I refuse to fail...

Hi all -- its been a while but I have been reading the posts. I am so proud of you all who have reached goals and are on to the PS that I hope to achieve at some point. My family and I just returned from a week long vacation in California and I wish that I hadn't stepped on the scale this morning. In the past 4 months I have gained 9 pounds. I WILL lose this. I have struggled in the last several months (since about last October) with some major issues. Originally I had the surgery when I weighed 392...I'm at 285 as of this morning. I feel so much better but I have so far to go and I know my fight at this point is truly a fight. My pouch is purely a tool and I'm far past the honeymoon stage. This past winter I hit bottom with a depression that incapacitated me in ways I didnt even recognize until February/March. I slept a lot, lost all interest in improving my life, stopped exercising, etc. I sought counseling and after discussing my issues with my physician we decided that I should try Paxil. What a mistake on my part. I found the Paxil to be even more debilitating. I started feeling groggy and sleepy all the time, unable to concentrate, unable to control a nervous bounce to my legs, jittery and sleepy are weird combinations. I have taken myself off the Paxil and will be discussing this with my physician. I feel back to normal now and am ready to go back to exercising. I started tracking my food via fitday again today. I am setting realistic goals and one of them is to restrict myself to 1000 calories a day, hoping to achieve a 30 pound loss by October 1. I refuse to remain obese and I suppose I'm posting simply as a public statement of that commitment to the world. I have the most supportive family I could ever ask for and a great medical support community. I will struggle with depression this winter and I suspect I might have SAD (I had actually suspected that in the past and think I always self-medicated with food). I also suspect that I might be B12 deficient as I have not been adequately taking my vitamins and I know that could easily contribute to the depression. I hope there are others out there who might give me some advice, but I know I have some skills I HAVE to learn. I've been obese all my life - there are obviously life skills regarding my health that I have never acquired. I wish everyone here the best and congrats to those of you on the goal achieved side of things. Someday I will join you! Lissa

Lissa, First of all change from Paxil to Lexapro. Paxil will also make you gain weight. I have been taking Lexapro & was just recently cahnged to taking it twice a day since we don't obsorb stuff as well as other folks do. Second, You need to get away from carbs & stick to mostly protein & you will start losing weight again.. Yes it is harder now, but, you can do this. I have been dealing with fighting the last 50 lbs I need to lose as well. It is my own fault & I know what I have to do as well to get the weight moving again. I haven't gained all that much, but I also stopped losing. I Am changing jobs this week & I think that will go along ways in helping with the stress. As long as you make this commitment to keep fighting just take a day at a time don't try to do too much. Just get thorugh one good day then another & they start falling into place a lot easier. Keep drinking tha****er. It does help. B-12 is very important & yes will also help with the depression. Get on Sublingual b-12 and soon. Take along iwth a B-complex & you will start feeling much better. Hang in There. We are here to help you with your fight!! Marilyn, the Bearlady

Thanks Marilyn...I've picked up the sublingual B and have started on those. In addition, I am going to get "religious" again about my water intact. It helps that its one heck of a hot summer this year so all I want to drink is water and iced tea. I think I'm going to lay off any depression meds for a while and see if the B vitamins do the trick. Between that and increasing my exercise I suspect I might be able to conquer the depression med free. I appreciate the response! Lissa

Hi Lissa; You are on the right track just by the title of your post. "REFUSE TO FAIL"!! To borrow a line from Home Depot ads: You can do it......We can help!!!! The depression issues are very tough to overcome. I have been fighting with them myself for years. I'm not going to advise you on depression medication, because I don't have the knowledge to do so. I will say that getting regular exercise and keeping up on the vitamins will make a big difference. I always feel better after exercise even when I'm feeling low. You don't need to do a formal workout if you don't want.... just go for a walk. Try to do little things to keep yourself moving like parking at the far end of the lot and walking to the store. Take a few extra trips up and down stairs instead of saving up for one trip. If you are watching TV, get up at the commercials and look out the window. I'm convinced that these small lifestyle changes mean more than any formal exercise. My wife has never had a serious weight problem although she has a very healthy appetite and doesn't do any formal workouts. On the other hand she never sits still!! Even when she watches TV, she is usually knitting and tapping her feet or moving in some way and she always jumps up to do something. I have been trying to be more like her instead of sitting like a statue the way I always did in the past. Anyway, enough preaching.....just hang in there and stay in touch. There's some great, caring people here to offer support. Keep the faith.....You'll get where you are going!! Mike

Hi Mike - Thank you very much for the support and I believe that attitude is a huge determining factor. I've realized that lately I've been thinking of myself as "the only WLS failure" and I've had to change that thinking! I'm on the upswing and realized I haven't failed at anything and I would only be considered a failure if I continue down this path of destructive behaviour. I appreciate your input and even the preaching! Hugs - Lissa

Lissa, it is wonderful to hear from you again. I have often thought of you and wondered where you are at in your journey. I am inspired by the strength in your post; I am inspired by the way in which you describe taking control of your health and your life. You CAN do this, anything can be achieved with grit and determination. And you obviously have both in spades. You are right, Lissa, to acknowledge that the difficulty that is inherent in what you -- and the rest of us -- face. The battle begins now. I am absolutely convinced that the people who are most successful at losing all their weight, achieving goal, and then maintaining that weight loss are those who stopped referring their success to "THE SURGERY" early on in the journey, and accepted and celebrated the fact that their success is solely predicated on THEIR OWN, PERSONAL HARD, HARD, HARD WORK -- every day -- eating healthily, exercising hard and religiously, making a firm, unshakable commitment to LIFESTYLE CHANGE. I did this about 3 months after surgery. I acknowledged the surgery for what it was -- a tool -- a gift of a short window of time to get my act together and totally change the way I live my life by eating well and MOST IMPORTANTLY, embracing hard, rigorous physical activity every single day. I started out at 352 when I met my surgeon; this morning I weigh 145. I share these numbers with you only as a means to prove to you that this is absolutely doable -- you can do this -- but the truth of the matter is that commitment has to be there. Every single day. There will be times when you can and should treat yourself with something fun and good tasting and perhaps 'off limits' to eat; that's ok -- I find myself having a taste of something rather than sitting down and eating the whole thing. This is a small piece of the lifestyle change I'm talking about. And the remarkable thing is, I'm totally satisfied! Yes, I have hard days. I am still an emotional eater. I find my cravings increase alarmingly when I am stressed or feeling any sort of negative emotion. That's life! That will never change. But I have changed how I respond to life and living. Good luck to you, Lissa, I'm so glad you shared with us. You are a beautiful woman, person, inside and out and we are in your corner all the way. Make a commitment to yourself each morning, one day at a time, and celebrate every night when you go to bed the fact that you honored your commitment -- that day -- to yourself. Those days will add up and before you know it you will have achieved remarkable success. All the best, Reenie

Lissa, I'm so glad to see you again. I wondered what had happened to you. I hope you stick around and share your journey with us. Hugs, Connie