What is it with cops?

Many of you know that I got involved in Law Enforcement after WLS. But prior to being obese, I was in great shape and had little problem getting dates. I'm married to a wonderful woman but I have a question for the women on this board. What is it about cops that cause some women to hit on them? Now I'm a realistic guy. I have never considered myself handsome, but thought I was kinda cute with a great sense of humor and personality. My point being that I haven't been out on the streets that much and I getting hit on a lot. Mind you some of these are not the best looking women, but still I'm getting overt gestures from a large number of women. I can't ask my wife because I don't want her to be thinking I on the take all of the time and most of my fellow deputies have such big egos that they love getting hit on. For instance, I was on river patrol the 3rd of July. My area has a central docking area, so as a department we travel the area watching for unsafe driving of boats and jet skis, drinking, etc in a boat. As I was waiting at the dock with the boat, while the other deputy took care of business a bikini clad women approached me and began to talk with me. She told me she felt so bad that on a hot day that I had to wear a uniform. I told her that I did have on my speedo, but my gun kept causing it to fall down. She then told me that it was her bad luck to not be around when that happened, pulled out some cash from her bikini bottom in such a way that I saw way more then I should have seen. She then held out a dollar bill and asked if my pants would come down if she tucked a bill in my belt. About that time the other deputy returned and it was my turn to take care of business, so I wasn't forced to reply. Obviously, this is an extreme cir****tance but I just looking for an honest opinion on why a turd brown poly uniform is such a magnate for chicks. I know I, as most officers/deputies do, protray a command persona. And I do know that my confidence is way up because I feel good about how I look, but it has to be more then that. To further develop the confidence issue and will share how it got me in trouble. My wife had to leave for a week for business. I had my kids, but had a family member come into town and who wanted my kids to spend the night. So, I was home all alone. I was out of "good" food, so I ran to the store to have food for the next day. On my way home I thought I would stop at a friend's night spot to check on him and have a drink. Well, a very nice woman from my health club asked me to dance. It was all very innocent and she is a very nice lady. We chatted a bit after and then she said she had to get going. Then, I was requested to dance by another women. This lady danced in more of the modern style, if you know what I mean. To make the long and the short of it, I had about two more drinks while I was there and really was feeling drunk. I concede that I was being a bit of a flit, and soon this woman asked me to go home with her. I'll agree that I was pumped to have been asked, but scared #$%less because I had pushed it too far. I was then pissed at myself for putting myself in that position and gently tried to let this woman know that I had no intentions of sleeping with anybody but my dog that night. I didn't offend her, but I just know now that I need not place myself in that position again. She told me that she would be back the next night and that I should come by again. I told her it was nice to meet her, but I woudn't be back. Now that I have gotten that off my chest, I'll be looking for your responses.

Well, fancy seeing you here! Having been in law enforcement for the last 18 years, I have pondered that question myself quite a bit. I will start off by saying that I have been attracted by a few of the officers I have dispatched for, but have never had a relationship. I also don't consider myself a cop-groupie type who swoons at any uniform. Having said that, these are my thoughts.... 1) There are cop groupies. These are girls who are turned on by the power, authority and the gun. They put status and protection at the forefront. They tend to see cops as pseudo-celebrities. They like the uniform so much that they can run hot and cold depending on whether you are on duty. Some feed over into long term relationships, but those are the exception I think. 2) Cops have unique personalities in general. Yes, there are variances amongst them all, but you have to have a presence of confidence and ego. This is attractive to women. If you think you are the king of the hill, others perceive you as such. So when in uniform, you are there to take control of a situation which translates into being sure of yourself. Funny thing is, some cops are only sure of themselves in the line of duty! 3) Cops can be flirts. I think this goes along with the personality thing. It takes a certain type of person, again, to be attracted to the job. Generally many cops are adrenaline junkies, and they thrive on attention. So the more attention they are paid, the more they perform for their audience. I have this problem myself. I have that same type of performance mentality. You, in your contact with these women, are encouraging them because, frankly - admit it - you are enjoying it! You may not want to go anywhere with it, but you are curious to see how far THEY will go. It's a little thrill.....a cheap thrill sometimes! (Especially for a buck!) I know some cops who are anything but chick magnets - even though some are quite good looking. The difference with these guys is that they have learned how not to play into the attention. Maybe they've been doing it a really long time, maybe they recognize it's a slippery slope, or maybe they just are one of the few who don't have that kind of attention seeking personality. But there are a few who are that way. I know we have touched on this in the past from my own post. I was just thinking of my own situation again - and still I find the attention almost intoxicating. I know some of it is that I have felt dead for so many years as a woman. Regardless of whether anyone can see me or not, I've come alive since I lost weight - no longer ashamed of myself and realizing that I can flirt and not feel like I'm a desperate fat woman in the process. I think in my mind I always felt like I had to put the flirting on the back burner because heaven forbid I actually meet some of these guys (we dispatch a large geographical area) and they see me. Now I don't really care if I'm seen so much, so it takes that hurdle out of the way. Like you, I have no intention of any dalliances, but even so you still feel like you've been denied for years the thrill of a little flirting here and there. For me, I feel like I'm having a real struggle right now because the attention is such a huge draw for me, and it is extremely difficult to not play into it. I think it is important to fight it tooth and nail though. I just read some things online about the divorce rate of those involved in law enforcement....it's high. Really high. I can be tempted, but the thought always comes to mind of the most extreme consequences. Say you ended up with that other person. Eventually you're going to argue over bills or complain about the garbage not being taken out, etc. Daily life sucks the thrill out of the infatuation....so you end up in a similar situation over and over again. I know you have no interest in venturing out, nor do I. But the thing is that we are walking on shakey ground. People don't intend to do the wrong thing....they just kind of fall into it. Not what you want to hear, huh? Me either! Dina

I want to complement you both on what you had written. I applaud that neither of you took that other people up on their offers. You are good people. I am not in law inforcement but I am in the fire dept. I'm in the traffic control part. I joined up because I'd always wanted to be in the fire dept but knew I'd never go into a burning building - too scared, I knew I coudlnt be an EMT cause I get too upset if someone is hurt. I'd just stand there and cry! But I knew I could stand and direct traffic! So it fed my need to do community service and I get a neat blue light that flashes for the top of my car!!! ooooo Ok I'll admit it it was the flashing blue light that was the big turn on! hahaha No I've not been hit on while directing traffic...darn. I have been and always will be a big flirt. Now I'm taken more seriously about it than before. Before I was just the funny fat flirt girl (try saying that sentence 3 times real fast!) who everyone would flirt right back with casue I was safe! Who could take the funny fat flirt girl seriously? I've had to tone down my flirting abit cause I'm just all talk no action (I got a sweet boyfriend I adore) the guys just don't realize that. Who knew I had power??? Innit great?? feeds the internal flirting soul.

wow-i had wanted to respond last nite but got knocked offline due to a storm... now- i am amazed at the wonderful honesty of you and dina --i am a flirt as well- tho not in any uniform! um--don't have the energies to go there right now-wish that my thoughts could be harnassed right now- would be good journalling material..... but ken--my thoughts kept going to the bikini clad gal and her dollar-was she crossing the line toward solicitation???sorry- too many cop shows!!!!

I think Dina was right on when she said women are attracted to guys who are confident. Confidency is sexy, regardless of looks the looks are icing on the cake! I think part of it really was what Pam had said as well, before we were never taken seriously so NOW... UH OH! Especially with people who didn't know us before. I am a total flirt! I love to tease and play. That said I got burned. I met someone who paid some attention and flirted back and things went to far, it wasn't planned out but it was fallen into. Neither of us were teh type of people who would normally... but the sparks that we played with accidentally lit a fire that should never have had the opprotunity to be lit! I still flirt I am just more aware of how serious it is, so I make it VERY plain to who ever that I am married and not interested in anything else from anyone else except flirting ya know? interesting to hear it from a guy! hang in there! uniforms work for cops too ya know! LOL nic 291/165/150

I was married to a cop years ago, you noticed I said " WAS " married . My advice to you is never, never let a woman entice you into something that would cause you to lose your family. The top thing on my mind , if my husband were to run around on me , would be AIDS. So just look at her and think , would I give up my family or my life to have a little fun. Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching, but I have read alot of stuff on here that you have wrote and I feel like I know you, so consider this a little "Motherly Advice" . Judy

Cops take care of us. They keep us safe from the bad guys. And they wear uniforms. But there's also the "sterotype" ****y bad boy image some of them have....what bigger turn on than that? Not to mention the fact that, well, look at you...you're a very attractive man. Co***** women are going to come on to you. I think it's all part of learning to deal with our new looks...people who would never have found us attractive before wls now look at us differently because we are different. You're learning something new about yourself and, more importantly, you're dealing with it in a positive way. You put yourself in a situation by going to that bar, but you learned it isn't a good place for you and you did the right thing. Good going! Joanie

Well, thanks for the input, and you all make good points. While I have confidence in who I am, sometimes I look in the mirror and I still see the fat boy. But I do have to say that the other day I was at Home Depot checking out a vanity and I looked in the mirror and I couldn't believe it was me. I do have to get comfortable with the new me and as goofy as it sounds the responsibilities that come with that. Here was another test. I'm out of town on business. I heard they were having a opening party for a big race they are having here tomarrow, it wasn't far from my hotel, so I headed down. I had a drink and not long after that a band started. I was asked to dance early and often and I noted how the night could turn out. I didn't finish my drink, waited for the band to take a break and hightailed it out of there. I often think that I didn't go through all of this to lose a wonderful wife who stuck with me when I was 500 pounds. Again, thanks for you advice and the ability to vent. As I said, this is not a subject I can dicuss with my wife so I appreciate the venue.