out of control

This is kind of a wake up call for myself. My eating is totally out of control. I just can't seem to get myself back on track. I started this whole thing at 398, 378 the day of surgery. I got down to 178 for like a second, and have gone back up to 190. I am having a terrible time trying to refocus, and get back in line. I have a lot of extra skin, and it's awful. I'm not getting my water in, protein??? yeah right. For over a year I never ate carbs. You know, I never ate crackers, bread, potatoes etc. I did eat yogurt and things that have carbs in them, but not really carb laden foods. As soon as I added crackers into my diet I lost all control. Now all I do is eat carbs, carbs, carbs. I havent had a protein drink in months. I know what I need to do , its just getting myself to do it. I feel like I'm just sitting back and watching all my hard work go out the window. Even writing this I feel like a fraud because I know what everyone will say, go back to basics, up your water, protein, exercise, cut out the carbs, but do I have the will power to actually take control and do it?? Has anyone else had a problem with losing control like this?? Am I the only idiot out there who is self sabotaging themself. I know that I'm an emotional eater. I thought I had gotten a handle on that, but now it seems like as soon as I get stressed out, off to the kids snack cupboard I go. Sorry to babble on and on like this. I know what I have to do. Thanks for listening. Tracee R

Tracee, Good Lord, no you are not alone on this. I've had one hell of a month, make that three months and I find myself gravitating toward carbs. They're my comfort food. I maintained my weight until this last week when I gained three pounds overnight (OK, it showed up overnight, but I worked a while to get it there). Yesterday was the worst. Totally exhausted, I fell asleep in the bathtub (too tired to stand in the shower) and then grazed my way through the rest of the day. If anyone had tried to stop me from sticking food in my mouth, I would have bitten them. The day before that, I had three low blood sugar episodes and they were bad. The only thing that usually helps is food so you can imagine how much I ate. The second one hit me in the pet store and I couldn't stop shaking. I drove over to KFC and got a chicken leg. As I'm sitting at a stop light, gnawing on this poor piece of chicken, little bits of the Colonel's original recipe are a flyin' around me as I eat like a rabid dog, I look at the car next to me and there's some skinny woman with a cell phone to her ear, mouth hanging open, just staring at my feeding frenzy. I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard. She must have thought I was a stark raving lunatic. I don't have any answers other than to keep trying. I got up this morning with mixed emotions. I was hating myself for the lack of control I've had the last couple of days and hopeful and resolved about starting fresh. My strategy for today is to watch the clock. I've decided to put myself on an eating schedule and see how that goes. I'm a really terrible grazer so maybe an eating schedule will help until I get myself back under control. I'm trying to remind myself that I only have to keep a grip for this very moment. I'm betting that almost all of us have out of control times and you've come to the right place for support. Who could possibly understand this better than us? Hugs, Connie

Connie, you have carried us all for so long; you have always been the first one to reply to an SOS; it's our turn to carry you. The uncertainty you are facing right now is triggering you to do the familiar -- duck and hide under the security of that old familiar safety zone called emotional eating. It feels good. It tastes good. It soothes the very real feelings of fear and frustration you are feeling these days. It's all good, it's ok...and from the mouth of one of the wisest people on the planet -- IT IS WHAT IT IS. You are going to be fine, Connie, in all regards. I know it, I have no doubt about it. Do what you need to do to get through these next few days, weeks, months...and know that we are right here, beside you, ready to catch you if you fall, ready to carry you if you stumble, ready to jump sky-high with you when you celebrate the good news that all is well. And salivating over a chicken thigh is better than drooling over a twinkie -- the day I pop one of those puppies in my mouth again is the day I give up altogether. I love you, Connie. Be well and be to yourself what you are to everyone else -- kind and loving and caring. Take care, sweetie. Love, Maureen

Connie, I went to your profile, clicked on "email me" and sent you a quick note with an attachment (my article that was recently published in WLSLifestyles Magazine) -- did you receive? M.

Tracee, You are certainly not alone, with all the stress in our lives, I think we all have time like what you are descibing. I haven't exactly been all that great lately myslef, a lot of grazing due to moving & no job stress. All I can suggest is tha one you no what is causing the problems two, take one thing at a time don't try & do it all at once. work on the water for a couple of days then when you have that back on track work on trying to de-carb yourself. (i no that is always the hardest part) but, you have to start somewhere stat by getting rid of the crackers. than work on the other carbs you are eating. YOU CAN DO THIS. Go back to remembering how you felt when you went into that operating room at 300 plus pounds and for sur you don't ever want to go back to that. I am having to do this myself so I not it is hard, but we can do this & win this battle. Keep posting because that does help & knowing there are others out there that are having some of the same problems make it somewhat easier to cope with if nothing else. Hope this helps you out a little. Hang in There!!! Marilyn, the Bearlady

Tracee, we are all fighting the same demons on some level. We have simply moved on to a new stage of our journeys and in order to maintain success, we must deal with it rationally and reasonably by acknowledging where we're at, and owning what we need to do to stay healthy. I can't emphasize this enough -- stay healthy. This is why most of us embarked on WLS, which is certainly the most radical -- and dangerous -- means to lose the weight in order for us to achieve a better quality of life. Looking better is certainly an admirable goal; feeling better because we are healthy (for the first time in our lives for many of us)...must remain the highest priority. I am concerned that you have not been taking in adeuqate amounts of protein for quite a while. When is the last time you had your blood work done? The results of a comprehensive screening of your levels will tell you about your overall health. Forget about losing more weight for right now; concentrate instead on regaining control over your health and wellbeing. Can you do that? Please call your doctor and make an appointment to get your blood work done and let us know how that's going. Remember, every time you put a cracker in your mouth, you are eating empty calories. There is absolutely no nutrional value to white-flour based saltines. The only other advice I would offer for right now is to try to find an alternative food source that will provide you with some satisfaction as well as give you a nutrional boost. Just do these two things -- blood work, and find an alternative to eating saltines -- for now, nothing else. These two things are manageable, doable -- and you will feel better for having taken these two tiny steps. In the meantime, stay close to us and keep posting. All the best, Maureen

Hi Tracee; You're definitely not alone!!! Most of us here have had our share of struggles. Please remember that you've taken a lifetime to develop your bad eating habits. Is it really reasonable to think that you can change all of them over night??!! I have my good days and my bad days. The secret for me is to try not to string the bad days together. When I have a bad day(which I do frequently enough), I try extra hard to have a good day to follow it up. An occasional big eating day will not make that much difference in the long run. What will matter, is if you totally give up the fight and have every day be a bad day. Don't give up and stay with us....we are here to support you......nobody knows what you are dealing with the way we do,,,,,because we're all going through the same thing. Mike

Awww you sound like my twin sister, as soon as I started the crackers, and Splenda in my coffee I started losing control, not to mention the (Man ) issues going on in my life and a cancelled wedding, (my choice)!That I have everything for the day I have been planning on forever. including a dress I worked so hard to get into for NOTHING! I think I will make a pretty battenburgh lace table cloth out of it! When I get the trash out of my life it is going to be all about me! I didnt do this for nothing, and you didnt either, Its so easy to say start over, but I think that the desire for change in our eating habits really need to come from "with in" and you have to want it again, just like we wanted to have WL surgery. Try to take it one day at a time, I find keeping a journal of how much I am putting in my pie hole is helping some! I look at it and say dam girl dont touch that again today! I think it can be compared with having a new born baby all over again, everyone gives you their best advice from their hearts, with concern...but in the end you find your own routine that works best for you after they all go home, and only you know what that is, email me anytime we can help one another if you like on a daily basis to stay on track! I am here for you ok! So Cheer up!!!! [email protected] come n talk to me, smile remember your not alone, your a Marcher!!!! Hugz Mary