I Love My Mom, Really I Do

Just have to vent here. My mom is a big woman. She's had issues with me losing weight because I've always been her eating buddy. About 6 months ago, she looked at me and said, "Wow, you're really beautiful." I was without words for one of the first times in my life. I can't recall her ever telling me I was beautiful or pretty. She's always told my sister, but never me. Nooooooo, no dysfunctional family issues here. So I get a phone call this morning that her computer is broken and I must drop everything to run and fix it. She can't get on AOL and Lord knows this constitutes a national crisis. I tell her I'll be right over. Being the good daughter that I am, I make some coffee, clean the kitchen, listen to some music, answer some e-mails, sweep the porch, plant some flowers and rush right over. I walk through the door and she says, "Wow, are you brave to wear shorts in public. I don't think I'd be that brave if I were you." This coming from a woman sitting in a house coat at 2:00 in the afternoon. Arrrrgghhhh!!! Connie (who brought the computer home to fix and will be doing the gardening, scrubbing the floors, washing the laundry, polishing her nails and scrubbing the tub before she gets around to looking at the computer)

Oh yeah... I almost forgot... Before surgery, she asked me what I was going to do with all my leftover skin after I lost weight. I told her I was going to make lamp shades and book covers.

HUGZ!!!!!!

I'm thinkin' I need to head west and have myself a talk with your mother...Maureen

You know, we can barely deal with our own feelings and hangups. Then, there is the baggage handed to us by those we love, especially parents. My Mom always made me feel bad about my weight issues before WLS even though she had always had weight issues too. I never really told her about my WLS surgery--she just thought I dieted. She just kept warning me to watch my eating so I don't gain it back. And she worried that I wasn't eating enough. Go figure. In her own way she loved me. She just couldn't get past her issues enough to see me for who I am. It is sad that she could not share my victories, but it is her loss, and I know it was not malicious. I loved her, but was not blind to her shortcomings. (Apparently, she was not blind to mine either! ) She has only been gone for 2 weeks, and I miss her, but I also feel a sense of peace that finally she understands me in a way that she never could in this life. I don't have to defend myself to her, and I know she watches me, cheering for every victory, sharing each tear. Connie, this is not intended as a guilt trip. My mom drove me crazy and I spent most of my life in passive resistance to her control. I understand how you feel, but maybe my perspective will help you deal with her. Don't let her get to you. Protect yourself, then love her anyway. Joy

Thanks, Joy. I love my mom dearly and am grateful to have her. She just makes me a little crazy. You're right, I just have to remember to let her own her issues and not take them on myself. Hugs, Connie