Hi Marchers! I Need your help!

I feel like a stranger here - it's been about 2 months since I posted anything. They don't have internet at work, and I have been too depressed to get on line when I am home. I have put back on 10 lbs... I know what I need to do, but I feel like a crazy lady - the same eating habits that got me MO in the first place have reared their ugly head and I am TERRIFIED!! I have had so much happen lately - my parents filed for divorce, my daughter had a nervous breakdown and had to be hospitalized for a while, my husband got laid off (again!), my air went out in my car, and the list goes on - and so instead of dealing with all the crap head on, I decided the "rational" thing to do (ya, right) was to jump into the center of carb city. My hubby has a job now, my daughter is doing much better, and I am really loving my job, but I am really fighting this bad eating cycle. Any advice? I am so horrified at what I am doing -I am really ashamed of myself! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME??? -Sherrie

Sherrie, There is nothing wrong with you. Eating helped us survive when we were emotionally overwhelmed before, and it is natural for that to be your instinct now. Even though we "know" better in our heads, we've trained our response to stress to be eating for years and years and years - it's not a light switch that can just be turned off. We have to learn other ways to respond, ways that are not self-destructive, and then we have to start using them and implementing them into our lives, slowly taking chances on other responses and learning that they can work, too, and that eating isn't our only response option. We have to learn to trust that we'll be okay and survive even without the eating response, but that takes time, and you were under a lot of pressure all at once - a hard situation to take a leap of faith in. Because every time we DON'T eat in response to a stressor, that is a leap of faith. Choosing to try a new option over something that 'worked' (we lived, anyway) faithfully for years - that is a leap of faith. You have to start with leaps off of curbs, or leaps over puddles -- not leaps between tall buildings. Do not beat yourself up over this, and do not use it as an excuse. Maintain awareness of what you are doing in each moment, recognize what is stressing you out, and be conscious of your response and the reasons why you choose the response you use. It is a gradual process to stop choosing food. You'll be okay. If you don't KNOW what other options you have, or if you don't know where your stress and upset is coming from, then you might try a therapist, a support group, or perhaps some reading (stress reduction techniques, addition recovery information). And above all - Excercise. When stressed, the body releases chemicals that are intended to help you fight or flee. When neither of those is appropriate, as is the case with most of our life stresses, those chemicals serve no good purpose but instead can heighten the feelings of being under pressure (literally, because your blood pressure and heart rate elevate) and make it harder for you to think clearly and calm down - which again, heightens the feelings of being overwhelmed. Excercise interferes with this self-perpetuating stress loop by ridding the body of those chemicals, reducing blood pressure, heart rate and respiration back to normal, and allowing for better quality of sleep and mental recovery. So even in the absence of any outside help or therapy, excercise will make you feel better, and put you in a position to better monitor what's going on. One last thing: in some cases, the appropriate response is NO response. Take care of yourself first, foremost, and always. That is all any of us can do. That goes for your parents, whose marriage and divorce is not your problem to solve. And, this is harder, but it even goes for your daughter. She needs help to develop her ability to care for herself - but she needs it from a professional, who knows best how to help her, and who will not endanger their own mental or physical health in the attempt. And your husband's situation - it probably wasn't in your power to get him a new job, and if you could, would it have been the right one for him? I'm a habitual worrier but I'm starting to see that worrying about how the bills get paid doesn't make the interest rate go down, it just makes my blood pressure go up. Sometimes we think that if we just tried harder, put out more effort, even if we neglect ourselves to death, even if we can't DO anything but we can stay up all night worrying about it and thinking about it and breathing a problem, surely if we just put all that effort in to someone else's situation, we could help them, save them, prevent them from suffering the consequences of their own lives.... but the truth is, no matter how hard we try to help others, they have to do it themselves, or it doesn't work anyway. Sometimes, the best response from us, is not to respond. Just something to think about - this one is much harder than just incorporating excercise and getting all of the potato chips out of the house - but it's important, I think, to our true recovery and ownership of our health. Good luck, Jen

I really appreciate your reply! You are right that the worrying doesn't help - and neither does the eating! -Sherrie

Sherrie! I'm so sorry you are struggling! It sounds like it has been a really tough period for you. Like you, my reaction to stress and trauma is to try to self-medicate with carbs. Unfortunately, it is not easy to turn off this craving when the external stress subsides. We are a complicated mixture of habits, biochemistry, genetics and learned behavior. Our decision-making abilities are a small rudder to turn such a powerful ship, but we can do it. Right now your enemies are habit and biochemistry. You can reduce the ill effects of both of these by going a week of Adkins inductions. That should break the physical carb addiction for you and give you back the control you need. Quit beating up yourself, and do some planning to eat high protein, extremely low carb for a few days. We can do this together! Oh, and you are NOT a stranger here! Joy

Thanks, Joy!

Another lurker here. Jen's responce was really great. And I am taking it for me also because I am in the same boat. Troubles over flowing, from work to $$ to health issues. Carbs are all that seems to solve (or should I say salve) the worries. I can't seem to prioritize my worries enough to just let some go. I am being tracked for ovarian cancer and that in itself is nerve racking. Add to that my worry about finances at home and in my business and I am almost afraid of the scale again. WLS was my last resort and I fear failure in this also. I am proud of my accomplishment so far but I am still obese. How does everyone find the energy yo exercise after working a physical job on your feet all day for 10-12 hours? I start work @ 5:30am so doing it in the morning is out for me. By the time I get home I collapse. I was doing 30-60 minutes a day until my work load increased. Now I can't find the time or energy. I know it is supposed to be energizing to do it but it never, ever happened for me. Thanks for all the support. Jane 309/230/160

I have to be to work at 5AM so I understand that struggle - and by the time I get home I am tired and lazy - I know intellectually that if I exercise I will feel better, but I guess I am waiting for my butt to magically pick itself up off the couch to exercise. -Sherrie

Jane, You and Sherrie inspired my "Couch Potato Challenge" post. I can't make myself jump into a major exercise routine right now, but I can do anything for 5 minutes. Let's be accountable to each other and start with this baby step. Joy