Am I Listening?

Yesterday, I went to a late lunch at Cracker Barrel with my sister, mother and my sister's kids. As I got out of my vehicle, I noticed the Chevy Malibu next to me rocking back and forth. Inside was a ****er Spaniel panting so hard that the car was rocking with every breath. Every window was rolled up tight and it was 82 degrees. 82 degrees may sound wonderful, but in a closed car in Arizona where the sun beats down, that can mean 130 degrees for the dog in the car. I went into Cracker Barrel and told the manager about the dog and we started a search for the owner. They announced on the loud speaker, wait staff went from table to table and other customers got in the search for the owner. Customers were looking in the bathroom and up and down the aisles, asking each other if they owned a car with Florida plates with a ****er spaniel in it. After 15 minutes when no one came forward, I called the police. I had been waiting for the police for 15 minutes when I decided to call the cop I'm dating to find out what would happen to me if I broke out the window to rescue this dog and find out the best way to break the window. I was dialing the phone when the owner comes strolling out of Cracker Barrel. I started out with telling her how high the temperatures can get in a closed up car and she responded by telling me she's a single woman. I then told her that if she would just crack the windows it would help and she responded by telling me she was from New Orleans. I suggested that next time she go through a drive through to eat if she didn't want to leave the windows cracked and she told me she loved her dog. I told her that I was glad I wasn't her dog. After I called the police and cancelled the call for them to come out, I started thinking about this. You know how I am. What really frustrated me about this woman was that she wasn't listening. I could understand being a woman traveling on her own and being scared. I could understand not knowing how hot it could get in that car. I could understand needing to get out of the car and sit down for a meal. What frustrated me was that she just wasn't listening. She was defensive and not listening. I thought about how frequently I don't listen. I don't listen to my body, I don't listen to advice, I don't listen to lessons learned by others. I half-listened when Mike said he takes cheese sticks to work. I bought the cheese sticks, but they didn't make it to work for more than a couple of days. They're going with me in the morning. I half-listened when Maureen told me to get a prescription for Glycolax. There's Glycolax sitting in my cupboard after postponing my doctor's appointment umpteen times, but I haven't taken it yet. I will as soon as I get up from here. Scratch that... I went and took it before I forgot. I haven't listened when I've been told not to drink with meals. I started this morning when I had my egg and grits. I hear when people tell me things that make them successful, but am I really listening? I'm working on being a better listener. Connie

That is strong stuff, Connie! Thanks for the thought! (and maybe your 'friend' will replay the earful you gave her!) Joy

Hopefully, after you left the woman, it sunk in and she realized she did the wrong thing. Personally, I don't know how she could do that to the poor dog. It's a disgrace. I think people do listen, however, they just do what they want to do, or what is important to them at the time. It's like when we date a nasty guy that we really like and our friends keep telling us he's a creep. We know he's a creep. But we stick with them, then they hurt us...and we knew all along that it would happen. God knows I've been down that road enough. What is Glycolax and how is it used? If it's some kind of stool softener, please give me the 411. I'm all ears. Hope all is going well with the new guy!!! Joanie

Joanie, Reenie suggested the glycolax because of the constant constipation that I seem to be cursed with. I hesitated to ask my doctor for it because my grandfather was totally dependent on Metamucil and I kept hoping that I could get things going on their own. After one of my infamous 5 days of no movement episodes, I broke down and went to see the doc. My normal guy wasn't there so I saw his partner, which I will never do again. Long story short, he doesn't want to prescribe this stuff for me because he tells me it is exactly the same thing as powdered anti-freeze. He tells me how horrible it is for my body. He tells me to make sure that I take it no longer than two weeks and he tells me to drink more water. I refrain from telling him to take a hike. I turn in the prescription at the pharmacy and I get back two HUGE bottles of this stuff. You only take one teaspoon a day and I probably have a 6 month supply. Not only that, he gave me a refill. I don't get this guy. I started it yesterday and it's supposed to take a couple of days to kick in so we'll see how it goes. Reenie has had a lot of success with it so I'm hopeful. As for the new man.... He's still a wonderful human, but I'm a mess and as usual, have issues. We've talked long and often about the wls surgery, what I can and cannot eat. That I can't drink soda and that I eat mostly protein. We've talked often about how I try very hard not to graze and how hard I'm fighting to keep this weight off. Sunday, the man cooked beef stew for dinner and invited me over. The first thing he asked when I got there was if I wanted a soda. I bet I've told him 20 times that I don't drink soda and that the theory is that it stretches the pouch. In any case, it makes me feel like crap. Before he dished out the stew, I asked for meat and carrots with just a small piece of potato. I got almost all potato. Hmmmmm..... Right after we ate, we sat down to watch a movie. He got up right away and went to make popcorn. He asked if I wanted some and I told him no because I had just eaten, didn't have room and would get sick if I tried to eat another bite. He put the bowl right on my lap. Hmmmm..... Before the movie was over, he asked if I was hungry and I told him no again. He got up and made more food. I honestly have no idea what he made because I refused to get up and eat and wouldn't even turn around. I have enough issues with resisting food all on my own, much less with someone constantly pushing. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive, he's not paying attention or if he's sabotaging. I do know that we're going to be having a very serious conversation soon. Connie

Try the Glycolax, it really worked for me while I was on it and it must have retrained my system because I've been off of it for a month now and things are moving along just fine! Joanie, ask your doctor about it. Connie, it seems to me about a year ago, the guy you were dating behaved the same way -- was constantly pushing food at you, am I remembering this correctly? Geesh, this is a very difficult time, trying to cope with food without the incentive of losing anymore...don't wait to sit this guy down (or better yet, during a long, invigorating walk -- if he's pushing food, push back at him -- with exercise!) -- and tell him what's what. And here's a tough love piece of advice from one strong broad to another -- next time he offers you soda, look him square in the eye and tell him that you cannot drink the stuff, that you've told him this before, and that you are offended and hurt that he would be so inconsiderate to continue offering it to you. That will/should stop him dead in his tracks and make him listen. No matter what, don't accept the offer! Don't drink the stuff! I should go away now because I'm feeling particularly intolerable to the role other people play in our maintenance success -- if I go down with this thing, I want to fail all by myself, I don't need anyone's help! Love you, sweets -- take care. Maureen

Maureenie!!!! Don't worry about me drinking soda. Like I've said before, one sip inflates me like a Macy's parade float. I just can't do it. The guy I was dating a year ago had wls and was dragging me down his weight gain path, or at least he was trying. I'm not about to let someone else sabotage me; I have enough trouble fighting my own demons and have no intention of taking on someone else's demons. I'm perfectly prepared to get my exercise by walking away from this relationship if it turns out that the man doesn't have enough respect for me to honor my fight with my weight and support me. As for the Glycolax.... I'm on day three. I understand that it takes a few days to work so I'm hopeful. I'm so glad it worked for you and I hope I have the same good fortune. Love ya huge! Connie

Huh? I'm sorry, what did you say? I have a hard time listening as well. I usually only listen to the things I really want to hear. Things like - don't drink with your meal, eat throughout the day instead of getting all your calories in at the end of the day, take vitamins, get more protein, drink more water, stop when you feel full; not when you have a "happy plate" - those words; that thought process doesn't register with me. Isn't it strange that we don't listen to the things that will help us? But I hear loud and clear when the negative dialog starts in my head. I listen to the negativity that I beat myself up with each and every day - that I'm not worthy enough to put myself before everyone else. That I deserve to be heavy, that I've failed the surgery, that I'm the poster child for what NOT to do post-op. God I wish I could sedate that part of me, or at least find a "mute" button that I can permanently engage. Does anyone have any helpful hints as to how to disengage the part of me that listens to the negative and awaken the part of me that will listen to the practical, logical, helpful advice that I have available to me? Connie, once again you've prompted me to think (darn you!!). I'm loving ya, girl. Hugs, Wendy

Wendy!!!! I love it when you pop in. We need a new picture of your bright, smiling face. I work really hard on not playing the negative tapes over and over again in my head. It's hard and it doesn't always work, but I keep trying. My sister lives by the credo of "Fake it 'til you make it." Even if I don't feel it most of the time, I'm trying to "fake" being a thin person until my head catches up. I think you should take the paragraph where you say, "Does anyone have any helpful hints as to how to disengage the part of me that listens to the negative and awaken the part of me that will listen to the practical, logical, helpful advice that I have available to me?" and post it as it's own post. I think this is a topic we should all take a look at. I'm afraid it will get buried on this thread and it's something we could all use help with. Love ya! Connie

Hey Connie, The Dog Thing would have sure ticked me off, I am a dog lover, so that is a big NO NO to me. I don't care where she is from, everyone should no about dogs in cars by now. Being single has nothing to do with it. As for the food & the new boyfriend, it sounds like he is thinking you might need to eat more than you do. Maybe you just need to sit down with him an explain in laymen terms how our new pouch works & you can not eat more than just a little at one meal. (Again) as it seems you have already tried. Hope you can work out the food issues with him, as he still sound like a pretty cool guy. Go out & have a Great Day!! Marilyn, the Bearlady

you know that dog would never have left his human in a hot car like that...i bet the dog has already forgiven her and she still is leaving it in cars. i'm single but i would never leave my little 5 lb pomerian in a hot or a cold car! she is the joy of my life. my kids are all in their late 20's i needed something to spoil and she fit the bill. i'm more protective of her than i ever was with my kids! and i was pretty protective of them! of course she never talks back, always cleans her plate, thinks i'm absolutely wonderful even when i look terrible. she loves leftovers and worries when i'm late coming home. and when i'm having a bad day she will kiss away my tears. i love her. sorry gotta go get a tissue i'm a big blubbery baby over that dog...