FOLLOW-UP

Reenie, I've been down the angry adolescent road. He're what I learned... Being sad or depressed is not a familiar or OK emotion for adolescent boys. Being angry is. Being sad about their parents, their life, their out of control emotions, or lack of friends is something most boys don't know how to deal with. Being angry is an emotion that they can relate to so they often turn depression and sadness into anger. Anger is a very common m,anifestation of depression in young boys. Devin probably feels like his life is out of control because he knows that his parents aren't getting along and his future is uncertain. Compound that with raging hormones and you have turmoil to spare. As for the fire setting, be glad that he talked to you about this and let him light a fire. Danny went through this and a lot of boys do. We made a deal with Danny that he could light a fire anytime he wanted. The stipulation was that one of us was there and he lit it in the grill outside. There seems to be something about controlling the uncontrollable that makes adolescent boys feel better. My ex totally related to this and let Danny light fires anytime he wanted - as long as we were there. Believe me when I tell you that I was a nervous wreck with a garden hose in my hand as he built the damned fires. After the first 4 or 5, the thrill was gone and he didn't ask anymore. Having said all that, I agree about getting Devin some help. His future is uncertain (as he sees it) and he needs someone neutral to talk to. Find him someone who specializes in adolescents. Maureen, be concerned, but don't panic. The truth probably lies somewhere between typical pubescent teenage angst and something more serious, but you'll get to the bottom of it. I can't begin to tell you what I went through with Danny. In the end, he turned out to be a great kid. There were times I thought one of us was going to end up killing the other, but we made it through. That's a whole 'nother book. I'll tell you about it next time we talk if you want. The important thing is that you keep fighting for Devin. Love ya huge and I'm praying for you all, Connie

How could Danny be anything other than a wonderful person with you for a Mom? I think you are dead-on correct in all that you share here. Danny's story gives me courage and hope -- just like you do for all of us all of the time. I'll be in touch. Love, Maureen