It's amazing how we keep going and going....

I am seeing a counselor also and these issues although not put into those words, are definitely part of what is going on with me also. I find that I am navigating the world differently now and although much of it has to do with others' reactions to me (men specifically), it also has to do with my own self-confidence or lack of self-consciousness I should say. Sometimes I am shocked at how things are different, while other times I find myself playing with how things are different like a cat plays with a mouse. I am starting to realize the power that one can have just by choosing to use it. I'm not reckless here, but I am finding myself experimenting, especially with the flirting thing. I see how men can be so easily manipulated and it intrigues me. Like I said, I don't abuse it, but I do find myself playing with it....seeing where one can go with it. It's all just a big experiement for me right now. I always have to play with a new toy until I know exactly what it can or cannot do. This is the same for me as any little electronic device that I just gotta have. When I figure it out, most likely it will end up sitting at the bottom of my purse unused. Dina

My answer to this question depends on the day of the week that you ask me. Today it feels like the more things change, the more they stay the same. Two years ago, I was struggling with my weight. Today, I'm still struggling with my weight. I'm struggling with 10 pounds instead of 140, but still struggling. Don't get me wrong, I'll gladly take the 10 pound struggle, but I still have a weight issue and always will. Two years ago, I didn't have a steady partner in my life and today I still don't. I wasn't willing to settle for just anyone when I weighed 286 pounds and I'm not willing to settle now. I might just stubborn myself into a life of spinsterhood and be known as the cat lady, but there are worse things than cleaning a litter box on a regular basis. OK, maybe if we're talking 30 or 40 cats there's a problem. The next 6 months.... Wow, with any luck, things will change a lot. In Connie's perfect world, the last 10 pounds will be GONE. My new business will be up and running, I will have finally kicked the butt of my ridiculous insurance company and had my tummy and arm skin removed. I will have been to Spain, Portugal and Morroco and back. After I'm done with this post, I'm booking my tickets so that will just leave 3 more things to get done. Isn't it funny that it's easier for me to fly half way around the world than it is for me to lose 10 pounds? I just want to thank you guys for hanging in there and letting me share your journeys. I'm grateful for the honor of traveling by your sides and blessed that you share so much of yourselves. Love you guys huge, Connie

Amen on the weight struggles. It never ends, does it? For me it's 30 more lbs before plastics and hopefully that will bring me down to my goal. IF I get plastics. But I am going through that too. It blows me away that before surgery losing 30 lbs was a start and something I could do fairly easily. Now it's a struggle. But one that I knew would happen. It's always the last 10 (or in my case 30) that are the toughest to get off, right? As for holding out for Mr. Right - I am so proud of you for not settling. It's funny because sometimes we convince ourselves we're not settling when we really are. You seem to have a handle on that. Not something many of us can say. On the business front - have I been gone that much that I missed this? What are you doing to start your own business???? Dina

Dina, I've had the privelege of having been with two exceptional men in my life and know how wonderful life can be with the right person. I'm not about to settle for less than what I know is possible and what works for me. As for the business, sign language is my first language. My parents are both deaf so my sisters and I grew up signing. We've all been interpreters at one point or another and all taught our children to sign. We've started a business teaching parents to sign to their babies as well as day care providers. It's fledgling and just getting off the ground, but we're getting there. After a particularly craptacular day yesterday, I came home to find my third denial letter from my insurance company in the mailbox. Now I get to go to the state insurance commission. What a pain. Connie

Dina, I'm all about time lines and goals. I guess that's the project manager in me! I'm going through a ton of changes - mostly good, but life altering. I'm ending an 11 year marriage from one of my best friends. We can be friends, we just can't be married. So, hopefully in the next 6 months I'll be happily divorced, living in a nice, cozy, affordable home with my girls, sharing custody with their dad (leaving me some valued "me" time occasionally!). I'm hoping to start a new job - if not a new career. I'm going to try my damndest to make better decisions regarding food and exercise. I have not lost any substantial weight in quite a few months, but I blame myself. I'm vowing to lose another 50 lbs. through wise decisions and self love (no - not that kind of self love - you know what I mean!). I'm going to find a therapist that I like (I've gone through 2 already - one read me bible scriptures and the other almost fell asleep on me!). I'm going to commit to staying mentally healthy and keeping my 9-yr old daughter mentally and physically healthy as she goes through all the changes in her life. But the biggest goal of all is to learn to be my own best friend and not my own worst enemy. I am so hard on myself and I allow to walk all over me just to keep things harmonious. I have learned some tough life lessons as I go through this divorce. I've learned who my true friends are and I've learned who sit in judgement of me not knowing the whole story. I've been hurt by so-called best friends, I've been surprised by folks I thought were only acquaintances, but turned out to be my biggest cheerleaders and supporters. I've learned that you can have everything you thought you ever wanted and still not be happy. In the next 6 months, I'm looking inside myself for happiness. It starts with me and I'm finally realizing that I deserve it. Thanks, Dina for posting this. It's nice (and healthy!) to get this out! -Wendy

Very thought-provoking post Dina!! There's no doubt that this is the best board on OH. I've tried some of the others, but I've found the same dead air that you have. It seems like the boards that are somewhat active are stuck on one theme. The beauty of this board is that it is both active and chock-full of active and interesting people. I too am looking forward to see what the 2 year mark brings. I am, however on the lookout for weight creep. It seems like a lot of people start to back-slide after 2 years, so I'm a bit worried about that issue. I don't know if I'll ever get to my final goal weight, but if I can hold on to what I've achieved, I'll be happy. As for the next 6 months, I'm not looking for major changes..... I've had my share of them lately!!! I'd like to spend more time enjoying the fact that I can do so much more physically. I don't know how long I'll be waiting to get the TT, but I'll get there eventually. Mike

Hi Dina: This is a really nice thread. I don't post much here but do read from time to time, and I like to see how everyone is doing. Mostly I post on the over 50 forum. 18 months out and all the good changes for everyone are really gratifying to read about. I love the weight loss I've achieved. Not only did I lose more than I ever thought possible but I feel 25 years younger. My knees no longer hurt and once again I can dance for hours. Before surgery I was becoming an old lady and I certainly felt that it was waaaay to soon for that. Now I can do anything I did in my thirties - except have a baby! I love waking up in the morning a realizing that I am not only thin, but that I will never put the weight back on again. Before wls I would lose and gain 70+ pounds every few years. I was either feeling hungry and deprived or guilty for overeating. Thank goodness that's behind me. As far as what the future holds. I don't think there will be many changes in my life. But I do feel a restlessness and a yearning to do something different. I even volunteered to go to New Orleans to help, (I'm an R.N) but I'm on a waiting list. I'll have to think of something to do as the interest of my peers - bridge, golf, mah jongg, dinner parties etc. just don't get me excited. No career changes in my future. My husband and I own and run a summer resort with the help of our kids. So that is not changing. I'm not sure what I will do at the 2 year mark but I know I will be thin and happy about it. Pat/Louise