Thoughts on depression

A lot of us, myself included, struggle with depression. The link between obesity and depression is clear, but complicated. For years I thought I was depressed because I was obese, and knew that there was a negative cycle of eating because I was depressed. It is interesting now that the obesity is a thing of the past for us, that the depression has not evaporated as easily. In fact, it is a serious threat to maintaining the healthy habits we have begun. Do you think that the depression is brought on by unrealistic expectations? i.e. we somehow emotionally expected weight loss to solve all of our problems? I'm just curious about your thoughts on this... Joy ...better living through chemistry (Prozac is my drug of choice)

Good Morning Joy, I too am someone who periodically will have alittle bout with depression. It seem sto go along with issues that I'm having with my life. For the most part I'm a positive up beat type of person. One of those annoying people who wake up happy and singing and skip along through life. My ex husband hated it! He was someone that was always down. Always had a problem. Wasn't ever happy. Geesh to live with someone so different was very hard for both of us! So when we were going through our divorce I was depressed and went on medication. It helped. once I made it past the rough stuff I went off of it. I went for many years without meds. Since that happend 10 years ago I've taken them one other time. They helped. Anyone who says they dont' really aggravates me cause they either are lucky and dont' need them or just haven't found the right ones! My favorite actor recently had made some terrible remarks that really really made me rethink how i thought about him! Anyways I can't say that my weight has me down right now. I think its the other issues that are giving me aggravations - menopause, bills, no money, men, bills, kids, life, no money, bills - you know the usual. Maybe some of us at different points in our lives are sensitive to things that don't bother others? I'm a fighter I do know that, so I'm fighting the no money bills thing with a 2nd job. ARGGGGGGG I'm too busy as it is! But this will help me get over my finacial slump. I went to a advisor who gave me some great recommendations on how to improve my situation and I'm following each step. Including the ones I dont like! I know it will put me in a healthier place finanically and emotionally. I felt so much better just by talking with her and putting those steps into place. I am taking my time about the hardest one...canceling my AOL. OH NO!!!!! BUt I have access to cable email and there really is no need to have both things coming into the house. Why am I having a hard time canceling my AOL? gee****s so hard to be a grown up!

It seems like everyone around me is depressed. Too much for me to have time for my own. Of course my drug of choice is Lexapro. It also helps stablize my blood pressure which has been a problem even since surgery. (Lately even though my life has been on a roller coaster it has been better.) AOL verses cable...I will take cable any time. Other friends of mine had AOL and had a difficult time staying online with it. To get back to the depression, I was also lucky that my company has an employee assisance program and I also used that program to help put me back on track. I would encourage anyone who has that program avaliable to them to use it. They guy I am "seeing" some also has a bad case of depression right now. I am ecouraging him to "get out of the house" more. Sometimes you have to pick yourself up by your own bootstraps and tell yourself, it is time to move on. I know it is not easy and cannot always be done..but even doing a little helps. Between job, family and sickness..we all have pitfalls and they are not easy to handle.

Joy, As you have read, I deal with depression as well. I tink we all do to some point. I made some changes in my life lately that have helped a great deal. Yup, I dumped the boyfriend that was a big thing. After 7 years of putting up with a drunk, I decided that was bringing me down more than anything else. I lost the weight & he didn't even seem to care,****il now after I am gone.) Then I just changed jobs, I start the new one tomorrow. Yeah. I am sure I will have a lot less stress in this job & more respect at the new one. I am also on lexapro twice a day instead of once a day. That has also helped the attidude a great deal. I think in the beginning we all thought that weight loss would make our lives better, it has but, we, still have to deal with the crap in them one day at a time. At least we are healthier & can deal with them a little more clearly than we could before. Oh Well, Have a great Day & Hope you have a better day today!! Lots of Love Marilyn, the Bearlady

Hi Joy - There is a strong familial history for me of bi-polarity and both my father and brother take serious medications to control their problems. Recently I began therapy on my own and she had some insights for me that were very eye opening comments. First, I'm the "happy" one in the family. In fact, one of the issues that I've had to deal with in the past is my inability to express sadness and grief even when I KNOW I should. I don't cry when life gets stressful, I don't yell and throw things - I withdraw, analyze, justify and quickly reconcile the issues and move on. However, after talking with my counselor I realized that this was my coping mechanism that I learned very early in my life. My brothers had so many issues of their own that more than likely I made the choice to not add to anyone's problems and erased my own. However those feelings have to come out somehow and my counselor believes I masked my negative feelings with food. With the surgery this masking is much harder to accomplish and thus after my honeymoon period was over, the negative emotions overwhelmed me. I couldn't cope the way I had before and so I had more of the normal symptoms of a depressed person. Am I depressed because of my obesity? No - I don't believe so. I do think I was obese because of burying my negative feelings. Thus if my obesity is "cured" my depression will likely come out in other ways. I have to be honest that I think one of my issues of my own self-destructive behavior lately is driven by fear. I have ALWAYS been fat. I have always been the fattest. I have rarely been viewed as a feminine being in the workplace and I actually attribute my professional success on my obesity...I know that sounds strange. However, I work in a high tech consulting field where "beautiful thin women" are often thought of as eye candy and the immediate judgement is that they are there for show and not necessarily due to their knowledge. I know when I walk into a room at 350 pounds that assumption isn't being made. That they know I was hired for my mind and knowledge (as well as my incredible wit). I fear that changing but I do have to deal with that. I have decided for now that I am not going to pursue a medecinal solution for my depression. Rather I need to explore the other possibilities such as low B12, poor diet, lack of exercise. If I need to seek medicine again I will, but I found the side effects to be almost impossible to deal with. Long answer huh! Lissa

Joy, I'm glad you posted this. I was going to post a question about whether everyone is happier or sadder since they've lost weight because this is a topic I've been thinking about a lot lately. Mike posted something similar a while ago and a lot of folks have posted about depression lately. I can't say that I'm any happier or depressed since surgery. I'm the same. I've been wondering if happiness might be a learned behavior. I know that there are chemical imbalances and meds really do help. I know that there is a genetic component, but I also wonder if the art of being happy is something you can learn. I share the same genes as my sisters, but I really think that I learned the fine art of being happy from my grandmother who raised me when I was young while my sisters had my mother's depression modeled for them. I may be full of it, but I really do wonder how much of depression do we learn in addition to there being a chemical or genetic predisposition. Connie

You bring up some very good questions here, Connie. Am I happier or sadder since the weight loss. In my case the answer to your question is yes!! We have all discussed the things that we like about our "new selves", so I won't go into them again here. But what about what we don't like. I don't like the fact that I can't eat what I want when I want it anymore. I don't like having to take all of these damn nutritional supplements to survive. And the biggest one of all...... The fear of failure is 100 times worse than it ever was. In the bad old days, if I went off a diet and re-gained the weight, it was just one more in a long list of weight-loss failures. I always had "SURGERY" as my last resort safety net. Now, with that new removed, I fear that if I blow this one, all hope is lost because there is nothing left to do but stay "That Fat Guy" until my overworked heart finally gives out. Don't get me wrong now, the good still far outweighs the bad, but there are some negatives in play here. As for whether happiness can be learned, I believe that the answer is yes. There's no doubt that depression has its roots in chemistry and genetics, but attitude and outlook are certainly in the mix too. I know for sure that exercise has a strong effect on my mood. Also I find that sometimes I can "talk" myself out of feeling bad by trying to concentrate on the positives in a situation instead of dwelling on the negetives which is my natural tendency. If only I could do this all of the time, I'd be a much happier camper!! When I'm feeling down now, I'm trying to preface my thoughts with the phrase "Well, it could be worse......." . I've got a lot of years of "half- empty glasses" to work through, but I'm trying!! Mike

You guys continue to astound me with your insight and total willingness to share the deepest, darkest aspects of yourselves. Let's see if I can contribute to the mix in any way that can be of any help. I remember sitting in my therapist's office 4 or 5 years ago, my husband next to me, both of us trying to make sense of a very painful, hurtful existence together despite a strong bond and a continued expression of love for one another. The therapist immediately suggested I get on an anti-depressant to help me "cope" with everything. She believed that if I altered the obvious chemical imbalance in my head, I would begin to be able to deal with my morbid obesity, and all the other complex issues Jim and I were facing. She asked me if I was depressed. I said of course I was, who wouldn't be given it took me 10 minutes to get out of my bed in the morning - literally, just hanging my feet over the side until circulation returned, and then gingerly stepping onto the floor in utter anguish and pain. Walking was torture. Hell, trying to keep myself clean was torture. The real torture for me, however, was having to put on the face in order to be able to go forth and function in the world. The pretense, the lie -- I'm happy, I'm ok, I'm productive and functional and life is just one long party. Bull**** Life was hell. And I told that therapist that I didn't believe I was depressed in a clinical sense, nothing that could be cured by pills. I told her I need desperately to lose weight so that I could begin to truly and honestly function at the level that was screaming from my core -- with great passion and truth and joy and humor, embracing life as if each moment was my last. I couldn't do that. I could barely move. The surgery and my subsequent hard work has given my life back to me and I try every day to renew my commitment to living a passionate, truthful, joyful life. I am not depressed but I am no Polyanna either. I am sad about many, many things. Like Connie, I am fearful about the health ramifications this surgery presents to us for the rest of our lives. I look in the mirror and I see a 145 lb. woman who will never be pretty because my frame is encased in so much loose skin, no amount of plastic surgery will remedy the problem -- and I do not have the funds, nor the inclination, to pursue that level of PS. My TT took away my belly flap and left scars any boy of 5 would relish using as an extensive train track for his little locomotions. The TT doesn't take it all away, either. My breasts will be lifted from their current third world tribal woman appearance, but nothing can be done about the loose skin encasing my entire upper back - so that when I wear a bra or a halter, that loose skin spills over like the guts of a substantial peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Am I depressed about this? No, but I'm none too happy about it either. This surgery and my weight loss has not made me beautiful, nor am I necessarily happier. I am, without a doubt, healthier. And for that, I give humble thanks every day. Mike, you said it best -- no big surprise there for me -- ATTITUDE. It's everything. For what it's worth, your Reenie

Gosh... My family is a wash with depression and denial. What a combo! Am I happier now? some days yes, some days no. remember to take the freakin vitamins MAKES ME ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!! (not that it is a LONG drive but still LOL) I am thrilled with my new clothing, thrilled with riding my bike, thrilled that my kids can hug me and touch. I am not thrilled with still having to deal with my emotions. I really wished and wished that I could relate everything back to my weight but alas...I couldn't. Now I am truly dealing with my demons and THAT is scary! It is/was easier to just eat and stuff issues than it is to look and deal with them ya know? I did better living thru pharmacology for awhile and it helped. I am thinking A BIG PART of my issues is "period" related. I am going to talk to the doctor about maybe taking something during that week before and during. we'll see! nic 291/165/150

I think the obesity was a symptom of our depression. We formed an unhealthy relationship with an object or action (food) in order to effect a mood change (positive or negative) and get relief from something else that was bothering us - typically something emotionally based. I don't expect the depression to go away with the weight. I'm in counseling now so that I can improve my esteem and change my relationships so that not only will I not gain the weight back but also to prevent the cycle of self-abuse from continuing via another object or action - like sex, shopping, anger, gambling...... The counseling is working for me. Jen