SIGNIFICANT OTHER MUSINGS

well I guess i'll add my 2 cents... I too am questioning my relationship with my boyfriend. things haven't been the way that they were in the beginning. Of course I'm old enough to know thats the way that it goes but the things missing are important to me. I'd like to say that I've not changed that I'm still the same person that I was before. And I am. Minus 120 pounds. That can be a big change to someone who was attracted to someone heavier...well I'm certainly not gonna gain that weight back! So, while both of us is tring to figure out were we are going with our relationship we both know that we love the other person but it has changed. What to do? Its awful hard to love someone but not be in love with them. Ut oh I think I just figured out my ex husband! Kinda has put past relationships in perspective. Or maybe given me knowledge of anothers reasons. Now how I handle this is how I think my ex should have handled it years ago. With kindness and truth. O this is gonna be hard. No one wants to hurt another even though we know that it is something that they might want. so i dont think i've said anything that helps anyone else with these comments but it has helped me. thank you for listening.

Here is another view. I have been divorced for 8 years. I was a size 18 when we got married after loosing weight and then slowly gained it back. Since my divorce, I have had a couple of short term relationships. And I never really thought about what would happen when I lost weight. Guess what, not much has happened. I had to think about why. That took some thoughts: 1) My life style has not changed much. I still go to work, go to church and take care of my mom. 2) I do not go anywhere to meet anyone. 3) I still live in a small town. So lately I have been thinking...if I want to change my dating situation, I have to make the changes myself. I am sure they are "out there" somewhere. What do I think? Are they supposed to come knocking on my door. What I am trying to say, and it has been said in some of the other post. Our weight has changed, some of our activities have changed, but we are still the same people with the same problems. We have to look at who we are, what we want. And if it is worth keeping....work on it. I have met "men" recently. Some are married. And I tell them, work on your marriage. Decide if it is what you want and worth keeping. If it is, do not talk to me, talk to your spouse and give your marriage all you can. Singles having weight loss have the same issues. I think we all have them. We were so busy thinking about the weight loss and the difference we thought it would bring, we did not think about how it would all affect everyone around us. Problems not related to the weight loss are still there. Right now, I know I need to concentrate and me and my family, especially my mom. At times it is a blessing not to be married and have to think about that other person and the attention and time they would need as well. But I do miss it...if nothing but someone to share things with and the hugs.

Hi everyone, I know it has been a long time since I have been on here, mostly due to the fact that I am going through alot of personal issues the past 6 months, some due to my weight loss others not! I havn't had anything to add. They said it would be a bumpy road and they were right! I was so wrapped up in my personal problems I have shut all my friends out, and have been making terrible food choices and grazing without even caring what I was putting in my mouth. or realizing I just ate 15 minutes earlier...I can't blame anyone but myself, But the important thing is I did return here because a friend of mine called me, and something clicked in my head..I didnt have wls for nothing...I want to get back on track again. I stayed away only to find I wasn't the only one going through personal problems/ concerns/ divorce. My relationship has been on the rocks , I have cancelled my wedding, and I put my b/f under a microscope, looking for every flaw I could find in him, when I realized that when I was almost 400 pounds he loved me for me...made me think more... and now that I am thinner he still loves me, but somehow I feel like because I was so down on myself, being so overweight that maybe I settled for a partner , and accepted so much crap from people because I had low self esteem and was afraid to be alone again. maybe I wouldn't have chosen to be with him if I met him when I was thinner...I am working on our relationship because I love him very much and who am I to judge him, just because other men have given me attention lately and find me attractive doesn't mean I will ever forget the man who loved me when I was at my highest weight, and who cared for me after 6 abdominal surgeries...I needed to think about what was motivating me...and it was him, I then realized I once was the "shinning star" and felt like someone hit the dimmer switch...like it's no big deal anymore, re: my weight loss, I can only say this I refuse to ever get where I once was at almost 400 pounds... This is some journey were all on, it's called life, and in between it all , I am raising 3 lil ' girls, I am at stay at home mom and sometimes I feel like it can be overwhelming...But I get up every morning at 5am and start all over again... Pitty party no way!!! Reality yes!!! I pray to the good lord everyday that I stay focused and remember my real reason for being healthy and having wls. somehow it always seems like however bad you think you have it, someone else has it worse! I want to say you all look so wonderful and healthy!!!! Stay well, and when in doubt, open up to a friend! I am so happy I did! It has saved me alot of money on therapy Hugz Mary

Hi Mary! It is good to see you--I have missed you! It sounds like you have been a few miles on this journey! Hang with us girl! Joy

Rennie, Being born, raised and married to the Army I have had a lot of changes in my life. I came to understand along the way when there was no one but me that life is what I make it. No one can find, make or give me happiness. It is a decision I have to choose on my own and one day I did. It was long before the weight loss that I decided that I was kind and good and pretty regardless of any mistakes I made, I can only learn from them and move on in a better direction. Take all that you've been given and live life for all it's worth. I heard these words on the way to see my infant son in the funeral home the day he died (10 Years ago), they made me realize that life is good and there is so much to get joy from in this world and I chose to get some for me, my husband and my older son. I chose to live a life worth living, I pray daily to keep me on that track and sometimes I stumble and occassionaly fall, I prove it was worth it everything I stand back up. Stand with me Rennie and live life for all it's worth starting this minute today. Take care and God bless, Dawn