Those desperate old days of dieting...

I just had an old friend email me asking me what the name of a fiber cracker was that I used to get when I did Atkins. It struck me then: I couldn't remember! I had this stuff memorized for years, and suddenly I couldn't remember. Then I checked my favorites to see if it was saved there somewhere....NOPE. Then it hit me: I'm 2 years out from the surgery and I haven't "dieted" in that amount of time. I started to think about how I was such a slave to my diets and how I lived and breathed everything low-carb. I can't say that is bad if you are able to be effective, but I never was able to get control of it, so I never really lost much weight. I felt like such a complete and utter failure and eventually didn't want to show my face in my online communities anymore. I had shame in every facet of my being. I was downright religious about low-carb and even developed my own recipes, but I was a failure. As my friend ended his email to me, he said that he did really well on low-carb before, but he gained back so much more after he would go off it. Then he said "but I think that's my fault." And it just struck me. That was my life. That was where I lived in my mind. I struggled and worked and denied myself for years. And in the end "it was my fault." And you know what? It was my fault because I just didn't have that inner strength that 3% of the population finds to lose the weight on their own and keep it off. It takes incredible determination, and I couldn't find that within myself. So I took what determination I *did* have and I turned into a determination to have the surgery, and I couldnt be happier with that decision. I just wish I could convey that to my friend in a way that won't discourage him from trying to attain his goal on his own. But I know where he is right now. And he is trying so hard. But you know, my friend at work has been cutting calories so much over the last 2 years and she has lost probably 130-140 lbs on her own in that time. She said I inspired her. How amazing that my surgery was inspiring to her. But she is doing it and she has shrunk her stomach and I swear she can eat less than me. But the thing that I worry about is that as with many of us, we know that those glory days end at some point and it becomes easier to eat more....and that stupid old stomach relaxes and expands, and we are back to square one. I pray that doesn't happen to her, but it is a fear because I've seen it with myself and with my brother who is struggling right now. I did express some of this to my friend, and bless her heart, she knows. She has been there in her life as well. And what she said to me was that if she ended up gaining it back, she would do what I did. The only reason she didn't was because she couldn't afford it out of pocket anyway. But she has a backup plan, which I never did. So I hope she is able to win this one and be in that 3%. As for my other friend, I fear he is going to be like me and wait until he is closing in on 40 before he does something permanent. I hope he is able to do it this time, but who knows. To me, this struggle has been the biggest albatross around my neck for my whole life. And when I am impacted with other people's struggles to remind me, it all comes flooding back and I thank GOD that I have been spared that now. This is quite the gift we have folks. Even if we aren't at our goals (like me), it is a tremendous gift that we are able to walk in the shoes of someone normal and not live every waking moment fretting over yet another diet or deprivation. Dina

Wow Dina! What a great post. The last grade I finished was 7th grade, In soite if that, I've done really well and hold a job that you normally need an advanced degree to get. I raised a terrific kid, essentially by myself. I can rip down walls, build bathrooms and tile anything that sits still long enough. I'm proud of my accomplishments in life, but felt like a total failure. If I could manage multi-million dollar projects why couldn't I get my weight under control. No matter how well I was doing, I still felt like a failure because I couldn't get a grip on the weight no matter what I did. The Man has lost 50 pounds by dieting the last 6 months. I'm really proud of him, but will be surprised if he keeps it off. It's just a matter of numbers and like you said, only 3% maintain long-term. Thanks for the post, Dina. Great topic. Hugs, Connie

I refuse to use the word 'diet', I have a food plan because the word diet has the connotation of something you start and end .. a food plan is a plan for eating for life. Great post Dina! Hugs, Mo

GREAT, great post, Dina. Someone at work said to me on Friday, "Boy, it's amazing how you've kept your weight off." I thought 'there but by the grace of God'...this post did wonders to realign my perspective. Thanks, sweetie. Maureen