Tale of the Scale

It seems that if you get on and off the scale 5 or 6 times a day, you have an obsessive/compulsive disorder. I hate it when my sister's right. I though obsessive/compulsive people were the one's who straightened the fringe on the carpet, washed their hands over and over again and locked and unlocked the front door seven times before going to bed at night. Surely being mindful of your weight is not obsessive, even if you do it 5 or 6 times a day. Isn't that just being diligent? Saw the new therapist today. She specializes in eating disorders so I figured we'd be a good match, cuz I got an eating disorder. Today was just intake so we didn't get too much into why's or how to stops, but I like her. In fact, she says we could spend the next 20 years on the why's and it really wouldn't matter. What's important is stopping the binge eating behavior, AKA in Connie's world as the occasional non-stop graze day. Seems that's what binge eating turns into for many wls folks. You can't eat a whole bag of chips in one sitting, but you can work on it over the whole day and before you know it, that bag is gone. I'm usually really good at stopping, and I've never eaten a whole bag of chips, but I'm afraid I'm on my way back to 286 pounds if I don't get a grip. The really interesting part was when we talked about the scale. She asked if I weighed daily and I said yes, that's how I make sure that I'm on track. Rationalize, rationalize. She asked how many times a day and I had to confess. We talked about body image and what I see in the mirror (fat girl). One of the other things she asked me is if I would be happy if I stopped losing right where I am at 155 to 160. Hmmmmm..... Happy? Not really. When I weighed 286, would I have been happy to weigh 160? Well, yeah. Is it more important to me to be healthy or weigh 140 pounds? That was really tough. Of course it's more important to be healthy, but at this point, I'm gonna feel like I didn't finish what I set out to do if I don't hit some magic number and I think 140 is healthier than 160. But the real shock to me was when she said, we're going to help you get rid of that scale. WHAT!?!?!? I had some real separation anxiety going there. Get rid of my scale? You must be kidding! How will I know how I'm doing? How will I know if I'm on track? Obviously I have formed an unnatural bond with this scale thing in my bathroom. She said to relax, we weren't getting rid of it yet. Whew! Connie

As usual, you're making me think. The scale is my friend. I get on it once a day...usually in the morning. It works as my barometer...it tells me what I can eat for the day. Many articles have stated that you should get weighed once a week. This I cannot do. If I get on the scale and am 5 pounds heavier, I will kill myself....this is my biggest fear...gaining weight. I'm terrified. I'm calling a therapist this week that deals with wls patients. Even though I am a normal weight for my height, I still want to be thinner...at least 10 pounds thinner than I am now. Why do I have this need to be a size 4? When I was a size 22, I never thought I'd be a size 6 or 8 in this lifetime...and now I want to be a size 4. WHY??? I am not 20 years old anymore. It isn't necessary for me to have a body like a 20 year old. So why do I look at all these young kids with flat stomachs on the beach and want to look like that? Ok...I'm convinced...I need a therapist..... Joan

I am experiencing all of the same things, Connie, and I'm sure many others can relate. I, too, weigh myself at least once a day; I, too, still feel as if I am morbidly obese and "see" that fat, fat woman in the mirror - even though that fat, fat woman is comfortably wearing sizes 8's and 10's. I have reverted back to all the bad behavior -- especially the sneak eating, on the run, in the car -- the lonliness I feel when I'm behaving this way is every bit as devestating as it used to be. I'm terrified. What to do??? What can be done??? Is there any one of us who feels they have successfully beat these demons and are living normally and healthily in their new bodies -- and heads? If os, please share with us, tell us what you're doing, how you feel, share the secrets of your success. In the meantime, Connie, best of luck with your new therapist and keep sharing about your sessions to the extent you feel comfortable. I think I'll try to weigh myself every other day this week! Love you, Reenie

I can relate to everythng you said !! I am going to a support meeting tomorrow night and I'm going to ask for the number and name of a good therapist. Dr. Proctor has one that works with him. I need help and I'm going to get it !! Hang in there and we can do it, I know. Judy

How do you people get inside my head??? Or maybe its that your not real people but imaginary people to help me deal with all those issues that you type about? I think its only one person who knows what I'm thinking types it out to make it look like theres a big old community of me's with different names! sybil. Ok so I'm right were all of you are! The fear of gaining. The looking in the mirror and seeing a fat person still. The laughing when someone says to me You are too thin cause they have to be making fun of me or they are being nice and lieing or my god they need new glasses cause sure the scale says I've lost 116 pounds, I'm wearing size 8's & 10's but I'm fat! The clothes sizes could be miss marked. Why bother getting a TT when I'm still gonna be fat. fat fat fat. Today I was in the ladies room at work. My friend was in the other stall. She SAYS she's bigger than I am now and she is having problems with that. She needs to talk to her therapist casue I just know I'm bigger. I look at her and think why can't I be her size? Well we came out of the doors at the same time and while we were talking I was stairing in the mirror right across from us to see that there was a skinny person standing next to my friend with the same outfit on that I had. When I looked up to see the face of who it was It was ME! And thats when the fat all came back on. Obviously my eyes were playign tricks on me. Must have been the heat cause for a few minutes I was skinnier than my friend. I didnt tell her. She's a good friend. Now that I've shrunk I need a shrink!

can we get a group rate??? i was interested in your comment about "not finishing" in re going to the 140 mark--i feel the same way unfortunately; i am putting weight on--and i blame it on stress-my hubby was re-admitted to the hospital sunday=perforated bowel and had ER surgery--tho my shorts are getting a tad loose everything else is snugging up a teensy bit---

Welcome to my world of OCD!! Yes just thinking about getting on the scale 6-7 times a day can be a problem! My pdoc does not want me obsessing about the scale and I only weigh in once a week. BUt that was hard to break. I will admit to checking it now and again mid week but I am usually disappointed. am glad that you found someone to work with. The head part of WLS is the hardest part. I am also thrilled to have lost 80+ pounds but I am no way happy about it. I don't think my goal of 160 is too much to ask but that means I still have 50+ more to lose. It is harder than I ever thought. If I could just get my brain straightened out!!!