Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies...

I have been seeing a therapist for a month now and so far I'm really enjoying it. I guess it's because we're mostly in the getting to know me phase, and boy do I love talking about myself. Seriously, I am enjoying being able to tell him the truth about everything, my actions, why I think I commit them, what I'm thinking. I hadn't been conscious how many times I lie. I do it instinctively. Not huge lies, but lies nonetheless. It's too much trouble to explain things, so I lie and say nothing's wrong. I lie by letting people think that Issue A is the problem when really, Issue B is what I'm worried about. I lie by letting people assume things, by not telling them the whole truth. Even when I think I'm doing it to protect them - a lot of the time, I'm not protecting them. I'm letting them continue to operate under false assumptions and in the end, they're going to get hurt by that worse than if I'd told them the truth up front. I'd like to lie less. It's going to require some courage because it means I could hurt people's feelings, and if I do that, they might leave me. But I am beginning to believe that maybe that's better. It will help me winnow down the people who shouldn't be in my life, and are there because I manipulated them into being here and the fit isn't good for either of us, and it will make me more available and attractive to the people that I do want in my life, because my actions will align better with who I am inside. Anybody else a liar like me?

I too love therapy. It serves my self-centered desires to talk about me too. Who knew we were so much alike? I can say I don't lie....at least not that I'm aware of. I may even be too honest much of the time. HOWEVER, I have noticed that in the last year of counselling that I have had to face my own flaws. In that way, I was a liar since I wouldn't admit some of these things to myself until recently. I have had a long hard road to being true to who I really am and what I value. It has paid off immensely and I am happy I've gone through all that junk. I still have more tweaking to go, but I know I'm on the right path. Admitting the shortcoming is the hardest part. The next hardest part is trying to change it. But in an odd way, once you call it and own up to it, it is easier to change for some reason. I don't know why. One of my problems was always feeling like I had to confront people who were doing me, or someone else, wrong. It never felt good to me and I would almost black out from the stress of it. I had to do a lot of digging and unexpected sobbing to understand it. Once I did, I would find myself in situations where I would normal stand up to fight, and I was able to stop and think to myself "I don't need to do this anymore....it serves no purpose." So it has helped me a lot to go through this. But it was hard initially. Hopefully it won't be a case of you having to go through the major catharsis I had to. If you have a lot of buried pain though - prepare for it if you haven't already had it.... Dina

Next to the surgery, I always felt that therapy is the best gift you can give yourself. It helps you to be true to yourself...which can be very painful at times....but I do believe with the right therapist, we all come out a better person. Don't you agree?? Joanie

Jen, I start therapy on Sunday and it's causing me to reflect on previous rounds of therapy. Every few years I go in for a tune up. I remember one therapist who did the whole talk to the empty chair, play with clay, beat a pillow routine. I just felt silly. I had another therapist who told me I would never get over the issues that plagued me and that therapy was a life long process, the best I could hope for was to eventually feel better, not healed. She offered herself as an example because after all, she had been in therapy for over 20 years. I decided as long as I was never gonna feel cured, I could stay home, order a pizza and feel bad in the comfort of my own home. My favorite therapist was Frank. He was disheveled, and scattered, but had a rapier sharp, dry wit. I'd come in with all the answers, tell him, "Frank, I've been thinking and I've got this figured out." With a perfectly straight face, Frank would thank me for doing his job, tell me he felt bad about taking my money since I obviously had all the answers and then set me straight. I met my match in Frank. This time I'm taking a new tact and will see a woman who specializes in eating disorders and bariatric patients. I have the opposite problem from lying. I've always said that I would much rather be hurt with the truth than a lie. I can accept the truth, no matter how painful, but it's almost impossible for me to forgive a lie. I know that I end up wounding people with my blunt and not so tender brutal honesty at times. I'm trying to temper it, but it's work. Connie

Your post is timely and ironic for me, Jen, and comes on the heels of a conversation I just had with my family (probably one sided with no real impact like all the others)...I told them that when I die I want the phrase, "Live a passionate and truthful life" on my tombstone. Live a passionate and truthful life. The greatest hurts in my life stem from dishonesty in one form or another. I cannot tolerate dishonesty or any of its manifestations in my relationships with people. Unfortunately, people operate from a basis of dishonesty, generally speaking, in our culture so I set myself up for a lot of hurts. And I've hurt others plenty with my very straight-forward and honest responses to cir****tances but I just don't know any other way. I think this was the most hurtful aspect of being morbidly obese. I had to venture out into the world every day lying to myself that I could function, that I was ok with who I was, that I was a capable person who could accomplish anything I set my mind to. Talk about dishonesty. Anyway, you are doing so well and I am very proud of your progress. Keep posting, please, because I mean it when I say that every time I hear from you on this board, I feel better for it and want to be better, do better. You inspire me. And that's the truth. Hugs, Reenie

Ok guys, I'm feeling the need for a therapist. Don't know who to go to not sure if its covered on the insurance. Which way do I go? I would guess that the first step is to contact the insurance company but if I do that what do I tell them as to why I want to go when I dont even know myself? The reason why I feel I should go is that lately in the past few weeks I'm feeling down, inadiquit, not able to do anything right. I've noticed that stress from my job is a trigger for eating too. I feel like I have a handle on that (the eating thingy) but its tightly fisted with maybe a slippery knot. I feel so good about how I look its not that, that is bothering me. Maybe I should just wait it out could be its the weather. Right? I've made good changes in the past few years. I feel another change coming that I'm not looking forward to that might be the thing that has me down. argggggg

Pam, Call your insurance company and ask for a list of providers. You don't have to give them a reason, just tell that you need authorization for a therapist. Sometimes it helps just to talk things out with a nuetral third party. Connie