free hard candy on your desk, and when you get the craving for chocolate, just pop one in. It'll keep your mouth busy for a while. Connie is right, it is a cycle that we all go through with one food or another. Chocolate is obviously not comforting you if it is keeping you up worrying at night. I would still take the therapy route only because of the affect it has on you psychologically. Eventually, you'll have a breakthrough and work it out. You're one tough cookie, Cookie! Love ya! Joanie

Hi Joanie, I always love hearing from you...yes, I do agree that this probably has at least a little to do with MENOPAUSE. Hey, if you have to wear it, wear it BIG. You and I parallel each other in so many ways, I wish I had your grace and sensitivity - you always know exactly the right thing to say! If you read my response to Connie, you'll see I have the SF hard candy and other stuff, none of which has helped so far. But I made a promise to my son today, and I love my son a hell of a lot more than chocolate. I will not break my promise to him. Today. Hugs to you, sweetheart. Reenie

Hi Doll - I want to do the protein thing but I'm so afraid of the constipation! It took me a full year after surgery to get back to decent working plumbing...I have the SF hard candies here in my desk; I have SF hot chocolate - but when the urge hits it's like I'm hit with a sledgehammer into a vegetative state that has me sleepwalking to the nearest tub of chocolate. Once I indulge, I end up inhaling fistfuls of it. This has been going on for months. It's like my body is on fire and the only way I can put it out is to eat huge quantities of chocolate. I even went to the woman with the M&M's dispenser and told her I was having a huge problem and asked her to move it away from her door and out of my sight. She laughed, a little tiny laugh, but laughed nonetheless. She told me she couldn't do that because it was for everyone in the building (I knew she would say that). I could tell by the small little smirk that she was enjoying how uncomfortable I was. Yes, she has watched me in this journey from day one; yes, she is overweight. I tried. I like your 2 minute rule, I'll try it before the zombie metamorphis, if possible. Today, I told Devin (my son) that I'm in trouble with the chocolate at work. After talking a *****e didn't poo-poo me or judge me or anything, he just listened) - we decided to make a commitment to each other just for today - I promised him I would not eat chocolate of any kind today; he promised me he would do his best effort in World History - I said why World History? Why not Math? He said, Mom don't pu**** It's 2pm and I'm chocolate free so far. Love you very very huge. Reenie

Quick question... Does your therapist specialize in eating disorders?

Nope. And I stopped going. We were seeing her for marriage counseling as well and we've stopped. I thought we had gotten better but we're not. This is the hole I'm trying to fill - but I've whined about it for all the years I've known you (can you believe we're talking YEARS???) I love Jim but I am so starved in this marriage. I know folks - too much information. Sorry.

as one who has been nurse and taxi driver and sole caretaker since april 2005--no reenie-that is not TMI--i can relate to starvation and holes and gaps and such....