I'm Just Numb
Last night I started to write a post about happiness, where we've all been and where we've arrived. As I was writing, I kept thinking about my friend Kathie who has really been having a rough time with her marriage since wls and is very unhappy. Her husband had become very emotionally abusive since Kathie lost 140 pounds. Tony had become insecure since she had gone back to college and kept trying to talk her into quitting school. It was just a bad situation and I kept trying to talk Kathie into getting counseling. She finally went for the first time on Tuesday and was really upset with Tony because he had agreed to go to counseling and didn't go when the time came. I've thought about Kathie a lot this past week and kept thinking about how wls doesn't make a bad situation better. It's not the answer to all of life's woes. I finally gave up on the post that I was writing because I found myself rambling more than normal and couldn't focus.
This morning at 5:00 am I got a call that Kathie had shot and killed Tony last night. I spent the day with Kathie's mother and sister and we still don't know what happened. I don't know the cir****tances yet and I just don't know what to feel. Tony was also my friend in spite of his insecurities and jealousies. He talked to me many times about how much Kathie had changed since surgery and how he felt like a huge slob compared to her. Tony was a big guy who felt very left behind as Kathie lost weight and furthered her education and he gained weight and stayed in a dead end job. Kathie talked to me for hours on end about how much she wanted her marriage to work, but felt like Tony wasn't making any effort to move forward. I don't know how to mourn Tony and I don't know how to support Kathie. I don't know if I want to support Kathie. I feel like I can't know what to feel until I know what happened so I'm suspending my feelings.
Anyway, my point in writing this is to encourage all of us to get help if we need it. Don't wait until you are overwhelmed. There are so many posts lately about depression and after this morning's call, frankly it frightens me.
Connie
connie...you are in my heart and prayers- i applaud your honesty in saying out loud that you are not sure IF you want to support Kathie.you will not be judged if you do or don't...only you can decide on that matter. but being able to express the concern or confusion is very important.
i have no words of wisdom here as today, we prepare to bury my younger sister this afternoon.
i simply needed to send you a hug and thank you for sharing this post.
margo
Connie,
Very sorry to hear of your struggle & thanks for the post it does get
overwhelming at times, & yes we do need to seek help if needed. Unfortunately, most people don't think they need the help till its too
late. Hugs are going out your way to help you with dealing with the
touchy situation. I don't have the anwers either, but, no you are in our
prayer & hope all works out for you. Margo, I am very sorry to hear about
your sisiter as well. Big hug to you too!! Keep us posted. Here's to a
better day!
Lot of Love
Marilyn, the Bearlady 
Connie, I am so sorry. We all have to remember that WLS operates on our stomachs, not our heads, nor on our relationships. Your advice to seek help is right on track.
There are plenty of villains here--but each is also a victim. We may never be able to sort out our feelings. Realize that anger and love are often two sides of the same coin. This was true between Tony and Kathie, and now is true between you and Kathie. What you wish you could feel is apathy, but for now you will have to settle for the numbness, which will not last.
Take your own advice, dear friend, and make use of counselling for yourself. You can always vent here--we love you!
Joy
Most Active
Recent Topics
