non surgery stuff

i am stressed poor with a broken furance and boyfriend who works for a plumbing company while he's not a plumber he might as well be. well i need to vent cause i called him tonight to tell him that i do not have any ho****er. now any smart boyfriend would hang up the phone and get to his upset girlfriends house right? HA! i have no clue as to what i have i thought i had a ho****er heater. NOoooOOOooo i have a coil inside the furance he tells me. I said so how do i know whats wrong? I have oil in the tank. he says to turn on the heat and if the furance doesn't go on then there is a problem. duhHHHH! theres a problem cause i don't have any ho****er! thank god its not the middle of winter. so i said then if the furance doesn't come on should i call my oil company? he said yes. YES! can you believe it??? he did say call me and let me know what happened. HA! its not like i ask for help I wouldn't do that. but when i need help I don't want to ask either. i've helped him without him asking. My question...am i over reacting cause i'm worried? isn't that one of the things that boyfriends/girlfriends are for to help you when your worried? I've gone out of my way to help him at times. Not that i'm saying O so I help you you have to help me. I'm saying I wouldn't wait to have someone anyone ask if they needed help. I would just do it. especially for someone I cared for. And i am worried that this furance thing is a biggie. i'm worried and upset because my car isn't working right either an it was suppose to go into the shop tomorrow cause its not making a good sound now thats got to be canceled cause i don't have the money to do both. and i'm worried because work has been difficult commission isn't good right now i have bills coming out the kazoo the holidays are coming with no money my son is getting married next year and while i'm so looking forward to seeing the extremely heavy ex while I'm thin having not seen him in over 10 years i'm also thinking becuase i have no money that i will have to wear a brown paper bag instead of something sexy slinky and i'll be alone cause this boyfriend has pissed me off and what hair I have left since the surgery all grew back curlier than a poodles and i dont' have a clue as to how to style it and i won't even have money to buy him (son) a present. Add to it that my daughters birthday is next week. she's a good daughter when i called her to tell her to cancel my hair appointment with her stylest she offered to treat me. i refused cause i'm having a hard time with the thought that my kids would have to help take care of their very poor old mother who isn't that old! yet! excuse me i have to grab a tissue to wipe away some of my pity party tears. i'm so having a bad day. Connie! Where are you with one of your storys for me! I need to read one of those histerical wet pant makers NOW! Reenie! I need to read one of your very positive messages that will make me glad that i have money/furnance/boyfriend/car troubles. Your so good at being supportive. Bear lady! I can't wait to read your message to me with your prayers! Mike! Joy! All the rest of you regulars! If your reading this thank you for thinking of me. cross those fingers toes eyes that the furance is some 10 dollar switch.

Pamela, Your boyfriend is male, right? I have discovered in 35 years of marriage that hints are lost on males (sorry Mike and Ken). You have to ask. He may be thinking something stupid like "I don't want to get in there and mess up something--then she would blame me!" There is also a tendency for people to slight those closest to them in things that they do for a living. (The cobbler's children have no shoes syndrome.) You are obviously a person that shows your love through helpful acts of service. He may express his love primarily in other ways. My hubby (after years of delay tactics) got out and painted the garage door with me yesterday. I took the opportunity to tell him that that act made me feel more loved than loving words, or gifts or hugs or sex. That's because I knew he did it just for me--certainly not because he wanted to. He seemed really puzzled over the whole concept and jokingly suggested that there might be some therapy to help me through this problem, but I think he may have started to learn something. My advice is to ask him, and then to praise him profusely for what he does. I hope and pray that you find transportation, heat, and ho****er cheaply, easily, and quickly!! Joy

Chin up, Pammie. I'm on the fly trying to get out the door and will respond more fully later but for now... 1. If you think having a boyfriend is about getting help when you need it, get rid of the boyfriend and get a dog...they're much lower maintenance and a lot more fun to have around... 2. I truly am sorry about your financial problems right now and I'm right there with you...we can only manage that which is manageable. Take a look at your situation, write up a list of competiting priorities and then take care of what you can. Car first, then furnace? Other way around? Both at the same time? Then work out payment terms with these people. We're doing that right now with the guy who fixed the truck -- paying off almost $6,000 monthly - that's all we could manage. 3. You came to the right place, we're here for you, vent all you need to. But take care of yourself. 4. Stop worrying about gifts for your children! You've already given them the greatest gift in the world, one that will last them their lifetimes -- your health! For your daughter's birthday, give her a card that says, "Happy birthday, sweetheart. My gift to you is that I will be around to hold your babies in my arms..." Let your daughter treat you to a new do! She knows you deserve it and she wants to do this for you! Gotta go, babydoll. Chin up, you're gonna be just fine. I'll help you name the dog... Love, Maureen

You are so right about the dog! Joy

Oh my gosh, you really have your hands full. For what it's worth, you're not alone. When you need help, ask for it. I know it's a toughie, but sometimes we have to. Let your daughter treat you to get your hair done....in the long run it will make you both feel better. Don't worry about a dress for the wedding....between all of us women here I'm sure we could come up with something if necessary. You'll look gorgeous no matter what. Tell your boyfriend exactly what you would like him to do...before you go and spend money on the heater. If he says no...well...you know what to do. Ok, now, take my hand....I'm pulling you out of the hole you're in.... happier times are ahead! Joanie, coming to you live from the ranks of the unemployed.

And now a word from a male of the species.....and one, for that matter, who likes to think that he is more sensitive to the female point of view than the average bear......Please write this down: GUYS DON'T RESPOND TO HINTS!!!!! We generally need to be slapped upside the head to get our attention! I'm frankly a bit suprised that he didn't offer to at least take a look at the situation. I can see only 3 possible reasons for this: 1) He's not sure if you want him involved or he's afraid that you'll be mad at him if he can't fix it. 2) He's really dense and it didn't occur to him. 3) He doesn't really care or doesn't want to be bothered. The solution to reasons 1 and 2 is the same.....Ask him for help!! The solution to reason 3 is a personal matter which you need to decide on for yourself. I know from my own communications difficulties with females that you girls can't accept the fact that guys prefer a straigtforward question or answer. Females are hardwired to hint and dance around the issue where guys are deaf, dumb and blind to anything but the cold, hard truth. That's why the only way to break up with a guy is to tell him to get lost and remove all doubt. This communication issue, in my uneducated opinion, is probably the biggest single cause of relationship trouble between men and women with the possible exception of financial matters. I hope that this is of some help and if I offended you, please forgive me. I'm sorry about both your financial and mechanical troubles and hope that the situation improves for you soon. Mike

ok here is my 2 cents. Call him back and ask him to come look at it and give you his opinion. It might be something small he can fix but if not, you can dicsuss who the best people are to call for the initial problem. It is ok if he cannot fix it but aleast someone who might have a general idea of what is wrong would help. If he does not want to be bothered, then you have a decision to make. Is he the one for you and your life or not. Sometimes, it is nice to be the receiver of a gift. I have been told that if you do not take the offer of that which is freely given (Like the hair do) then you are taking the joy away from the person who offered. Remember how good it feels to help one in need? Do not take away your daughter's joy when this is something she can do for you.

Hey Pam, Take a deep breath & say I am O.K. As many others have already said tell your boyfriend exactly what you want him to do for you. If he doesn't do it than, yes, you have to make that all important decision as to Keep him or not. You look great & all the other stuff will work itself out one step at a time. As Reenie stated, take what you can fix & start with that than take another & all of a sudden you will have things getting better. We all seem to be going through lots of STUFF lately,so, don't feel bad about venting. You have to vent somewhere or you will go absolutely out of your lovin mind. We can;'t have that!! so you did the right thing. Mike your comments were great. I laughed It is always nice to have a good male around us to help blend in with all of us wacky females. Ken that also includes you. Pam your days will be better I am sure of it. Marilyn, the Bearlady

Pamela, What everyone has said before about men not taking hints is the absolute truth. Men just communicate differently. I manage both men and women on my team. In a room full of women I could say, "We need to make a kite and I think it needs to have a 6 foot tail and maybe it should be blue." Either every one of the women will run and make the kite because it needs to be done or they will talk amongst themselves and coordinate the kite making. Now if I said the same thing in a room full of men, I would get nada, zip, zilch, zero. Why? Because I did not specifically tell one of them to go make a damned kite. So in the room full of men, I say, "I need a kite. It must have a 6 foot tail and it must be blue. Joe, you make the kite." Joe makes the kite and I'm happy and Joe's happy and all is right with the world. Neither way of communicating is right or wrong, it's just the way we're wired. Women don't like to be told what to do, men prefer their communication simple and direct. I've read up on this stuff for years and it's biologically based. I used to say, "Someone needs to take out the garbage" and that someone would always end up being me. Then one day I blew up. My son and husband just stood there and watched my tirade. Finally they said, "If you wanted us to take out the garbage, why didn't you just say so?" Huh? From that point on, I'd say, "Dan, take out the garbage." Dan would say OK and take out the garbage. Dan was happy, I was happy and the kitchen didn't stink. Pam, I did think of you this morning. I think it was you that posted about the gas the other day. I was standing in the kitchen at the sink when I farted what was possibly the loudest fart of my life. Holy cow, I startled myself. Not as much as I scared the dog, though. He was standing right behind me and I must have scared him because he started barking and baying at my ass while backing out of the room. He scared the hell out of me. It took a bribe with a piece of cheese to get Rufus to come near me. Hang in there and take these problems in bite sized chunks. Hugs, Connie