OUT OF CONTROL

If you're going through what I'm going through, you're not alone. I am completely out of control with the food, I am doing what I thought I'd never do again. I am binge eating. The sky is falling and I am out of my mind with the stress of it all. Hanging on by my fingernails in my marraige. We are actually talking about divorce and trying to get through it as friends. Neither of us wants to end it but we can't seem to stand being in the same room together anymore. My daughter was in an accident this weekend, she's ok mostly, but the truck is in very bad shape. Our finances are in the toilet. I can't seem to get a grip on anything. I don't want to complain or talk about my troubles because we all have them. But I am binge eating. I can eat anything, in any amount. And if it's not nailed down I will eat it. I've gained 7 lbs. in 3 days. My sugar levels are skyrocketing (the sweets) and then plunging; I just did a test and it read 48, I'm shaking violently. Is anyone else going through this? Can you eat as if you never had the surgery? I am starving all the time, real physical hunger. Add the emotional component and I feel lost. Just lost. Maureen (have let go of my nickname, Reenie, hope this is ok with all).

reenie! ((((big hugs))))) im so sorry you are going through this...and yes i am right there with you... the binge eating... its been pringles with me.... please please please read my post about low blood sugar... this happened to me when iwas NOT binge eating... its a side effect for roux-en-y patients... please be very careful with your health and eating....this can be dangerous from what i have read and being that i almost passed out last night i belive it... it really is scary... try to eat healthy and stay positive... i know easier said than done... with everything you are going through it is most likely that you are turning to food for comfort right now... you eat you feel that bit of relief until the bit of nauseau hits and you feel guilty...... its that old cycle and habit rearing its ugly head... remember how far youve come and remember that eating healthy now is more important than ever for the simple fact that we will never be the same and our insides are completely different and we need to take great care of ourselves to ensure good health in the future. You have your health... and your daughter is healthy and pulled through the accident... blessings to count. we can beat this food thing together! all i think about now is food and i know its terrible. i took an apple to work and have been choosing pretzels instead of my favorite type of snaks....since i am not a huge fan of pretzels i dont go too overboard. eat those yummy fruits and crispy veggies... keept he good stuff on hand and what always works for me are the glennys protein bars (found at excerds) sooo good and the best choice when those munchie**** when i get out of control i start to go back to blending my protein shakes and getting in the protein... it seems to break those strong cravings... go back to the basics... its getting harder and harder but its a must... hit the vitamin shoppe and pick up some bars and drinks... hang in there we can beat this... for nothing else than our health! ((((hugs)))) Elizabeth M

I have my days when I want to eat everything in sight, and I feel like I can. I guess the 'good' thing is that I physically do not have the ability to take in that much food. I can tolerate junk food better than healthy food at times, but I still can't eat that much. My heart goes out to you, because I too feel like I've been given a gift that I am not treating with the respect it deserves. Hang in there. You are facing some rough challenges right now and try to remember, the food didn't help before, so nothing has changed there. Hugs!!! Mo

Maureen, First things first... I'm glad that Jillian is physically OK after the accident. How scarey that must have been. Screw the truck. The important thing is that your daughter is OK. I've certainly had my out of control moments, hours, days, weeks. Sometimes I can figure out what is triggering them and sometimes I don't have a clue. I know that Joanie disagrees with this, but I maintain that I am exactly the same person I was 18 months ago. I have the same habits, the same tendency to turn to food for comfort, the same view of myself as the fat girl. The difference is that I can get a grip on my eating much easier than I ever could before only because the surgery forces me to. Reenie (sorry but you're still Reenie to me) don't be unrealistic in your expectations of yourself. I can see the writing on the wall now... You feel like your life is spiraling out of control and you eat to comfort yourself. You get frustrated and angry at yourself for not controlling the eating and you eat more to comfort yourself, which makes you feel bad so you beat yourself up again. Well, stop it! I don't mean stop eating, I mean stop beating yourself up. I know that what I'm about to say is heresy in the wls world, but so what if you gain a few pounds? I do mesan a few pounds. Caution: Soap Box Ahead. WLS is a wonderful, amazing, life saving tool, but let's face it, most of us got fat in the first place because we used food to comfort, soothe, placate and smother our emotions. Eating is a coping mechanism for most of us. It's patently unrealistic to expect that we can totally remove a coping mechanism without replacing it. Some of us turn to alcohol, some of us turn to shopping and others turn to sex. The really wiley ones among us learn to still use food as a coping mechanism by eating smaller amounts more frequently, grazing our way through the day. There are a few of us who can truly make a transition to the lighter side and manage to create healthier coping mechanisms, but I'd wager that those folks are the minority. You're going through a rough time right now. Allow yourself time to be human and regroup. Don't beat yourself up for trying to comfort yourself with what has been a tried and true friend for most of your life. After you stop beating yourself up, take a deep breath and turn to us. You know that you can come to the board, write to me or call me anytime. Lord knows if I can write about my insane family, my now non-existent dating life and all the other craziness that makes up Connie's world and not get thrown off the board, you can certainly come to the board with what is going on in your life. We're going to get through this together. I love you Reenie and I'm here. Connie

i love you ,too, reenie...and i am also here...... i'm just eating all day long...no reason....just cuz i can????? and i DO know better.....

(at work here) but had to just raise my hand when connie said eat small meals to comfort many times a day .... yep thats me... thats my form of binging ... grazing... its the WORST! its something that I have to catch each and every time when i get ready to do it. It sure is still hard to control...even more now than ever! i will try to get on here more often I really do miss everyone so much! and when i dont come on here i start to feel out of touch and too "normal" in a food sense of normal... unauthorized... Elizabeth M

Oh Gosh, Reenie....I feel so bad. I can tell you that if the marriage is over, let it go and stay friends. I did that six years ago, and it was the best thing, especially when children are involoved. My boyfriend is going through a nasty one, and it makes everything much harder on everyone involved. Finances...well....I'm unemployed so you can imagine what I'm going through. Not to mention the fact that I'm home all day...with my head in the fridge. I am having the physical hunger too, and yes, I can eat a lot. I wish there were a surgery where the pouch STAYED small and I can be full on 2 or 3 bites. They're looking like the 'good ol days' to me now. In order to handle everything, I am trying to set up an eating time table, so to speak. I only drin****il 9am, then I allow myself breakfast. Then I attempt to NOT put another crumb in my mouth until lunch and I just drink and drin****il then. Lunch is 11:30 or noon. Then I let myself have a snack between 2 and 3, then dinner at 5 or so, then a snack at 8 or 9. Does it always work. Hell, no. But I'm trying. I am feeling very lazy at this point in time....I would like to go back to school but when I think of all the work, plus the fact that in the middle of my schooling, I will be moving to a different area....I'm not sure what I should do at this point. I am glad your daughter is ok, and I'm sure the truck can be fixed. Temporary setback. My thoughts and prayers are with you, babe. I've always looked forward to your posts...so insightful, honest and true....and I'm also looking forward to happier times for you. They will come. Joanie

Raising my hand....me too. I find that I have a problem in the mornings. I think I am probably not getting enough protein. But I also find that my ppouch still governs the amount of food I can hold. I try to be "wise" in what I eat and drink. Not always, (I dumped on Sunday night with ice cream over blackberry cobbler.) That will make me behave for a while I hope. I decided a long time ago I was not going to sweat a little weight gain. So far I have stayed within my goal of under 160 for the past several months. Therefore I am not going to beat myself up. Reenie: I am so sorry all your life is in turmoil right now. I think it was easier for me in being single and handling the WLS alone. It was a lonely journey. But now I have met someone who makes my life complete. And I am so glad I made the decisions I did. Hang in there...as we know...there is a light somewhere down that tunnel.

I feel, live, am right there with you in your terror. I too am a bingeing machine sometimes. I too am going through the nuttyiness of a melting relationship. I want connie to me my head doctor cause she makes a ton of sense. Can I play devils advocate? I read somewhere on one of the message boards that sometimes without any pain the stomach pouch thingy and open up alittle bit and all of a sudden you feel the incrediabel hunger like before. The posting I read the person went back in and had the surgery done over again. Has anyone else read about this? Have you talked to DR A about it?

Maureen, I SO know how you feel. I'm going through a lot of lows in my life right now. The future is uncertain as a single mom and I'm scared to death, yet somehow excited at the thought of new beginnings. My eating is out of control as well. I can (and do) sit down w/ a bag of Lay's Sour Cream and Onion chips and will eat 1/2 the bag in one sitting. It's awful, but I don't feel physically bad afterwards, I just beat myself up over it and eventually go back for more. While at the store today (stocking up on hurricane supplies), I could have reached for another bag of chips, but I decided that if they aren't in the house, I won't eat them. So - I'm giving myself a small pat on the back for making a good decision NOT to buy them. I'm trying to eat protein and salads/veggies for the most part, but it is difficult. I live off of coffee for breakfast and don't usually truly eat until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. Unfortunately I tend to get all my calories in between 2 and 7 pm. Not a good thing to do. I had to go for my annual well woman exam this a.m., and my gyno was complimenting me on my weight loss. She asked me how much I had lost, how I did it (can she NOT see the huge scar down my belly?!?) and so on. She asked if I was eating right and excersising...I told her that I'd thought a lot about it and that I just haven't been doing all that I should be doing. She then said something that really made me think. She said that I shouldn't risk my life to have the surgery and then not do all that I can to make it truly successful. Hmmmmm - good thought. So, she lectured me about several things (especially when I told her that I was getting divorced - safe sex, anyone?!?), and I promised her that I would take care of ME since I'm the only one who can do it. We're all in this together - none of us have to go it alone. I'm here, all your friends are here and we're not going anywhere! I feel such a connection to everyone here. You can lean on me - on us. I'm going through the whole "let's divorce and be friends" scenario. Some days it's easier than others (we're still living in the same house), but I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and happiness awaits me there. What we're going through will test our resolve, but you and I will come out of this just fine. Hang in there and take care of yourself. I'm just an email away. You can email me off line and I'll be happy to give you my phone number and we can chat if you feel like it. I love you, sweetie. It'll all be OK - I promise! Hugs - -Wendy