In the same boat with everybody else !!

I've been reading everybodys post and I can relate to all of you !! I lost 86 pounds from March 31, 2004 till Nov. 2004 and I felt wonderful. I needed to lose 19 more pounds .Then at Christmas I ate sugar and that was my down fall !!! I don't dump on anything. Well, I've gained 19 pounds in the last year and I hate myself. I have tried so hard , but I just can't get back to where I was. I have been so hungry for months now. I haven't been back to my surgeon because I hate to face him !! I read a post on here that when your diabetes comes back you will be hurgry , so, I finally went to my PCP and he gave me a talk and said it was up to me , I had to make up my mind and just do right !! Ha , If I could have DONE RIGHT I wouldn't have had the WLS ! I had blood work and my sugar was up again and I have had to go back on diabetes medicine and my blood pressure was up , so now I'm taking blood pressure medicine again. I feel terrible ! I started to a therapist a month ago and he gave me Cimbalta , I've been taking it for a week and it seems to be helping . I don't want to eat every minute of the the day . I even joined a weight loss center about a month ago and spent over $700.00 and in the first 4 days I realized I couldn't do because the protein bars made my sugar go up to 382 , so I am trying to get out of the contract. I also spent over a thousand dollars going to a "NAET" doctor that deals with alergies and he said I am senitive to sugar and that's why I can't stop eating when I eat 1 bite of sugar. Well, now I've told the world I am a failure at weight loss again !!! Y'all pray for me that I'll do better !! Judy

Ah, Judy, HUGE HUGS coming at your from me. WE NEED TO HEAR THESE STORIES! This is REAL and the only way to deal with it effectively is to OWN IT! I don't have time to respond thoughtfully right now, will do so later, but please, please know you are beloved and supported here and there is no self-assumed failure that cannot be turned into a new success! You have not failed; you are faltering, that's all. I'll be back later. Love to you, sweetheart. Maureen

Judy, It took great courage to write your post and it is the first step to recovery. My advise is to first of all, remain calm. This will take one step at a time in order not to become overwhelmed. At least you are catching yourself before you gain any more! Second, go on Amazon.com and purchase "Don't Diet, Live It" workbook for about $14.95. It is written for people with eating disorders (including compulsive eaters) and it addresses all the psychological reasons we eat and sabotosh (sp) ourselves. At the end of each chapter, there are questions to answer. Go through the exercise of answering them in writing. After you read the book, you are to read it again and answer the second set of questions at the end of each chapter. By the time you read it the required four times, you will have everything engrained in your brain about the reasons we eat. My therapist prescribed this book for me and we would discuss it each week at my sessions. It will change your life. And lastly, give up sugar completely. It takes about three weeks to break the habit, but then the cravings will be gone. If you also stay away from artificial sweetners for a few weeks (water and milk only), your cravings will be gone for good. I, too, have a weakness for sugar. It is like alcohol is for an alcoholic to me. I can't stop eating it once I start. We are here for you and will help you through every step of the way! You CAN do this! Owning the problem was the first step. Keep us posted!! Your kindered friend, Karen S.

Karen, I feel as if the Calvary has arrived! Where have you been??? No matter, I'm sure glad you're posting with this very valuable information. And, by the way, you look fabulous. Please stay active, this Board is fabulous and we really, really need you. Thanks! Maureen

Maureen and all, Thanks for the kind words. I, too, need constant encouragement to continue to succeed in my journey. I weigh myself every day and if I go up any more than 3 pounds, I know I need to close my mouth! I have gone through menopause recently, so I don't really have those monthly fluid fluctuations in my weight anymore. BTW, did you ever wonder why we use our mouths to sooth our emotions? What is it with the mouth organ being the soother of choice? Can it really be that hard to just close it and do something else other than eat when we feel bad...or good....or happy...or sad? Another interesting observation: did you ever notice that birds aren't fat? or rabbits? or any other creature God put on this earth? No. Because they only eat when they are hungry and they stop when they are full. God gave us that mechanism, too. Our stomachs growl when we are truly hungry. Could it be that if we would just listen for these true signs that we wouldn't be in this mess? Hmmm.......I think I will try to listen for my signs...one day at a time. Won't others join me? Karen S.

Observation: I have a VERY fat Maltese dog. I keep her on a diet or she would get so fat that she cant walk! I guess she learned her behavior from me!!! But your point is well made... (Dogs aren't exactly untouched nature!) Joy

Thanks Maureen and Karen, I know I can count on my friends to be behine me. I have said Many prayers for all of you when You've had problems and I know y'all do the same for me. Judy

Ok, sweets, I told you I'd be back so here I am. You've had a rough time of it these past few months. What your story conjures up for me is a frightened person flailing about in a large body of water trying desperately to stay afloat, trying not drown. I sense real fear in your post, Judy, and fear is the greatest crippler of life and living; it can also be the greatest motivation. Stop flailing and start swimming. It's as simple as that. There will always be fear, there will always be life in all its horrible and wonderful manifestations. We simply must learn how to live AND eat through all of it, the good and the bad of it. Even though our lives are full of extreme highs and lows, our eating doesn't have to be, our eating can and should be a stablizing force. Believe me, I know this is not an easy thing to master. I am struggling just like you, every day, some days flailing, some days swimming, marathon swims. And the good and the bad of my life still holds so much power over my eating choices; I now know what I alwasy suspected and I even understand it a little better -- I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am afraid and lonely. This wouldn't be a bad thing if I was eating apples or celery sticks with peanut butter, but what soothes my mind is junk, garbarge, good tasting crap. So I'm wrestling with this relatively new knowledge with the understanding that this is part of me, it will be part of me for the rest of my life and if I don't figure out a way to deal with it effectively, I will gain this weight back. I'm not ready to do that. Nor are you. Nor are you. Start swimming, Judy. Just do it for the next 5 minutes, 5 hours, just today. Make the right choices. Choose to live and to win. You can do this. Relax, breathe, eat well and move your body. That's all. That's not so bad, is it? Relax, breathe, eat well and move your body. You are not alone. Love to you, Maureen

Thanks Maureen, I am really trying hard because of all of you !! Everybody has been so sweet !!! I'm trying just to not gain right now. I'm a School Lunchroom Manager and there is always food around. Today the secretary sent home made candy to us and it is really hard not to eat it. Tomorrow starts the 12 days of Christmas before we get out for Christmas holidays and each day a different group will fix "goodies". I am not even going to look at what they have !!! Thanks for being there ! Judy

judy-you are NOT a failure at weight loss-as i see it; you are still down 67 pounds from where you were pre wls-you made some bad choices like i did and regained- the sugar thing is something that really has us hooked- i have started back-one day at a time - and today actually rode my stationary bike for 10 minutes-it wasn't much but it was a start! wanna race????j/k! you are not alone;and i applaud your courage in coming here to us...that was why i had to come here as well- we need to stick together!