SOS -- FEELING VERY AFRAID

Good morning, friends. I feel rather silly put this out there, but then again this is what we do so well for each other. So here goes...my abdominoplasty and hernia repair is scheduled for 7:30 a.m. Tuesday morning...and I'm frightened, Auntie Em, I'm frightened! What's up with this? When I went in for my GB, I felt calm, almost serene. With this one, I can't sleep at night, I imagine going under and what they will do to me, cutting from hip to hip, and from sternum to pubic bone. I imagine the pain as I attempt to get up and walk and boy, I can hardly breathe when I think of the pain! I am no wuss when it comes to pain; in fact, with all the surgeries I've had so far (2 C-sections, gall bladder and GB) the nurses are always amazed at how fast I get out of bed and how determined I am to begin healing...but for some reason, I'm just really afraid. And of course, I'm eating to sooth these crazy emotions of fear and anxiety. If I don't get a handle on this, I will gain 5 lbs. between now and Tuesday a.m.! Casting the net in the hopes that someone out there can help me gain some perspective and get some control on this...thanks. Love, Reenie

Maureen - I feel your pain - if not literally then figuratively! I am not even close to getting approval for my PS (hope to be working that way soon) and I have the same anxieties you do. I know that as I psych myself into this, I am trying to remember that in so many weeks or months from the time of the surgery I'm going to be SO happy I did it. That's how I get through anything that causes me anxiety. I think about the next day or next week, et****ep projecting myself to the future so I can dwell on how relieved I will be over how I had it done. The other thing I'm determined to do when I have my PS is to take all the drugs I'm given. Generally I don't take my pain meds on time or as often as I should. So, knowing that, I am determined to keep up on the meds quite well because I've heard when you keep up on the pain it's so much easier to deal with. It's when you let it get out of hand that it causes panic because it's hard to get back under control. Just remember that people who have PS do generally go back for more later, so if it was THAT bad, you would find a lot of people with one or two things done and that's it! Dina

Ah, Dina, I do precisely the same thing! I always project myself into the future, but only just beyond, the event that I'm dreading...hadn't done so with this one, oddly enough, though. Thanks for the reminder! Works every time! Maureen

Reenie, As usual, Dina is her wise self and has given good advice. Before wls, the surgeon had a meditation guru come in and talk to our pre-op class. I thought this was wonderful and got a lot out of it. I learned that the attitude/mood that you go into surgery with is the same one that you will wake up with. She had us listening to soothing tapes and doing some self-hypnosis the few days before surgery. Even though they had not hooked up my IVs correctly and it was 2 hours before I could convince anyone that I had absolutely no pain meds in my body post-surgery, I still felt calm and had not an ounce of stress after coming out of the operation. The other thing that really helped after surgery was my mantra of "it's temporary." When my pouch tried to kill me in the middle of the night by foaming, I told myself it was temporary. When my muscles started spasming and pulling the internal stitches, "it's temporary." When I dumped, when I over ate, whenever I felt any type of pain at all, I just kept telling myself that it was temporary and after it was over, I was going to be better than ever. I've carried that mantra through the rest of life since surgery and it really helped me get through my last illness. Though I have to admit that the big block of cement in my colon didn't feel temporary. You're going to be wonderful, Reenie. You're strong, determined and smart and you'll get through this. I'm going to give you a mantra - Diva. Just keep thinking about what a diva you're going to be up there on the stage looking hot with your new flat tummy. Just repeat after me..... Diva... Diva... Diva.... Diva..... Love, Connie

You are too, too funny. Do you have any idea how much you've been missed here??? And by none more so than I! Hugs, Reenie

I think part of of can be in that you see this surgery as "cosmetic" and your WLS was to save your life. And lets be honest, I know that I didn't have any fears of not making it out of WLS because I really believed that it was just a matter of time before I would stroke out or have a heart attack if I didn't do something about my weight. Plus, now your life is much fuller so it seems you have more to lose. Let not your heart be troubled, you will be fine. You are such a better candidate for surgery now and this is not for "cosmetic" reasons, it needs to be done. I read a book called "Preparing for Surgery, Healing Faster" and think that it helped me in my recovery. I did return to work, light duty, but still work one week after WLS surgery. Have faith, lots of folks will be sending positive thoughts you way. In Law Enforcement, cops off part by saying, "Be Safe!" It is a reminder, but also a good mojo type thing. So, relax you'll be fine! Be Safe!

Wow, Ken, you bring up a very interesting idea that I hadn't thought of before -- the question of whether or not I deserve this...not that this is your question to me, rather the question surfaced for me after I read your post. I think this is a piece of what I'm feeling so afraid about! It's not really about the pain; it's more about trying to justify doing this surgery. I was doing my run on the treadmill on Friday and listening to my belly flap against the tops of my thighs and I had the thought that it will be so incredibly weird not to have that anymore -- see, I'm even dancing around it in this post back to you, I have a hard time saying it, owning it -- I'm going to have a FLAT stomache! For the first time ever, ever in my entire life! This is the source of my fear, I'm sure of it. Will I be able to deal with this and, if not, will I do what I've always done, what I do so well....eat to soothe those emotions, that anxiety. It's all about deserving this for me...I don't quite know HOW to feel deserving; I've spent my entire life feeling exactly the opposite. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? You're absolutely right on about the WLS and why I felt so calm and serene about that one -- it was literally a life or death choice, and I chose life -- even if it meant dying in the process. I could handle that, I could cope with it all. This is entirely different. Whoa, I didn't know! Thanks! You're amazing! Love, Reenie

Reenie, My friend just had this surgery and he did great. He didn't tell anybody he was going to have the surgery. He is just amazed that he has done so good. He had the surgery and in a few days he was out going places. He had 3 tubes in his belly and he wore coveralls and fixed the tubes to his under shirt and nobody even knew he'd had the surgery. He said he had very little pain. It's been about a month now and he's back to cutting grass ( His yard is 2 ackers) and he's riding his tractor doing farm work. His wife stayed with him for the first few days and helped him up and down because he was sore, but he's done great. I hope this helps you to feel better about the surgery. Keep us updated on what's going on with you. Judy

Thanks for this, Judy, it really helped! Nothing like walking in someone else's shoes (and in this case, hoping to!) to get us out of own itty-bitty teeny-weeny little heads! I'm happy for your friend and hope to fare likewise! Thanks sweetie. Reenie

everyone gave you wonderful words of advice- i think that just hearing others confirm what you already know helps-at least i hope so! you DO deserve this reenie-ken said it very well and his thoughts provoked yours..you will own this ...and you will take care of it and you will be healthier and lovelier than you could have ever imagined!!!!!! we are all praying for you and wishing you Godspeed in returning to us! diva!!! diva!!! diva!!! diva!!! diva!!!!