UPDATE

Thanks to all of you who took such care in replying to my SOS about my son, Devin. Your advice and kind, beautiful words of encouragement touched me and my husband, Jim, deeply. How many times can a person say thank you and in how many ways? Thank you so much. We took Devin to a therapist last night and the session was quite productive I think. I like this therapist - Jim and I have been working with him for about two months and he seems very insightful, with a no-nonsense approach to identifying problems and solutions to them. The work is huge -- we're trying to sort through it all. The doc's assessment of Devin is that he is full of rage that he has no mechanisms in place to control it. The rage is at least partly attributable to puberty -- like women and menopause, some kids have a much harder time with it than others; also attributable to our marital strife and fighting in front of the kids (we've done a lot of it -- nasty stuff). He agrees that Devin's behavior is alarming but his thinking at this point is that he will benefit from therapy but that he sees no reason to medicate him or even to have him psychologically evaluated to determine a diagnosis of mental illness -- he does not feel that is the case here. He says Devin is also extremely bright and having a difficult time with the mediocore level of education at his school (it sucks). Soooooo, weekly therapy starts now; Jim and I stop fighting in front of the kids effective immediately; we start looking at school alternatives for Devin. And we do what everyone else does with their stuff -- keep going... You guys are my rock. Love, Maureen

I'm glad you seem to finding a solution. While my children are younger I can tell our Dr. gave us some very similar information regarding what we considered inappropriate reactions to certain events. I'm not bragging, but all of my kids test off the scales in stardardized testing ( must get it from their mom) and I do think it can cause more problems then other kids. He felt a lot of their angst came from the battle of their minds be capable of higher thought, but not being able to preform the activity due to limitations from age and size. This created an rage which sought out a release. If your son has the time, I might suggest some martial arts. The right form can help to learn to channel the aggresion and the physical part can wear them out. I'm be thinking of you, best of luck.

GOOD job Mom and Dad! I think giving Devin a place to work thru his issues will be beneficial to all of you! My son also has an above average IQ and the only thing that keeps him interested in school is our science and social studies program which touches on all kinds of things, then WE at home delve deeper into what ever catches his attention he then goes to school with all this CRAP we have discovered! LOL Doing this helps him stay interested and helps with some of his social issues. We do a trivia question every morning at school on morning announcements and the first class to get the answer gets a point and the class with the most points gets a prize (lame but the kids love it!) anyway, the kids were THRILLED when Britton was in there class, he EXCELS at this stuff and it helps him. He also is in quite a few sports where he isn't the best or the most natural athlete and has to work hard at it! WE are looking for a martial arts thing as well, like Ken suggested but right now he is in gymnastics and rock climbing and is enjoying it so ... all that to say what??? nothing other than you do what you do and always do the best you can and I see you doing that for Devin. He is lucky to have you in his corner! {{hugs}} nic 291-165-150

Hi Maureen; I'm glad that things are moving forward for all of you. I hope that you all can resolve at least some of the issues troubling you. It certainly looks like you are heading in the right direction. I hoping for the best. Mike

Maureen, Good for you and Jim to tackle the problem quickly and efficiently. I think it shows Devin that although you and Jim are going through a tough time, you can put your differences aside and do what is best for him and Jess. I know this is a difficult time for you. I'm having a tough time with my situation as well. My soon to be ex (who is STILL living with us) and I have my oldest daughter (almost 10 yrs. old) in weekly therapy just to help her gain some important coping skills as the family as she knows it begins to change. What we're going through is very difficult. I know that you and Jim have tried your best and you should be applauded for that. Marriage is not easy. Relationships are not easy. Staying together just for the kids is not the answer as I have finally come to realize. I'm here if you ever need to chat off line. This stuff is life changing and we need to go forward with our eyes wide open and with our friends at our sides. Hugs, friend! -Wendy