strange strange me....

It's been a while since I posted anything not related to what someone else has written (if that makes any sense). You all are going to think I'm strange but... ...lately I've been reading about everyone going through their "second phase" of the process, plastic surgery. I'm excited for everyone who is going through this transformation, and you all amaze me. This is a process I won't be sharing with you. Quite simply, I don't have enough skin or fat left over to nip or tuck. I think I can use a tummy tuck, and I'd love my boobs lifted. My legs and arms are fine. I have no butt to speak of. I started out at 247 lbs on my date of surgery, and now I flux between 143 and 147. I'm 5'6" and my body simply won't shed any more weight. I really wanted to lose more...I was hoping I'd end up at about 130 to 135. I wear a 6 or 8, and most people consider me 'thin.' I should be happy, right? I can't explain how I lost this weight and have no skin to spare. How does that happen? Others who have had the surgery remark at how my skin "bounced back." I really do want the tummy tuck. It's only a little pouch type belly---I can't even complain that I'm getting rashy because there isn't anything that hangs that bad, so no insurance company in the world will approve me. I guess, having gone through the surgery, I want to have the 'perfect' body. I have no room to complain, I know...but I feel like something is missing...that I haven't completed the goal I set for myself. It's so hard to explain without appearing extremely self centered. The goal? Get to 130/135, have plastic surgery and have a rock star body (in addition to the energy and being healthy). I didn't do it. I didn't succeed. I'm feeling so down.... Joan

Joanie, rock stars don't even have rock star bodies -- it's all a myth, a lie! That's what's perpetuated our insatiable need to LOOK better BE better APPEAR better than...than what??? Who we are? WHY??? The tummy tuck is a myth and yes, I am shouting this from the rooftop having just gone through it! I look like Frakenstein! Do you have any idea the number of staples I have in my body right now? Hundreds! Of course, I am thrilled that I can see my toes, that I'll never have to use baby powder under my apron again, but it's a far cry from a rock star body! Listen, if you want a tummy tuck, make an appointment with a PS and see what it will cost you - probably not nearly as much as someone like me who had a belly fold that hung down to my knees -- literally, my knees! Your goal is HEALTH, my friend, HEALTH. Embrace your newfound health and all the wonderful, joyful things you are able to do for yourself and the people you love! Perfection is a lie, a myth, it doesn't exist. Not even for rock stars. Love, Reenie

Thanks for your comments, Reenie, and of course, you are 100% correct. I just need to get through this in my head, and of course, my mother doesn't help things. But the tummy tuck isn't a myth, and you have the pain and staples to prove it. You've done everything in your power to improve yourself...and me not reaching that number that I wanted to reach...I just feel like I am falling short. This too shall pass (I hope). Thanks again.... Joanie

I too do not have enoujgh hangin skin to qualify for a TT. Somedays I'd like to have one somedays I'm happy right were I am. its not that bad a saggy tummy that I have. My underarms are hangy but even there I'm not too upset by them. If I had the money I'd probalby get it all done the tummy, arms, Inner thighs those are nasty and maybe even get anice boob job! Hey what the heck get the butt lifted too! But I dont' have the money. I do understand how you said that you would like to get the goal met that you had put for yourself. I can relate to that. These last few pounds aren't listening to me at all. I've gotten some great replys when I've posted about how to deal with this issue. I need to excersize more. I think I'm doing enough but it really isnt' ever enough. Maybe its not that I need nmore excersize but now its time to step it up a notch. Working out harder? Thats probalbyu it. I have a friend where I work who just had a TT. She went to her doctor and explained what she wanted and what she could afford. Her doctor looked into it with her and they found a very good doctor that would work with her to get affordable costmetic surgery. I have all that in the back of my head for when or if I get to the point where I'd like to have a highter butt and boobs that are perky! never did have perky boobs! good luck and god bless, pam

I get it! I totally get it! First, I was just telling my DH that it seems like more people who started out under 250 tend to have less hanging skin while those over seem to have it more. But I'm kind of there also. I was 325 when I started (338 was my highest) and I have hanging skin, but not at much as some. I might get insurance to pay, but it will be a fight I think. But I get what you are saying. I do have a need, but moreso than that I also have a desire. A desire to be that perfect body I never have been. I know your trepidation at sharing your desires, but please know that even though I need PS it doesn't mean I don't want it or desire it for more vain reasons as well. I want to be 150. I'm hoovering between 196 and 199. I may not get another 20 lbs off, much less another 50. But I want it regardless of whether I am healthy. I think it's normal to want that. Don't feel bad for sharing that. It's all part of the process..... Dina

Leave it to Dina to figure out exactly how I feel. I mean, I'm not really complaining, I do have a lot to be grateful for. I know I'm a normal weight for my height with a normal BMI and all that good stuff, but it's so hard when you had a certain number in your head and you're not there. It just bothers me. To make matters even better, my boyfriend and I are going to visit my mother on sunday. I need to be medicated just to walk in the door....oh well.... Thanks for your great insight. You're always right on the money! Joanie

Joan, I spent the last 20 minutes tying out a long-winded reply to you, took a look at it and decided I have no answers so deleted it. I too want the rock star body. I too want the last 10 pounds gone. I too struggle. I'm successful in most aspects of my life so it kills me that I can't seem to get the upper hand on my body. Maybe it's God's may of telling me that I'm not as in charge as I think I am and keeping me humble. Hang in there, hun. I'm with you all the way. Connie

Hi Joan.... I'm right there with you on this one. I've really wanted to get down below 200lbs. and stay there. I've been flirting with it for months. On one weigh-in I'll be 198, while the next one will be 201. I'd really like to get to 180, but I don't think that I'm going to get there. I also don't have a prayer of getting my insurance to cover a TT, because there's just not enough Tummy to Tuck!! Like you, I have the belly pouch but not a lot of trouble with the arms etc.. I'll probably fund my own TT just to make my clothes fit better. Even though everyone talks about how great I look, I'm still not satisfied, but I think that I better start facing reality and accept the fact that perfection ain't happening. We probably both need to remember where we started and enjoy our new and vastly improved selves!! By the way, I looked at your new picture on your profile....... forget about the "Rock Star Body" whatever that is, you're a beautiful woman, go out and celebrate being JOAN!!!!!!! Mike

Leave it to you guys to not only understand, but to make me feel better. I know I'm not the only passenger on this boat, even though we all have a lot to be thankful and grateful for. The only thing I can do is keep on trucking and working towards the goal. I can't give up...we've all come too far...thanks for the words and thoughts....you guys are THE BEST!!! Joanie