Hi Everyone!

Welp...where to start. 'big sigh' I just need to get this out there. I try my best to be optomistic but today I am going the other route...I am just disgusted with myself quite frankly. I totally feel like a failure when it comes to getting to my goal weight or even under 200! I am one of those people that is still fat and still has the burdern of thinking about food food food... all the time. Its so tiring and dont know why I put myself through it all... Stress in my marrage, stress with finances and just stress with getting the rest of my stupid weight off is just....argh! you know. 'sigh' I have had people tell me ... oh you dont need to loose anymore weight. Thanks (i know they mean well mostly) but uh...when they tell me that- it just strikes home how much more I DO need to loose and when they continue to ask me "so how much more do you want to loose or think you should loose"..its like...ok you dont need to evaluate me for some disfunctional eating behaviour problems to see if I am turning anorexic because they already KNOW that I have more to loose...please (comming from the skinniest of women) BUT if you really must know aproximately 50-60 pounds. Thanks for reminding me. Anyone feel me on this one? 145 lbs is top weight for my height but of course I add like 10 or so pounds due to hanging skin and such which is horrific I might add.. nothing NOTHING fits right because of my HUGE bat winged arms and stupid huge panni ...I have such bizzare proportions. Do you know I still wear size 22/24 tops????? yep. sure do. UGH!!!! makes me want to scream! I honestly and seriously CANNOT go under those sizes because of my arms and lower stomach. its just ...frustrating me to tears. well almost...I try not to dwell to much but have to rant once in awhile to get it all out you know. Makes me too depressed to dwell on it too much...anywho... I am at 211 and I am only 5'4... I have been diagnosed with arthritis in my lower spine which has been acting up lately... I have had pain in my upper back (horrible pain at times which went on steroids for) now my right breast is going completely numb all day long on and off from this back stuff...which is scary ... sheesh so that makes me feel even WORSE because it just goes to show that I NEED to get the weight off my back, especially because of the arthritis...i have been trying to pull myself together...its jsut been really rough...havent been able to buy my glennys protein bars and protein items because of finanaces... but i have some powder left over if i can get myself to start gagging it down the protein ALWAYS aids in my weight loss. ye****s not that i dont know what i gotta do... kill the sugar of course... kill the carbs... blah blah blah... it shows that i need to come around here more often to keep it together and to get the support and incentive that you guys always give so sweetly! Im sorry i am being a putz and a downer and all that mess. Just need to vent and see if anyone else is stuck at above 200? I know many aren't which aside from that making me feel a bit down... moreover it gives me inspiration to loose it... to see that it can be done! because honestly ... it feels like a lost cause sometimes! welp i have blabbed enough and will set you all free from this crap. Love to all of yoU!!! Elizabeth M

Elizabeth, I am SOOOO glad you posted this. I have been very worried about you for a long time. You've done the right thing by coming here with all your thoughts. Don't you see, sweetie, that holding all of these thoughts and feelings inside of you is adding emotional weight to your burden? First things first. It sounds as if you are having significant medical problems associated with the redundant, excessive skin, especially in the abdomen region, which causing serious consequences to the rest of your skeletal areas. It sure sounds to me like your insurance will cover an abdominoplasty, at the very least. You don't need to wait to lose all of your weight before you get this done! I think if you get the belly skin removed, you will be able to move forward with the rest of your weight loss, I really believe this. Get you PCP to write a letter requesting approval for the abdominoplasty -- THEN find a plastic surgeon to perform the procedure once you have been approved. I know you probably don't want to hear this from me but numbers are only as BIG AN ISSUE as we decide to make them. The fact that you aren't under 200 YET is only a temporary cir****tance. And, in fact, the fact that I am holding my own at 145 IS ONLY TEMPORARY AS WELL, if I decide as much. Meaning, I will be right back at 200 in a heartbeat if I deem it so. Geez, everything in life is temporary; trim your toenails, they've grown back in two weeks; cut your hair one way and in a couple of months in an entirely different style; married one day, single the next or (God forbid) married to someone else in another year! All we can do is STAY AWARE. Awareness is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves. There are things that are in your control right now; and there are other things that are beyond your control. Take care of what you can and leave the rest alone. Are you exercising? I find this to be the single most important jumpstart to breaking a plateau - moving my ass. Hard and often. I just had to drop my car off at the garage (another $1,000 out the window) and the guy offered to drive me home - 2 miles. I said, "No thanks, I need to move." WOULD I HAVE DONE THIS PRE-SURGERY??? I DON'T THINK SO!!! It is a gorgeous fall New England day and I LOVED my walk, even carrying my rediculously heavy briefcase all the way home. You must move, sweetheart. Now, let me follow this with the fact that as soon as I got in the door, I had a bowl of raisin bran -- stress eating, just don't have any money right now to fix these vehicles!! But have to get to work somehow!! Ah, forget about it, just EAT. (That's the voice in my head that won't quit anymore.) I didn't need the raisin bran, I had lunch right before I left the office. So, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT! Try to make it maneagable. Just do what you can. Maybe you just need to look at one day at a time. Just commit to ONE DAY, a clean day of eating and exercising, get all your water in, take you vitamins, and then reassess at the end of the day to see how you feel. If you feel good, tell yourself, "Hey, that wasn't so bad; I'll do this again tomorrow." In the meantime, get to your doctor to see about getting that panni removed. You CAN do whatever you decide is important enough for you TO do. It's NOT easy. It never will be. But it IS doable, darlin'. All my love, Maureen

Hi Lizziebeth! While I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, I'm mighty glad that you came back to vent. We are all here to help one another through the bad times as well as celebrate the good!! I certainly can understand your frustration with the dreaded 200 lb. barrier. It's like a huge brick wall that frustrates all efforts to break through. Even though I broke through a while back, I have spent months bouncing back and forth over that line. Even now, I occasionally get back to 200. The key is that I try to keep the trend downward as my weight bounces around. While it may seem like you have such a long road ahead of you, it pays to glance in the rearview mirror from time to time and see how far you have come. Now I don't recall what your starting weight was, but I know that you have lost well over 100 lbs.!! That ain't no small accomplishment kiddo!! Think back to Pre-OP times and consider how much you would have loved to see 211 on your scale!!! I know it sounds trite, but one day at a time is really the only way to deal with it. If you set out to have a good day today, you've made a start. String a few good days together between bad days and amazing things start to happen. The trick is to start over when you have a bad day. One bsd day is easy to overcome as long as you don't give up and let the bad days pile up. Just keep trying and keep in touch, we're here for you. Mike

Elizabeth, I don't post much but have seen the need here lately to put in my 2 cents... I am still above 200 just like you, I have a daily struggle with sugar and carbs, and I think about it constantly. I fortunately am about 2 inches taller than you, so I'm not as far my goal as you, but still the same, it's another 30-40lbs that I need to loose, and my co-workers are constantly telling me I'm getting too skinny, the other day a lady told me that I must only weigh 160 and I needed to stop loosing... I quickly said thanks for the compliment, but that I was still above 200lbs and had some more to loose... I'm wearing xl shirts and 16-18 pants, and that's all great and dandy for some, but not good enough for me... Sister I FELL YOUR PAIN believe me... You're not alone in this struggle at all... Please feel free to email me anytime and we can get to know eachother on a more personal level and vent to eachother and help eachother break the 200lb barrier... I have had marriage issues and am just getting the finances undercontrol, so you see we seem to have some mirroriing problems we might be able to help eachother with... Hope to hear from you soon, and don't give up... we can & WILL win this battle... Lori

Thanks guys!!! ((hugs)) Your comments mean so much to me. Thanks Maureen and Mike and Lori (Lori whats your eml address? drop me a line I couldnt click on your name) It is hard and a daily struggle. I weighed myself today and it said I gained 2 pounds overnight LOL... ah well... I know I am retaining water and just umm... not as regular as I want to be... 'wink' its so frustrating!!! I ate a brownie last night. 'sigh' stupid stupid stupid...me too with the sugar and carbs. Why I am sabotaging myself I just cannot understand...my husband says... well do you want it bad enough? I DO I DO honestly ... I wish I could understand why I choose the bad things. here i made this super healthy vegetable soup and then ate a brownie. Ok i ate 2. 'sigh' since im confessing might as well own up! lol.. 2 brownies...2 pounds makes sense! LOL...sheesh. well makes sense in my world...the world of Beth. ANYWHO... I am so far doing OK... just ok.. I was really hungry today... hmm.. browines wouldnt be cause of that would it? LOL! but I had grits 2 slc bacon and soup thus far... oh and tbs peanut butter for snack. so if I jus****ch myself and have my veggie soup and a protein bar instead of a brownie! I will be doing good for today. i need to keep myself busy... if i dont keep busy i eat. which sucks. im one of those bored eaters. the worst. so if i clean or do something with my time im usually alright. you are right... one day at a time. I just wish my back could keep up with me. I am going to mention the adbominoplasty maureen... i just have it in my head no plastics till i loose all the weight! but i shouldnt think that way i suppose my back is a mess and it feels just terrible! now getting it approved will be SUCH a hassle... they were giving me trouble just getting an mri of my spine and head ... big time... my docs were fighting on the phone with them... they seem to be cracking down on things. which is crazy. if it is causing health problems then it should NOT be considered cosmetic...but i hear some companies are doing that now. bsbs from what i heard. i have aetna. well im going to keep trying ... i need to try MUCH harder though...and i definitely need to keep in touch here ! luv you guys! ((hugs)) Elizabeth M

I will keep you in my prayers, I am going through alot right now also, and now have been told I am anemic to boot! When it rains it pours ha....Here is a big hug I hope it helps (((((((((Maureen))))))))))

Elizabeth, please forgive me That Hug was for you sweety (((((((((((((((((( Elizabeth)))))))))))))))))))) Heck here is one for you also (((((((((((((Maureen)))))))))))))...Good stuff this codein... See what happens when ya break your toes and pop Codeine ...lol

Girl, I am right there with you. So far my lowest low has been 198.5, then of course I jumped right back up to 202, then 203, then 199, then 201...you know the deal. Its always been that way for me though. I should be waaaaaaaaay close to goal by now. My metabolism is super fast, i had it tested. Anyway...try not to be hard on yourself and like Reenie said, take it one day at a time...you will get there. Hugs!! Rhonda

Elizabeth, I don't ever really post on this board...don't ask me why. But I read your post yesterday and thought a lot about you last night. We are totally in the same boat. Feel free to email anytime. [email protected] Stephanie 402/261/180ish

Elizabeth, I have missed you. I know how you feel , I have not lost any since last Nov. In fact I've gained !!! I have joined this thing , (I don't know if I can say in on here ) "Back on track" . Today is my first day. I had heard this woman speak in Gainsville, Ga. a few months ago , she had written a book.. Anyway , I'm going to try my best to get back on track. Pray for me and I'll pray for you too. Judy