I NEED YOUR HELP

Dear, dear friends ... if anyone has experience working with troubled or very difficult youth, please help me. My son, Devin, is 12. His out-of-control rage has escalated and he has become violent and very destructive. This morning, he came just short of heaving a very heavy antique iron at my head. He was in close proximity and had he not stopped himself, I would be in the hospital right now -- or worse. His rage is unmanageable and he screams (this is such an understatement but I don't know how else to describe it) in our faces constantly -- calling us names and worse. He doesn't care about school and his friends have stopped calling him. I can't remember the last time Devin received a phone call or was invited to do anything with anyone. He used to have such great friends, a great group of boys that have grown up together in Little League, through basketball and soccer. He is playing soccer with these guys but they don't "let him in" anymore - he's not a part of the group. He has become a loner and says he wants to be alone, he likes to be alone. This morning he asked me with such indifference, without even a hint of an emotion, if he could set something on fire, something in the house. My blood ran cold. I asked him why and he said, "Because I like to watch things blow up." I am frightened. I am frightened of my own son. We used to be so close, so loving together. We laughed and laughed together. He just started 7th grade and I don't know what to do. I came very close to calling the police this morning. I know this isn't the forum for this sort of thing, but does anyone have any experience with this? I just don't know what to do. I love him so much but I am so afraid. Thanks. Maureen

Well, so much for my lurking. Maureen, you need to get your son to a mental health professional for a full evaluation asap. It could be anything, but it sounds like he may be bipolar in the least. This age of raging hormones will exacerbate any kind of problems like that and you don't want him to continue down this path. For his sake, your sake and your families sake, get him in immediately and get to the bottom of this. It could be one thing or several things attached, but he needs professional help right now. Let us know how it goes. I hope they can get him regulated quickly. The thing is, if he is bipolar and you get him treated for it now, he has a MUCH better chance of controlling it later on down the road. Good luck! Dina

I would suggest a good counselor as well as some good testing. I know it is scary! My son is 9 and deals with rage issues and is ADHD and DIS. HE has been on medication since end of first grade and is in 4th now. We are doing better, he is dong better, I talk all the time about feelings and appropriate ways of showing them. We went thru a time when we went NO where because ANYTHING would set him off and it is horrifying to have to restrain your child to keep him from hurting himself or property. {{hugs}} nic

Sweetie, I'm w/ Dina on this. Please have him evaluated to see if he may be suffering from some type of depression. I remember how difficult my teenage years were, and I didn't realize that depression is an illness - not a character flaw. I wish I would have had the type of family who didn't whisper "depression" under their breaths and ignore the problem because somehow it will go away. Get him (and you if need be) some help from a physician, a mental health professional and see what's going on with him. You don't want this to escalate any further. You could be putting yourself and your son in grave danger. We don't want anything to happen to either of you, so please - at least talk to his school counselor and get some reccommendations on professionals that can evaluate him and get him some help. I'm praying for you and sending you a great big hug. -Wendy

I am with everyone else here when it comes to getting help. I would start with school first. It sounds like something happened at school. He may now be an outcast, like you said his friends stopped calling him. School can be so incredibly traumatizing when your isolated or possibly the butt of jokes and what not. Is he getting harrased over the internet from school kids? I jus****ched Dr. Phil about that and its scary what type of torment happens without the parents knowing on line it can be devastating...check that out for sure... there are key loggers for the computer that can track everything your son types. It may help. It sounds as though he is screaming for attention but does not have a clue what kind of attention he wants or needs. As you would not know what type of attention to give because you ARE giving him attention...but whatever problem is going on in his head that attention is not satisfying him. Something else is hurting him inside. Its not your lack of love thats for sure.... Talk to counselors at school and see what may have happened. Have you asked him about what happened at school or if he is having a hard time at school? Im sure you have... and if there is any kind of chemical disturbance there such as bipolar or adhd etc... like dina said it really would aggravate the whole situation. Maureen my heart goes out to you and breaks...I have a little boy and it just strikes home. I hope and pray that he comes around for you and that you can get to the bottom of things. God bless you and your son! I will pray for you both! ((((((maureen!))))))

Hi Maureen, I also had the RNY surgery in March, 2004 and Iam a Social Work Supervisor in a Child Welfare Agency. I agree with our March colleagues that this may be a mental health issue (chemical imbalance) but I would recommend that you talk to your son's doctor about a drug test - often that can be the cause of sudden behavior/mood changes. The correct diagnosis is critical to getting the right treatment. Please let me know if I can help or support you in any way. Dena Vriesema