Don't Try This at Home...
Also known as what Connie did on her summer vacation. Long post ahead and I'm on pain killers so get a cup of coffee and settle in while I ramble, or you can just check out now.
It all started a week and a half ago... I got up on a Friday morning to let the dogs out and instead of waiting for me to open the door, my father's 109.6 pound lab ran through the sliding glass door. Straight through. Shattered the door and by some miracle managed not to kill himself. I did have to load him into the car with a shard of glass sticking out of his head and get him to the vet. End result was that the dog was fine, door was destroyed and The Back hated me.
So on Sunday I go to paint my sister's house. Fall off a 10 foor ladder. Again, The Back hates me. I get home and find my 66 pound Border Collie in a full gran mal seizure. Forgot about the back and picked up the dog to get him to the vet. The Back has now called for a Holy War.
I didn't get in any more exercise during the week because I thought it was important to rest The Back in preparation for the Grand Canyon hike on Sunday. Went to the Chiropractor Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and was feeling pretty good. Until I lifted 2 forty pound water bottles on Saturday morning. The Back kicked me in the ass for that one.
OK, I've gotten the message loud and clear, don't mess with The Back. The Back is in charge. Instead of carrying my stuff the 10 miles down to the campsite, I rent a mule to pack it in for me. No point in irritating The Back. Off we go... me, The Back, my sister Candy, a large group of inner-city Chicago kids who are all on probation for serious crimes and some counselors and a few other folks. All in all, there are 47 of us.
We got a late start so the going was pretty toasty hot, but we were making pretty good time. In fact, we made it about 7 of the 10 miles down to the bottom of the canyon before my feet hit a sandy spot on a rock and I went from a standing position to flat on my butt. My feet flew right out from under me. I hit so hard that I bounced up and landed on the next rock down. They don't call me Bubble Butt for nothing. My sister showed how much she cared by not stepping on me as she went past. I did the laugh/cry thing for a few moments and got up and kept going. The Back said, "F-you, Connie."
We walked another mile into the Village of Supai and while everyone else walked the two miles to the campground, The Back made me go to the lodge and rent a room for $160.00 a night. The Back doesn't give a **** about my budget. The next morning, after a wonderful rest and shower and breakfast, Candy, The Back and I started down to the campsite. It was BEAUTIFUL! There are three major waterfalls and one of them, Mooney Falls, is the most photographed waterfall in the world. It was pristine, cool, quiet and a blessing from above.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Havasupai
The Back held a summit with the legs and feet and decided to forgive me for a while... until I made it sleep on the ground in a tent.
I knew that I wasn't going to be able to hike out because frankly, The Back was a brat. I decided that I would pay for a helicoptor ride out on Wednesday morning and The Back was pleased. And then I found that there were no helicoptor trips on Wednesday. There were only two ways out of the canyon for the next several days... my feet or horseback. The Feet talked to the Back. The Thighs got in on the conversation. The Thighs were willing to walk. They were looking forward to it, they had been training and were strong. The Feet were willing to negotiate, but The Back called for a Jihad and once again reigned supreme. Damn Back. So Candy and I rented horses.
I used to be a decent horsewoman, but that was 20 years ago. I don't think Candy has ever really ridden a horse. I knew the only way I was going to make it out of the canyon without ending up in a full body cast was to post the trot. Reenie can probably attest to how sore your thighs will be after posting for 10 miles. Candy kept letting her legs flop on her horses sides and that may be why he decided to kill her with a tree. She managed to stay on as her horse ran her into the tree's hanging branches, but some of the twigs left some nasty scratches all the way across her throat. It looks like I tried to strangle her with piano wire and don't think it didn't cross my mind once or twice. No pianos on the canyon floor.
There were trains of horses and mules coming through at a fast trot and sometimes a gallop as the native residents drove supplies in and out of the canyon. When this happens, you pull over to the side of the trail and let them pass. Often, there is no rider in the lead because the animals know the way. Sometimes, two or three of the animals are tethered together. At one point, we heard the horses thundering up behind us and Candy and I pulled over to the side. I went up on a small side hill to watch them pass and realized that there was a woman on horseback, sitting on the trail, frozen. We kept yelling at her to get off the trail and she just sat. I started to ride down, but it was too late, she was in the middle of the stampede and two horses that were tethered together went on either side of her horse. The tether wrapped around her and the horses were tangled and on top of each other in a panic. She was trying to jump off the horse and I kept yelling at her to stay on. Luckily, she couldn't get her foot out of the stirrup and the tether holding the horses together broke. If she had gotten off her horse, she would have been trampled. She'd gotten lost from her group so we brought her along with us. Lucky woman.
So four hours after we started out, we arrive at the top of the canyon. I'm a little worried about dismounting because frankly, I don't know if my legs are going to hold me up after that long ride. I dismount slowly and wait for my legs to stabilize before I start to walk. The Back doesn't really hate me any more than it did four hours earlier. I turn around and there's Candy, sitting on her butt on the ground after falling off her horse. And I start laughing. She's in pain and near tears and I can't stop laughing. I'm tired, sore, and dilerious and I just can't stop laughing. And then I fart. Longer and louder than any of those horses ever dreamed of farting which makes me laugh even harder. And laughing harder makes me fart louder, which makes me wet my pants. And Candy starts doing the laugh/cry thing. And the woman who we've "rescued" chooses to sit on her horse and wait for someone else to come and help her down.
Luckily, I had a dry pair of pants in the car because all of my stuff was still at the bottom of the canyon. I'm so tired and so dilerious by now that I just don't care. I whip off my wet pants and start to put on the dry ones in the parking lot. It probably would have gone unnoticed except Candy yells, "Oh my God! You're naked and there are all those men over there. Don't you care if they see your crotch?" Ummmm.... NO. I really didn't. Not under these cir****tances.
Candy's hand was swelling and bruising pretty badly so we decided that we needed to get her to a hospital. Do we stop in any of the towns on the way back to Phoenix? Noooooo... we drive what is normally a 5 or 6 hour drive in 4 hours. That included a stop for lunch and a stop for gas. I now know that my car does 110 easily. Candy's hand turned out not to be broken, but it is torn up pretty bad and she's on the way to an orthopedic surgeon as I type. I've been to the doctor today, nothing broken in my tailbone, but I'm sore as hell from the fall. The Back still hates me, but I'll get an epidural next week and it will get over it.
Believe it or not, Candy and I are planning a famiy trip back to the canyon next year. I'll probably hike in and chopper out or maybe ride both ways. It's so majestic and beautiful that all the pain was worth it. There really is nothing to compare.
OK, off to prepare for another road trip. The Man and family are starting another reunion/road trip Friday morning and I never miss those. Going to Hawaii in September... will probably fall in a volcano at the rate I'm going.
Big hugs and sorry for rambling... Blame the drugs.
Connie
Now don't fall into no darn volcano!
Elizabeth M 
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