I HAVE TO KNOW...

This is an invitation to anyone who would like to respond and certainly no one has to. We all came to this Board with the highest of hopes concerning the Great Common Denominator: losing signficant amounts of weight to regain our lives. Now, nearly 4 years out, it seems to me that a huge percentage of us are struggling mightily to sustain that weight loss. I know I am. I am at a different place about this than I was even a month ago. So my question to the Board is: are we regaining the weight we've lost? Is there anyone who continues to maintain their weight loss and, more importantly, continues to live from the perspective of a body and mind that is for lack of a better word, "normal" - in other words, who of us no longer has to fight the food demons - the voices in our heads that scream for food. Who of us are eating modest portions of food at their meals - eating slowly, and enjoying food, rather than shoveling it in as if it's our last meal? I'll go first. My weight is creeping up. I stayed in the low 140s for the past two years without much difficulty and my energy really was directed toward LIVING and not toward EATING my way through life. It's different for me now. I don't feel healthy in my head anymore; I feel like I am at constant war trying not to gain weight - and losing the war. I'm in the high 140s and am creeping steadily up. I was not able to stay away from the candy today despite my resolve. I have not gone a day without shoveling it into my mouth for at least a few months. I don't know what's going on and I don't know what to do. I just need to know: where is everyone else at? Have you lost all the weight you wanted to lose? Have you kept it off? Are you living differently, healthily and not turning to food no matter how hard your life cir****tances get to be? Thanks, your response will be so helpful to me. Love, Reenie

My name is Joy and I AM (still) a food a holic. And furthermore, I prefer to live in denial. Sad but true. I am creeping up. My blood sugar is like a roller coaster, and I "need" to eat every 2-3 hours, followed by a sleepy period, followed by hunger. I only feel energetic in the mornings. (I drink a protein shake, but don't eat breakfast.) I am not at the place to cut off carbs--I should be--I'm just not. Boy, that was more honesty than I have mustered in a while! Ouch! (Only for you, Reenie!) Joy

Thank you, Joy. I'm crying in my office reading this; I NEEDED to hear that someone else is having a difficult time - I have felt so alone with this for the past several weeks. I'm SORRY you're hurting - I can tell that you are. I so wish we could all just find a place to converge, meet up for a couple of days, so that this FAMILY of ours could wrap our arms around each other and do whatever it takes to keep moving forward together, one step at a time. I just spent the last hour going way back to older posts - I emailed Dina and Ken and I saw so many other folks that we haven't heard from in so long. Wendy, Kimmer, Karen (where are you Karen?), rember Val? So, so many - we were an ARMY of support and I need for us to be again. Can you tell I have a very difficult time with change??? I love you guys -- and like Dorothy said to the Scarecrow, Joy, I think I love you most of all...because of what you just did with this post. Thank you. Reenie

Yeah--You just love people that make you cry! We are quite a pair! Joy

I'm with Joy... I'm a Food-a-holic. It's my drug of choice and given all of the other evils out there, I'll stick with this one. At least I feel like I have a tool to help me cope with this particular addiction. I don't always win, but at least I have a fighting chance. I'm about 15 pounds higher than my lowest and this has slowly crept on over the last two years. It doesn't seem to matter how much I exercise or how little I eat, the weight is creeping. My total food intake since Monday at noon has been two cups of Jell-O, about a cup of broth and about 10 crackers. I've gained a pound. I presume the weight gain is from the IVs that I've been on since Wednesday morning, but still frustrating. Love ya, C.

Reenie, here I amm to tell you that you are not alone in your battle. Since March/04 from over 300 pounds and since I was 15 years old I haven't weight 180 pounds . Now I'm in that weight I'm so scare to eat, I'm in denial . I'm in the biggest depression. Every that looks at me say's wow, how nice , you have lost alot. Yes, it's true. But, I'm so scare to gain it back. I'm not eating right, I'm having panic , if I'll go back to eat again. I just had a surgery, I didn't have pottasium in my body. I'm not heatly at all.I'm trying to take my proteins back , going back to the basic rules, it so hard. Thanks reenie you are mt inspiration. Coming to the board and reading your posts and my friends the marchers makes me feel I'm not alone. God bless you all.

O.K. Here Goes!! I also am better off than I was almost 4 years ago, but, I was one of those folks that never got below 200Lbs. I was 355 when I had my surgery & my lowest was 204. I am now at 240 and do not like it one little bit. I alos fight those deamons on food issues. Never lost those food deamons & still get them badly at night. I am just fine during the day. I still belive my Doc did not bypass me enough & that is why I never got below the 200 lb mark. I am still considered a success as I have kept off over 100 lbs, but, I don't feel like it at this point. I can eat just about anything & never dump on sugar of anykind. Since I have been without Insurnace for awhile now, I can't go get checked to see of any of my insides have grown back or not. No one will talk to me without some kind of Inusrnace. I do not eat as much as I did before the sugery, but, do eat more than I should. Don't ever seem to get full, just no when to stop. I do still drink way too much coffee & that according to all the other boards is my problem (caffiene) eats away at the pouch & could cause herniaz, which I don't feel have any of that. So I still drink coffee, eat too many carbs & still eat sugar, but, not as badly as before. I did start back on diabetis drugs the other day as my sugars were running very high. I do feel better, & have been thru Day 1 of just 1 piece of candy(mini) bar. That in itself is pretty good for Me. Love you all & yes, we still need this support & Sorry this got so long winded!! Ladybug Marilyn

Rededication.... Yes, the weight WAS creeping up. I had gained about 15 pounds from my lowest point, and was not happy...even though my surgeon told me to expect some gain from my lowest point. I had to re assess myself. During the time since my surgery, I have gone through MANY MANY life changes...job changes...kids graduating...the death of my father...I could go on. The struggle is there. No matter how I tried to control myself, I was gaining. I started to look back on things I've done in the past. I realized a couple of things. First of all, I could not live on the amount of food I was eating the first year out of surgery. Once my system 'settled in' after the honeymoon phase, I needed more food. I needed to control my weight while eating more. Secondly, the physical activity. I was not doing what I promised...going to the gym on a steady basis and moving my body properly. I didn't like going. I realized that the gym and working out is something that you can't love or hate. It is a necessary fact of life if you want to live a healthy life style. I go 3 times a week and work hard. I don't think about it. I just do it. I look at the weights and machines differently. I use the machines that work the most muscle groups. If I don't feel it when I'm using it, I am either not using it right or the weights need to be adjusted. Now I can't live without going. Like breathing, it is part of my life. Third, I joined Weigh****chers, as I have said in previous posts. My leader is corny, and some of the people are strange...but the program is dead on perfect. It is a program I will be on for the rest of my life. One that fits in and is comfortable for me. The most important part of this is the control it gives me. I can eat whatever I want, but I must account for it. EVERYTHING is written down or put into my computer journal using etools from Weigh****chers. Again, another thing I need to do to control my eating habits. The more I exercise, the more I can eat. This combo is a good one for me. I know now, but I think I've always known, that the surgery was a tool to work with. The demons will never go away, but I can and will control them. Reenie, you know this too...go back and read some of your older posts. The war is never done. The demons will always be there. Now, I'm not saying what I do is right for everyone. There are many other tools out there to pick from, including therapy and Overeaters Anon. And I'm not saying I lose weight every week when I get weighed in. I lose....in ounces sometimes...and I also gain. But I've lost 6 pounds all together and it's taken me about 2 months to do it. I'm not in a hurry. I'm in it for life. Reenie, you are WAY WAY stronger than I am. don't let the *******s get you down. Don't let them win. If candy is a trigger, don't buy it or just throw it out. My Halloween candy trick? Simple. Buy candy you hate. I gave out Good N Plenty. I'd sooner chew on my own toes than eat that crap. Ray brought home some really good candy to give out. The next day he packed it up and took it to work. I never had to see it again. One can only speak for one's self, and this is what I'm doing. If it helps you, that makes me happy. Maybe it's time to reassess or rededicate. Take care, be well, and be happy and healthy, Love Joanie

Joanie, this is one of the strongest posts ever made to this Board. Thank you! You seem to have found precisely what works for you - and you are working it every day. I struggle through so much of what you talk about here - my daughter is off to college, in Montreal, so I have not seen her since August. That "loss" is huge for me, although I celebrate how well she's doing, I feel the ache of her absence every day. My father is very ill right now and I know I will lose him very soon. For me, coping with loss has been my biggest challenge since the surgery. Before, I would eat my way through the pain. I have found over the last 8 months or so that I have been gravitating toward those old behaviors again, they've creeped up on me like an itch I can't quite scratch. I hope I've recognized it in time to turn it around. Like Connie, I fight the battle every day but realize I've got this tool - not just the pouch, but living differently because of the weight loss - especially in terms of moving my body. This continues to be my miracle. Being able to move. The day I give that up is the day I give up everything. Thanks so much for this - it helped me a great deal. And I do hope you and I find a way to meet very soon - we're close enough to each other that we should be able to make this happen. Take care, Joanie. And thanks again. Reenie