Profile updated - plus new photo....

Hello everyone. Thought I'd peek my head in and let those of you interested know that I updated my profile and brought all my entries back here after trying the blog thing for awhile. It was kind of a mess after I tried to "fix" it so I thought this was better anyway. I don't journal as much anyway, so it won't get a whole lot longer! There is a new picture there - although it's a joke picture, it's at least a full length that shows my latest look. Ignore the hair....and the tired eyes! I do have a new blog on my website (linked below) under the jabber link, but it's not just solely related to wls. Dina

Great picture!~ you look AMAZING!!!! Joan

Well, thank you so much dear. Dina

my god, girl. you look absolutely amazing!!! ...i'm jealous - how awful is that? lol kym

Well, I could hug and kiss you for that, and I'm not even that way! Seriously, I try not to focus on the fact that I haven't even gotten below 200 yet while everyone else is at goal already, but sometimes it is hard. I don't have a little bitty pouch - never did. It's still a struggle and it's just something that I am trying to not let get me down. So hearing that - well, it puts a little icing on my cake. Thank you!!! Dina

well, i honestly meant every word of it. i can't believe how far you've come and how incredible you look. i do supposedly have a little bitty pouch, but i'm nowhere near goal. i'm down from 406 to 230, so i still have a long way to go. and to be honest, i'm not happy with my appearance at all. in fact, i was crying to my hubby the other day and asking him if he remembered those shirts that some people would wear back in the day that said "i may be fat, but you're ugly & i can lose weight"...remember that saying? well, i feel like the more i lose the uglier i'm getting. i mean, sure - it's nice to feel healthier and great that i can do more things, but i'm so uncomfortable in my body now - much moreso than i ever was at my highest (416). i mean, after all of this, i'm still very overweight and i've got tons of skin all wrinkly and hanging everywhere. odd thing is is that to be considered "normal" for my height i need to be around 160-170. well, 160 is what i weighed my senior year in high school, and i was constantly picked on because i was "so fat". god, i don't know...i really didn't mean to write out my life story to you here, but i'm really struggling with a lot of things right now and it's all just really starting to get to me. part of my problem is that i'm sooo disproportionate - i'm sooo top heavy (and not because of my boobs, either - which are also missing at this point). i've gone from 30/32 pants to mostly 16's and some 14's, but i'm still having to buy 30/32 tops because of my broad shoulders, huge arms, and big flapping tummy. can you tell i'm a bit discouraged and a tad bitter at this point?! lol but, back to what i really want to say is that you are gorgeous! and you look so happy. to look at your before pics and your current pics - it's like 2 totally different people. i know you've struggled some with having had your pouch made somewhat bigger than most, and maybe that's part of why i admire you so much. i mean, sure you have the same type of tool that i have, but you have had to be so much more disciplined with yours than most of us. i don't tend to post a whole lot on the boards, but i am here every single day, and i can't begin to tell you how much you have inspired me. yes, you. i guess i'm just really starting to have doubts about whether or not i can actually make this work for me. i "accidentally" discovered that i can tolerate sugar, and i've fallen off the wagon more times than i can count. problem is...i can't seem to get my footing to get back up on the damn thing. i'm back in my old patterns of "i'll do better tomorrow"..."i'll exercise tomorrow"... anyway...i'm really sorry for babbling on like this - i guess i really needed to get it all out. but, i apologize for spewing it all out on you! lol it's just that every time i see a new pic of you, i am so incredibly amazed at what you've done and how much you've accomplished, and how truly beautiful you are. well...i need to stop going on and on and get to bed - something i had intended on doing a LONG time ago. take care & have a good night. kym

Kym - Well, don't worry about unloading all that. It is what we have this forum for and I'm glad you felt the desire to get it out! Now, contrary to what you think, you have TOTALLY blossomed in the last year. I always thought you were pretty, but you are really starting to see your eyes and the shape of your face. I know you don't feel it - I know I don't feel it most of the time either, but it's there regardless. It's just that our minds are not catching up to the reality of what has happened I think. I mean, I look in the mirror and I still see a huge head and an enormous round face. Then once in awhile I see a glimmer of thinness. And then still yet other times I see sagging jowls and the skin that used to house my double chin hanging wrinkly below my jaw. My biggest problem before surgery was always my butt and legs, and that remains so. But because I did get to 325 lbs, I developed a belly which for my body shape wasn't the norm. So now in addition to the saggy elephant legs that won't ever see shorts, I also have the belly hanging over. I use body shapers and tight pants to help hold it all in. And my boobs - PLEASE - 42 long on the right and 36 long on the left. Seriously - I'm THAT lopsided. So it does take me a lot of work to hide the evidence of my super morbid obesity, and the only thing left for me is plastics which I think might be a ways down the line. I think for many of us - you and me and others like us - we won't be happy until it is all done. You have to consider where you started and where you are right now. You will have a large amount of skin to have removed which will amount to a large loss right there. It does seem sad to me though that we came this far to still be dissatisfied with our bodies. I thought for sure I'd FINALLY get to wear shorts - a goal of mine. But I can't. I simply can't. I sag badly and the backs of my knees are grotesque. As for the rest - well, you blow me away that you look to me as an example because I don't feel like I've done as well as everyone else. That's just mind blowing to me! And the biggest reason why I am still not below 200 is because I've also allowed myself too much sugar and the likes. I gave in once too often and found myself in those negative patterns as well. I don't know if it makes a difference or not, but I finally gave up a little of that self-talk. I have been struggling with the sugar demon quite a bit lately, so I decided I would put whatever sugar I wanted to indulge in in my car and only eat it when I was driving. I have my red vines in there and Jujy fruits in there. Over time I went from eating something every short trip to eating something a couple times a week. Dunno if it's really a method I'd endorse, except for me it has helped me calm down the sugar fiend living inside me. That way I'm not forking it down at home all the time. Anyway, it's not easy - even after surgery. It's *easier* than it was obviously, but it ends up in a struggle still that requires us to exert effort. After so many years of dieting and exerting my self-control with little to no rewards, I burned myself out. I have very little willpower anymore and that is depressing. I know if I put half the energy into losing weight that I used to, I would be at goal - but I'm *that* burned out. Know one thing - you have come a VERY long way and have done wonderfully. Figure out a strategy to deal with your sugar fiend and work around it. Then do what you can to get your TT and get the girls lifted. I have a feeling it will help you come a long way in seeing the awesome progress you have made. You have lost damned near 200 lbs - BEFORE plastics. If you get that done, it will put you over that point. Think about it - you are almost half the person you were! I'm so glad you opened this up. I think it's important to share these things when we are feeling low! Dina

I agree with Dina, Kym. You are looking terrific. It is so hard for us to see ourselves with our eyes instead of through the fog of our self-image. We have a lifetime of bad self-perception to reverse and it is going to take longer than the time it is taking to lose the weight. Hang in there... This is a journey, not a destination. Try to trust us on this one... You look great!! Joy

You look terrific, Dina! The short hair is definitely flattering but the biggest change in you since losing so much is how much bigger and prettier your eyes are! After losing 135 lbs, the plastics are going to make a huge difference--you may have another 20 lb loss there! You look terrific, just as you are! Joy

Thank you so much Joy! It's so funny - I was just saying the same thing to Kym about her eyes - it's amazing that when we lose weight our eyes suddenly come out!!! Dina