2 years couldn't be more different...

Okay, I keep trying to get in here to post on my anniversary date, but kept getting side tracked. Then it hit me, the whole reason I was getting side tracked was because I have had wls. ;) I'll explain more later. First, I have to say that I woke up and got on the scales and as if a 2 year old re-birthday gift, I lost another pound down below my low. I couldn't seem to get beyond 189 but this morning I was a "light" 188. So I couldn't get my new driver's license picture today, but maybe next week if I try.... Now, as for what I was doing today that I would not be doing 2 years ago: I was out playing in the snow with my son. We went out *twice* which is completely unfathomable to me for before wls. I even built a snowman. Also, 2 years ago it was 70 degrees here in Medford and was in the mid 70's when I got back from Mexico, so it's different on so many fronts. I wouldn't change my decision for the world, even though it has meant some major changes in my life. One change that will happen is that I will end up getting a divorce. We tried to fix it, but the plain fact of the matter is that we came together as exclusive friends and that overshadowed any romance. Once we lost our friendship, there was nothing to hold us together. We've been struggling for 5 years now to try to get back what we lost, but my counselor says we can never go back to being like we were. And if we can't go back to that, there is nothing left. We never had romance or passion, so if you don't even have that, you are left just being friendly roommates. This is one of those things that I think probably happens a lot to people who have wls. When I was heavy I wasn't interested in sex because I didn't like my own body. I wasn't interested. So you find a spouse that has a similar libido. Only thing is when you start changing you start to realize that you do have a bit more interest in sex, but because you married your best friend (who is no longer really a friend), you start to feel the void. And when you start thinking of your spouse and wishing he would find someone who would love him as he deserves to be loved, you know there is a problem. I think my husband has finally come to the realization that I'm right. I think my counselor finally understands. And we are now working towards an amicable divorce. I hope it remains so. It is weird though - I feel as if we are going to end up better friends in the end than we are now. Isn't that strange? I never thought this would happen to me. And if you told me it would happen before I had surgery, I wouldn't have believed it, but if I did believe it, I might have never had surgery. Hindsight is 20/20 though and I realize now that part of what was keeping me so fat was the fact that I was locked in an unhappy struggle. I missed my best friend that I could never get back, but I was desperate not to lose it. Now I lost that desperation, and that is the part that I wouldn't have understood. Well, I think I will have to update my profile later tonight. I have to go out and run some errands. Before I go though I have to say something to you guys: Of all the message boards on OH I think for surgery dates, this one is the most routinely active boards. Starting with Maureen and Connie and then over to Mike and Ken and everyone...(I started naming names but realized that if I do that I'll leave at least one regular out, so forgive me), you guys have kept this place a home for us to come back to, and I am forever grateful. I know that I don't hang around as much but I know that I'll always be able to peek my head in and have a place to talk to people I not only have something in common with, but people I really love being around. THANK YOU for that! Dina 3/10/04 - Ensenada Mexico, Dr. Alejandro Aguirre 325/188/1?? (whatever makes me happy) http://www.saveosp.org

Well Dina...... I'm sure that I'm not alone in saying that it's always great to have you peek your head in for a visit! You always have interesting views on whatever topic is being discussed.....whether WLS related or not. You are always a welcome member here. I'm sorry that things are not working out for you and your husband, but I'm glad that you two are able keep a bad situation civil. I hope that whatever comes next in your life makes you happy. You've been through a lot and deserve happiness. Congratulations and happy anniversary!!! Mike

Thanks so much Mike. Dina

Dina As always it is great to hear from you & boy do I no about the relationship problems. I also just left a 7 yr relationship. So although the wls helps your health we are part of those statistics about Divorce & breakups. Just can't fix some things that get broken. I felt I lost my friend as welll & we were just roommates as well. Had to move on, Hang in There!! Something is out there for both of us!! Happy 2 yr Anniversary & keep posting Marilyn, the Bearlady :wave;

I know it seems like I can relate a lot to what you were going through. My relationship is a bit different than yours, but still in the end, you end up looking at things the way they are and I think it seems we just end up with more courage to do what we couldn't face before. I hate being a statistic, but at the same time, I don't regret what has happened. Dina

I am sooo proud of you. You started out with that GIANT pouch of yours (lol) and you've just kept at it. I remember some of your posts where you were so bummed about the slow progress, but you've hung in there and you've arrived, baby! I really am impressed with your progress. I'm sorry about your marriage, but then again, I'm not. I know that sounds bad, but I'm excited for you because you now have the opportunity to find excellence in a relationship. Come home any time you want, my prodigal loser. Big Hugs, Connie

You always "get" me, yanno? Hey, and as for that HUGE pouch? I found out if I don't eat much for a couple days it DOES shrink back. I normally can eat a whole double cheeseburger (they are the $1 ones, not like a quarter pounder! ) from McDonalds, but the other day I could only eat half with about 3-4 fries. So there is hope maybe after all! Dina

Connie, postings schmoostings Again I've felt like I was reading something that I wrote under someone elses name. Plagerizium? Please everyone forgive my spelling its not always a typo and its not from lack of education its a spelling defincuceee. Im spelling challenged. You've touched on a subject that I'm having a hard time with right now. I've just gotten engaged before the holidays to my best friend who I love so much. A wonderful man. I couldn't be happier or sadder and I don't know what to do. It will work out for the best and I'm not rushing so no one will hear wedding bells. I'm always amazed at each of our journeys. We thought we'd be so happy once we lost the weight. It was our mantras. and for the most part each of us are extremely happy. But are we happy for the things we thought would happen? I wanted to be able to go up and down my stairs in my little condo. I didn't want to sell it. I wanted to be able to breath and talk at the same time. I wanted to not have the pain in my back, knees, legs, feet anymore. And secretly though I didn't say it not once, I wanted to wear a size 16. Did I get what I wanted? yes and then some! If you ask me what is the best part of what I wanted right away I say I'm healthier and I can run up those stairs I can breath and talk at the top I do NOT have pain anywhere except when I work out too hard! but the best part...the truely bestest in the whole world part that I never expected...is that I'm a size 8 or 10!!!!!!!! Sometimes a size 6!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! this is our little secret ok? don't tell anyone but the inside pammy does cartwheels in the dressing room. good luck and god bless you on your success with your past surgery and continued weight loss and in all areas of your life. pammy

Pammy - I know you mentioned your relationship before. I know it strikes a chord with me because I know that in the beginning with my husband that friendship eclipsed everything else and I was happy with that. But over time the friendship was lost and we had nothing to cling to. I think if one knows what to expect it could help diffuse the problems down the road, but I was blind to it all. I thought I was in love and the whole enchilada. I didn't realize how lopsided it was. As for you and your fiance, I hope you find a happy balance. Some people can keep the friendship alive forever, and that is great. If not, there is a chance it will eventually end. But if it gives you comfort for now, I see nothing wrong with living in the moment. Dina

My darlin' Dina - you were there for me first, do you know that? It was your responses to my initial fearful posts that encouraged me to continue coming to our Board, if not as a poster, than just to lurk, listen and learn. And you've been there every step of the way. I am so very proud of the way you've handled what is surely the most painful and difficult situation a person is faced with - the impending end to your marriage. God knows, I've been teetering in the same place for as long as you have. We are still trying to make it work, however, and it is no easy thing. I so admire your courage and strength and I know WITHOUT QUESTION that you will find passionate love and romance in a life partner who will love your body, your mind and feed your soul. Dina, I hope you know how beautiful you are. You knock my socks off, lady. Happy anniversary and don't even think about leaving us ever cuz I promise you, I will track you down. Even if I have to borrow Connie's dogs to do so. Love you, Maureen