I have not been here in a...

I have not been here in awhile, and I posted on the main board, but someone reminded me, I have peers that are bout the same time out as myself, and thought I would come back here and vent, if you will let me... I have been going through a depression that I can not explain. I eat more on days than I want to, and it makes me feel like a failure. I know what my body needs, and what I should be eating, but I grab the "fast food" (if I need an excuse)... I have eaten cake, even tho it makes me break out in a cold sweat and shake for almost 2 hours... then I hate myself for letting it happen... I sometimes eat and I keep looking for something else, like that was not what I wanted, and then end up eating way toooo much. I sometimes don't have time to eat until lunch, and then I am starving, I try and eat right, but then dinner comes, and I over eat... then the depression sets in.. I am a failure, omg..how can any one be a failure after the surgery?? I see all the good posts about how the lives have changed and the surgery has been their port hole into a new begainning... but for me??? I am scared, scared that I alone will fail... then what a dissappointment I will be to my family... I am scared. I have not lost any more weight... I have stayed between 165/170 now.. I want to get out of this slump and start again... If I don't drown myself in worthless pity. Some one suggested that I write down my food intake, I don't need to do it, I already know what my down falls are, I just need to reach deep inside and pull out the strength that is hiding somewhere in my soul... I pray alot... I want this to pass... I don't want to feel so alone, and I don't want to hide from myself, face it head on... fight and get back on track... I can do it... I know I can... Until next time... thanks for listening, and God Bless....

Linda, we are only alone when we limit ourselves to the confines of our negative thoughts. A new direction for you is only a thought away. Before you can get to that place, however, you must find a way to deal with your food obsessions and cravings. I do not believe it is possible to sustain physical health, including significant weight loss, without having achieved mental health and well-being first. Many of us are where you are, at varying degrees of severity. Many of us have ceased losing weight and are struggling to maintain what we have lost. You are not alone in this. Please seek outside help, try to find a therapist who is well schooled in eating disorders and make an appointment right away. If you can't do this, get to the first WLS support group you can find and share with them what you've shared with us. I was at a support group meeting last night and there was a woman there who had surgery over 3 years ago; she was sobbing because she has gained much of her weight back. I know there are people on this board who don't want to hear about regain, but its important to stay aware in all respects of post-surgery life, including the very real threat of regain because we have not adopted behavioral change in our lives. We MUST exercise religiously; we MUST pay close attention to the health ramifications of this surgery for the rest of our lives--not just focus on the numbers on the scale but the numbers on our blood glucose monitors and results from blood work. We MUST address the emotional and psychological links to the ways in which we relate to food in our every day lives. We MUST stay vigilent in our quest to live vibrant, healthy, passionate lives in our new bodies. No matter how well we are loved by others, no one else will ever love us the way we need to love ourselves. Just for today, take a long walk. Start the process of finding a therapist to work with or scheduling a post-op support group meeting. Tell your family you are in trouble and let them know what they can do to help. Just for today, be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and move forward, one baby step at a time. God bless, Maureen

Your One special Lady Maureen..... This post has touched my heart, and even hit a nerve or two....lol I was not going out today feeling a lil depressed over things I have been doing wrong (willfully )re: food choices ect. But I am so inspired by your caring heartfelt words and excellent advice ...I am going for a loooooooooooong walk!!! Thanks for the kick in the Pants ..lol I needed it!!! I have no excuse, I am home all day, everyday and its gorgeous outside, no humidity here today in sunny Fl. so why not start walking again!... Hugz Mary

Oh, Mary, I'm just walkin' alongside everyone else. How was your walk yesterday? Have a good day! Maureen

Linda , just know your not alone on this ok, I have been going thru alot also, If you need a friend give me a call, maybe we can get one another back on track.... I know most of us had Angels before our Wls , maybe we all need a (After Angel) as well!!!! Just a thought..... Maureen said a few things that hit (HOME) today for me...I am leaving right now and going for a walk. God Bless ...keep the faith!!! Hugz Mary

I haven't been on the March board forever, lur****assionally, but was nodding my head to Linda's post.....your not alone. Thanks for the great advice Maureen, I too needed to hear this at this time.....this website is great and I would be lost without it....so thank you for the online friendship! I have regained 5 lbs and scared to death and with Halloween the other day and having young boys, the temptation is too much. I'm proud that I put their candy in little baggies with their names on it, not mine..lol! And packed up the rest for hubby's work.....you know the top of the filing cabinet where junk disappears? I've been going to Curves everyday and going for walks, but the food demons reappear at nights and I need to go back to the begining and up the protein and water. I need to follow my own advice some days. The worse time of year seems to be from Halloween through Christmas....family get togethers means food. Anyway, I wanted to say hello to my fellow Marchers....hope everyone is doing good with their new healthier lifestyles Wendy 3/15/04 278/178/150

Great to hear from you again, Wendy, you look stunning! So happy! Please stick around, we all need each other more now than ever...Maureen

You are not alone !!! I haven't lost since last Nov. and I was still 20 pounds from my gaol. Now I've gained 18 pounds!!! I have been so depressed !! I went to a therapist last week and I'm going to a ( I call him a vodo doctor ) that is treating me for food allergies , he says that the reason I can't stop eating when I eat sugar is I'm allergic to it. So , I've spent about $1000.00 going to him and then last week I even joined a weight loss center and paid them $ 700.00. I stayed on their diet for 4 days and had to eat about 8 times a day to get all the food in. I didn't lose any weight and the protein bars I had to eat caused my sugar to go up to 384 . I have not had any trouble with my sugar since the surgery, so I cancelled my membership there. But I'm not giving up!!! We knew from the first day we had to do what the doctor said , but I thought a little sugar wouldn't hurt and it does not make me sick , but it sure has hurt my weight loss. Pray for me and I'll pray for you .. God bless you. Judy

thank you Maureen, however, I don't feel good about myself these days, but I'm appreciative of your encouragement! Judy, I hope you find something that works for you and I'm Type 1 diabetic and whenever I eat more than 10 sugars or carbs, my blood sugar spikes really high, then I overcompensatate with insulin and usually cra****s a vicious cycle. Every food affets blood sugar and person differently. I was thinking of going to a hyptonist (sp?), like for food and smoking....we'll see. I got out my WW books to see if I can start fresh. I've upped my protein supplements and it helped with eating too much at night. Thoughts and prayers, Wendy

Hi Linda; Believe me, you are not alone! If you read the posts on this board, you will see that you have lots of company. I certainly have more than my fair share of bad days and am in a constant struggle with my old "Demons". I know that you've heard this before, but we need to remind ourselves that it took many years to develop all of the bad habits that got us to the stage of needing WLS. It's just not reasonable to expect to change these habits in such a short time. Unfortunately, I've come to the conclusion that this is going to be a life-long struggle. Something else that you need to do is take a minute and look at how far you have come. You have done amazing things and have much to be proud of. Take a look at your before and after pictures. I also find that this message board helps me get back on track when I make a mess of things. Stay with us, Linda, and we'll get through this together!! Mike