Embarrassing thoughts-please tell me I'm not crazy!

Okay, it's been a long time and I'm sorry for staying away. I'm still at -80 lbs. wishing I could lose that last 20 but happy to be healthy and feeling great. So, anyhoo, have any of you been struggling with thoughts of people other than your spouse because you now are faced with attention from the opposite sex? I am happily married by the grace of God because we have weathered some really difficult years, so I'm not "looking". But I find myself wondering if certain men are attacted to me, and these fleeting thoughts go through my head about the possibilities. Is this normal? I have never faced this before. Is it because I now see myself as halfway attractive? Please tell me I'm not the only one dealing with this! Carla

Carla, welcome back and it HAS been a long time! So good to hear from you. I just wanted to say hi because I really have no thoughts on this subject other than to say when and if my marriage is over (if you've been lurking you know mine is in deep doodoo), I will never LOOK at another man! Too much trouble and heartache. Best of luck with this. If you truly love your husband and are happily married, I would suggest you talk to him about what you're feeling and what's going on. If something's missing in your marriage that's making your thoughts stray, he deserves the opportunity to give you what you need...that's all from Lake Woe-Begone...Maureen

Yes, you have been gone for quite awhile because this has been something we have talked about. Regardless, I do think it is normal to wonder and it can be quite nice to find out that you are correct in that they do find you attractive. However, I do question why when we get married we are supposed to quit looking at the other sex and finding them attractive. I often say to my wife that so and so is beautiful. Now, am I lusting after her and do I want to break up my marriage in an attempt to spend hours, er minutes of heated passion with her is another story. I'm happy that my wife trusts me enough to know that I can appreciate another womans beauty without trying to do the horizontal mombo with her. And I don't care if she comments on some guy being handsome. I have often told her that I don't care where she warms up the car, just as long as it parks in my garage. All that being said, I have shared two times this past summer where I nearly got myself in over my head. You feel good, you are confident and it shows. That in itself can be attractive. For instance, there is a young lady at my bank. She has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. After dealing with her on many occasions I finally said, " I want to qualify this by saying I'm not coming on to you, but you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen." She blushed and said thank you. The other day I walked in in uniform and she about melted in her chair. Will anything ever happen? No, it won't and I don't think she has any desire either, but she found a man who treated her with respect, had an air of confidence, and told her she was beautiful. I told my wife about it, and she named the teller in a second and she said that I was right, she does have the most beautiful eyes. This is getting long winded on my part. But my suggestion would be to talk with your hubby, go warm up your car and park it is his garage!

Hi Carla and welcome back! Yes, we did chat about this before on the board...and I had mentioned that the statistics for divorce after WLS are very high. I am single (divorced way before WLS), and met my boyfriend after I lost my weight, but I felt that marriage counseling should be part of the pre op work up, just as the psychological profile is. Our feelings about ourselves change because we look different. The partner or spouse may feel threatened by our newly found confidence. If this is part of the pre op work up, we can anticipate it and be prepared for it. I think communication is the key to most things in life. From everything I've read, I think what you are feeling is totally normal. Thinking about the possibilities could be fun. Acting on those possiblities could be bad. I've found that "happily married" is a relative term, and everyone has a different definition of what that really is. I'm sure you're going to be just fine....enjoy the flattery and go home to your great husband at night! Best wishes, Joanie

Hi Carla; I think that what you are experiencing is completely normal and you are not alone. Let's face it most of us have gone for many years with little or no self-esteem. We didn't like how we looked and knew that others probably felt the same about us. Now that we are happier with ourselves, we tend to project it to others. It is only natural to be tempted to respond when others display interest or attraction. I have had a few instances of temptation since the "New Me" has emerged from my old fat shell. It's great for the ego and fun to think about, but my wife is still my best friend and soulmate. On the other hand, I am not going to avert my eyes from an attractive woman.....the day I start doing that is the day to start measuring me for my casket!! My wife and I have an agreement: Window shopping is OK as long as we don't "Sample the Merchandise"!!! CHEERS! Mike