a situation...

This weekend was my daughter's senior drama, in which she had a lead. She did well and I was proud. I'm one of the theater guild moms and I help backstage with make up and such...I enjoy being with the kids, they're a lot of fun. Ray also came backstage and helped with things too, like setting up snacks for the kids and helping to decorate for the cast party, which was nice. So Saturday night, I showed up in a blue corderoy mini skirt, brown tights and shoes and a brown shirt. I thought I looked ok, Ray liked the outfit too. One of the moms made a comment to me. She said...'aren't you looking youthful tonight!", so I said....kiddingly....'I'm just trying to fit in with the kids." She gave me a dirty look and said, "I gave up on that 30 years ago!". Ray heard her and got a little pissed but didn't say anything. The director, whom I've known for a long time, heard it and pulled me aside. He was more pissed than Ray, and apologized for her. It was a strange situation, I walked in there feeling confident in myself and ended up feeling rather self conscience. I really wasn't trying to look like one of the kids, I just bought the skirt last year and have worn it a few times and I wanted to get a little dressed up on my daughter's closing night. I'm 49 years old, but a youthful 49 (see the pic on my profile) and I think it's the first time I felt like I had to apologize for being thin. This is something, since the weight loss, that I've not yet experienced. Maybe I just took it the wrong way, I don't know. Anyway, the play was wonderful, the kids were great and we were invited to the cast party which was also fun. Hope you all had a nice weekend too! Joanie

You are experiencing the flip side of prejudice. But it still stings. Like all prejudice, it says more about the mental and emotional state of the critic than about the victim. I'm sure you looked great, and appropriate for the occasion. The problem was that she has not been able to adjust to your new vibrant healthy image. She is still trying to fit you into her old perception, that matched up with her own low self esteem (even if she is not overweight, she obviously has low self esteem!). Simply, she is jealous that you have broken out of the mold when she has not. Oh well, You just keep right on enjoying life. Be as kind as you can to people like that, and mostly keep as much space as possible between you and them. There is certainly no value in letting them tarnish your day! Joy

It's called small minded people. They cannot get out of their box. Just like Joy said above.

Joanie, Last Friday, I wore what I thought was a great outfit to work. It was a multi-hued long velvet skirt with a silk turqouise camisole, black blazer and tall black boots. I hesitated with the camisole because it was a little lower than what I wear to work normally, but not at all revealing. I guess others thought it was a good outfit because I got a lot of compliments. I ran into a woman in the bathroom who looked me up and down several times before saying, "Well, that's an interesting outfit." I ignored what I thought was a slight, thanked her and told her that I hesitated on the top, but decided it was OK after all. She responded with, "I suppose for people like you, it pays to advertise." I said, "I'm sorry, but I don't know what you mean by that", although I damned well did. She said, "Nevermind" and walked out of the bathroom. I fumed, boy did I fume. She's much taller and larger than I am and I avoided the temptation to run down the hall after her, snapping at her heels like a rabid terrier after a St. Bernard. I've been known to do that. After dwelling on it for a while, I decided to refuse to rent that woman space in my head. Her issue needed to remain her issue and I didn't need to take on her insecurities. Joanie, I bet you were your usual beautiful self. Don't rent that woman space in your head because she's a bad tenent. If you were heavy, she would have had a comment. If you were Cindy Crawford, she would have had a comment. It doesn't matter what you could have worn or done, she would still have been insecure and not happy with herself. Aren't you glad you're not her? Hugs, Connie

I can't believe what that woman said to you in the bathroom. That was horrible! The outfit sounded great though....I love that look and I'll bet you looked fabulous! I think it's true that certain people can't handle our changes....and sometimes jealousy will rear its ugly head. and yes, I'm glad I'm not her!!! Thanks!! Joanie

I like your phrase about "renting space in our heads". It's time we evict these renters--when did you ever collect a penny of rent? Joy

Ugh!! Next time...just say "Don't Hate. Congratulate!!" Or just think to yourself "You Hate Me, Cuz You Aint Me!!"" Toss your hair and walk off!! Rhonda

I have seen your pictures on line and you are awesome! I hope now that its a few days since that nasty lady was rude you've come to terms with how she has problems not you! each of us has had someone do something so totally unexpected like that. its always a surprise because we've never had just that kind of prejudice before! i've always had the obisite! people before use to look at me with pity or laughter. Now i'm getting the nasty looks of jealousy! ME! it always makes me laugh when it happens becuase it just seems so out of wack with what i was and now am. why do we feel guilty becuase of someone elses problems? we did the right thing! we listened to them! before they would make comments about why didn't we take care of ourselves. How could we go out looking like that? and now finally we did it we took care of ourselves. now they can't stand it. before they would look at us and use how we looked to make them feel better about themeselves. now they look at us and feel worse about how they are. you look awesome you are awesome! You are the awesome queen! kick butt.