I'm Just Numb

I'm sorry to hear about this. Your support will me more then anything as this could get very ugly. The only thing that I can offer up is that my thoughts are with you as you ride this rollercoaster, as I can't offer any additional advice then what has been given. I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Hang in there!

What a sad story. I feel very badly for all that has happened for all the people involved. god bless your all in my prayers.

Connie - I'm dumbfounded, for one. I cannot fathom having to be in this situation from any angle. Not from Kathy's, Tony's nor yours. I am amazed at how people can allow themselves to get to this point, yet then as I go through some of my own stuff and I talk to my counselor, I am reminded that some of my "stuff" that I have to deal with right now is stuff I would not have been sympathetic to in regards to other people in the past. Her words are always reverberating through me "now you know how other people in your shoes have felt..." Yup, I do. Not that I can understand Kathy's situation, but it reminds me that "there, but for the grace of God, go I..." I have nothing worthwhile to add, but I'm with Maureen....I do want to hear your post on the pursuit of happiness. Especially in light of this situation. I gotta say, woman, that you really do know how to bring up all this junk that we need to cope and deal with. I know sometimes it's hard to face things about ourselves that we don't want to deal with, but head on and eyes open, we must learn to deal with them. We need to determine where we want to be when all is said and done. We have to choose who we are and what we want out of our lives now that we've gone and changed so much physically. Because being who we were doesn't fit anymore. Good, bad or indifferent, the change is there. Take care of yourself and please post updates on this when you feel comfortable doing so. Having to deal with this I figure won't be easy and at times you might want to be private about it - especially since you'll have to go to court. But know that whatever venting you want to do, we'll be here to support you! Dina

You guys have much sage advice and have been a wonderful rock. I really value your input and support on this. It's been a tough couple of days for everyone. Kathie is still in the psych ward at the county jail, her mother, sister and father are devastated, Tony's sons are incredibly angry (who can blame them?) and I'm still pretty pissed myself. Tony's sons are asking that I and another friend not go to the funeral because they see us more as Kathie's friends. I can understand that and will respect their wishes, but I'm not happy about it. I find it more and more difficult to be around Kathie's family because there is much blaming the victim and I'm finding it harder and harder to keep my mouth shut. I understand the family's need to do this, but I can't agree with it in this case and don't know how much longer I can smile and nod without saying something that will upset people further. My solution for this is to make food and send it with someone else or drop it off and run. Isn't it funny how I still find food to be a solution, even if I'm not eating it myself? Hugs, Connie

Connie, You have a need to DO SOMETHING, which is expressing itself in the practical service of food preparation. You want to support those who are grieving, but in reality, you are also grieving yourself. You are grieving for the loss of 2 friends--Kathie and Tony. Anger is a real part of any grief process, and this situation creates more anger than most, because you have lost both of them. If you are close to the mutual friend that finds herself in a similar position, spend time with her, supporting one another. Be honest with both Tony's and Kathie's family members about your positive feelings and pain about both of them. If pressed to testify, be honest about your anger as well, and promise only to tell the truth, wherever that may lead. Give them as much advance notice of where that may go as possible to avoid surprises, and they may decide not to use you. I am so sorry for your pain and for the pain of all involved. Don't expect anyone to behave well--no one is prepared for this type of situation. You can't fix it--don't even try. You are in my prayers, as are all concerned. Hugs, Joy

Joy, You are such a wise and rational person. I really treasure your advice and support. I made a decision to just lay everything out on the table to the police and attorneys and let the chips fall where they may. Without going into too much detail, Kathie's family would like for me to paint Tony as much more sinister than he was (in my opinion), but I can't live with myself if I do anything other than be totally honest and up front. I am very close with the mutual friend. In fact, she and her husband were just here for dinner. Of course we've talked about this ad nauseum and have been great support for each other. I worry about our friendship, though because I think the prosecution will find me a better witness and the defense will favor her. My inclination to lay it all on the table is at odds with her inclination to keep things safely tucked away. We're both reasonable adults and I think we'll get through this. My focus for the next couple of days will be to get the right vitamins and food for Kathie in jail. Our local sherriff is less than a humanitarian and prisoners get two bologna sandwiches and a box of raisins each day. This isn't exactly the ideal wls diet. Of course there are no vitamins. I'm working with Kathie's attorney to get her more protein and fiber, but it's going to take some time. We thought she would be O****il she got out on bond, but that might not happen as bond is half a million. Even coming up with 10% is more than Kathie's retired parents can do. So here's another way we aren't normal - we can't survive on prison food. Hugs, Connie