so tired of the head games

I am so tired of the head games that I evidently inflict on myself. Here I am at 165 pounds (while still overweight I know about 8 pounds of it is skin and that I may not be able to do anything about on my own), I am happily in size 8-10 jeans and medium shirts so FAT isn't a word that many would use to describe me at THIS point right??? SO why am I beating myself up today about how fat I am? How fat I look today? I am so tired of these mind games. How about a new chllenge to start "re-hearsing" POSITIVE affirmations when the mind games become more than enough to handle. Even something minimal like I have very slender wrist and they look BEAUTIFUL with the bracelet my friend gave me for Christmas. I will make myself ACKNOWLEDGE the postives that I can see EVEN when my mind says YOU ARE STILL FAT AND WORTHLESS! OK...I am off to find the decaf coffee I can smell it in the school building somewhere...we are a decaf building so that everyone can drink it but SOMEONE didn't share today LOL! Nic 291/165/155

I'm right with you Nic!!!!! why do i look at the mirror and still see a fat person? I too am wearing size 8's & 10's but i look and see fat fat fat. if i look down at my self in the mirror for some reason i can see the real shape and size. why is that? maybe its because i"m not seeing my head on top of the body? i know that this sounds silly but try it. i feel thats the only time i see the real me.

The size 6 pants from the GAP I have on today are baggy. The size 10's I had on yesterday from the department store fit ok. I'm obsessed with sizes. I'm fat. I'm supposed to be a size 4....I PROMISED myself I'd be a size 4. I broke my promise to myself. Looks like I traded one obsession for another...... Joanie

I try to pick one thing to admire about myself each day. As conceited as it sounds. I've been trying from day one to stop beating myself up over my imperfections. Some days are better than others. I don't think I was even born a size 10 and I still feel huge. Sometimes I'll sit in a team meeting, know that I'm the smallest person in the room and still feel as big as a whale. My skinny sister boycotts all glamour magazines and a lot of TV shows. She won't let her daughters near them either. Her opinion is that they set us up for failure because what they dipict is unattainable for even the airbrushed models in the magazines. Hugs, Connie

In my mind, I'm a fat guy and I have come to realize that I'm always going to see myself as one. In a way, I'm not so sure that this is a bad thing because that fat guy is always lurking nearby.....ready to return if I don't do what I need to do. It's like being an alcoholic in that I may be "on the wagon", but I'm never going to be cured of the disease. Now don't get me wrong, my self-image is light years ahead of where it was 2 years ago. I make sure that it stays that way by constantly reminding myself of what life was like in the bad old Pre-Op days. And, as I've said here many times before, I still keep that one pair of jeans with the 56 inch waist to remind myself how far I've come. I'm wearing a 38 now and that would probably be smaller if I ever get up the nerve, finances, and sick time to have the TT! Thanks Nic for an interesting and thought-provoking post. Mike

I think it is so interesting that we can "see" the changes sometimes and other times I still see 300 pounds. I want that to lessen, I am with ya Mike I don't want to stop seeing the changes but I want to feel happy with myself on a regular basis. I am with Joan that I traded one obsession for another. For a while I was TOTALLY obsessed with the number on the tag of my jeans. I threw away all the size 10's and kept only the size 6's. AMAZED each time I put them on. I am ok now with 6's, 8's and 10's, SORT of understanding different brands fit different but it still BOGGLES MY MIND! Positive affirmation today??? I AM HAVING A GOOD HAIR DAY! and A kindergartener dictated a story that went like this " I love my teacher casue she has cool purple glasses!" HOW can a day be bad with THAT??? I try to keep my daughter away from alot of shows and crpa on tv and I am constantly saying to my son who LOVES to say "oh SHE is HOT!" (He is 9 I AM NOT READY FOR THAT YET!!!!!!!) Why is that person attractive? Making him use words to figure out what makes someone beautiful. He is getting it ...sort of...geesh! keep on today is friday and it is a good day to enjoy yourself! Nic 291/165/155