I am out of control! Help!

I cant believe that i would do this to myself, especially all i have done and have been through to lose this weight. I am hungry all the time, and let me tell you, I EAT ALOT! I have managed to gain 10lbs, i was 165 and i went up to 174!!!! I dont know what is wrong with me! am i crazy. Yes i have been under alot of stress with my family and work and all that crzy stuff, but i am so distressed! i hate myself for this. Is there any help for me, can anyone relate? Please, I need some encouragement STAT! I can eat everything and i dont dump on anything! i think i can eat more than 10 oz at a time, what the hell happened. I am seriously gonna have a nervous breakdown! HELP! mimi

Hello Mim and welcome to the Board. I'm not sure I've read any of your posts before or if this is your first one but you are not alone in what you are struggling with. I read your profile and saw your photos; you have done remarkably well. I don't have the answers...no one does, that's why there is a new diet book on the shelves every other week. I can only offer my thoughts based on personal experience and I can tell you that right now, for the past several days, I am craving food in exactly the same way I used to at over 350 lbs. I can say, however, that my cravings are a direct response to emotions that are out of control; mostly stress, insecurities, fear, sadness...you name it, if I feel it, I eat over it. I am a bonafide emotional eater, food for me is someone else's alcohol. And I am terrified. The only thing that is saving me from gaining weight right now is that I continue to work out hard every day. I have decided that I really need to see a therapist over this because I just can't live any longer if I gain this weight back. So there you have it. None of us have any magic solutions for you, but you are not alone. I urge you to talk to your PCP and have him/her assist you in finding a therapist who specializes in eating disorders -- STAT. You are a nurse, you care for and about other people. But you must first and foremost care for yourself. For now, just for tomorrow, try to put the brakes on this thing. Refocus your attention and energy on moving your body, calming your mind, and eat only nutritious foods - no empty calories, just for one day. See what you can do with that and in the meantime, find a therapist as soon as possible. I'm doing likewise. All the best, Mimi, and take care. Reenie

Hi Reenie! Thanks for your support and encouragement. I think you are right. I need some help. I have been so beaten up by my life lately and I am right back to my old habbits of eating and eating to relieve the pain that I am in. I will make an appointment with the therapist and nutrionist at my surgeon's office. I don't want to ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me. I woke up this morning and threw out a big bag of chips and some other junk that i know i should not be eating. Even as i wrote this last night i was munching away on those tostitos and mild salsa. I am so depressed! I have to fight for myself, but getting the energy to do it is so hard. I really appriciate you help and words! Thanks! Mimi

Whoa, Mimi! Take a deep breath! You have a strong faith, so stop the panic by praying for strength and discernment. Now, review your habits and lifestyle. Don't beat up on yourself, just do an honest assessment. What are you doing right? Are you getting in ENOUGH protein and vitamins? Have you had your nutritional blood work done to see if you are deficient in anything (your body may be signalling "hunger" if you are in need of nutrients). Are you drinking enough water? Are you active? What is your dietary downfall? Too much of good stuff? Too much sugar? Too much salty carbs? Too much fatty food? Drinking with meals? Soda pop? Caffiene? Figure out your pattern and plan an alternative strategy. For instance, if you crave chocolate, substitute a chocolate protein shake or chocolate SF pudding for the bad stuff. If it is salt, substitute peanuts or carrots for chips and crackers. If it is ice cream, substitute SF popcicles. You get the picture. You can do this. Your pouch is still there and willing to help you. Follow the pouch rules and break the addictions. You will feel much better after a couple of days and wonder why it was such a struggle. You are not alone. We all have food issues. They did surgery on our stomachs, not our heads!! Joy

Hi Joy! Thanks for the reminder and refresher! for some reason, i seem to have only been wanting to eat junk food and a whole lot of it! I like to eat and snack all day! These habits are horrible, and I dont get sick, i feel like I never had surgery! I am so afraid that i am screwing my self up. I don't drink water, I barely get my protien, i eat cookies and candy and chips and breads, and it is all day. I start off in the morning with the Idea that i am going to make good food choices, and wham! junk in my mouth! I am going to gry again and use your suggestions! Thanks for your help, and you are right, they did surgery on my belly not my brian, that is where my issuses are, i need to use my tool. Thanks again, Mimi

OK, OK, OK. Like Joy says... Breathe. You've gotten some wonderful advice from Joy and Reenie. I'm struggling everyday also. I think a bunch of us are. I've gained back as much as 4 pounds at a time and really have to stay on top of things or I'll be back up to 286 pounds before I know it. Stop hating yourself. You're trying to correct a lifetime of learned bad behaviors and coping mechanisms. There's no reason to believe that you're going to undo years and years of eating habits in 14 months. Take a brutally honest look at your eating and exercise. Look at it as if you were a total stranger. What advice would you give yourself? What can you do to change what's going on? There are lots of options here and lots of solutions. The trick is to keep trying until you find what works for you. Elizabeth went back to a liquid diet for a few days and that seemed to help. I find that every few weeks, I have to go through my house and dump everything that's bad for me. Even though I live alone, someone seems to be stocking my cupboards and fridge with crackers, chips and other evil foods. Every once in a while I get a grip and clean everything out. My neighbors love me because they are the lucky recipients of my intermittent self-control. I'm in agreement with Reenie about the therapy. Pre-surgery, I saw two therapists because I was worried about not changing my head after I changed my tummy. One thing that became very clear to me is that I don't parent myself well. I stay up way too late, indulge pretty much whatever whim I have and have spent my life putting whatever I want in my mouth. I never let my child get away with that kind of behavior so I don't know why I dont take care of myself the same way. I have to remind myself constantly that I need proper nutrients and liquids. I'm still working on getting enough sleep, but that's a tougher battle. Here I am at 10:49 at night drinking iced coffee and wondering why I'm not tired. Mimi, don't give up on yourself. Just keep plugging away until you find what's going to work. You only fail when you quit trying. Most of all, keep coming back here for support. Nobody knows what you're going through better than us. Hugs, Connie (*****ally doesn't have a clue, but is more than willing to pretend she does)

Hi connie! thanks for your support! Knowing that i am not alone helps alot. I feel alone here. I wish i had some support from my family or from a boyfrind, but for some reason, nothing ever turns out as I hope it would. except for this surgery. I was so happy that i had it even with all my struggles and issues post op, and now i am on the verge of losing the best thing that has ever happened to me! I am terrified! I have to keep moving or else i will just sink. thanks for your help! Thanks again, Mimi

wow! thanks for posting...this is exactly what i needed today. I am trying to get my head on straight...I've reached the point where i won't lose eating whatever i want and I can eat a normal sized meal now. Just know that you aren't alone...we all struggle with this one way or another. I'm here for you!

I stay so mad at myself !!!! There is no reason for me to be eating like crazy . I have a job I love. I am the manager of a school lunch and school will be out in 4 days. I have a wonderful husband who is behind me 100% no matter what I do . I have a good life and every thing is going good right now, so why am I so crazy ? I am going to call my surgeon next week when school is out and get him to get me an appointment with a therapist that works with him. I know what to eat I just need somebody to tell me why I'm doing this. Good luck, just remember we're all in this together. Judy

This is why my Doc preaches to us from the very beginning this surgury is not a cure for obeisity it is only the tool. We have to still do the rest. That means making the best choices we can in eating. Yup giving up those sugury stuff & salty treats. Try & stay away from the carbs, they only make you want more of them. Stick to protein for a couple of days and smaller meals. try to adjust yourself to eating only3 times day. Start drinking water today Or Chrystal lite something to help fill that void. Good Luck & Yes w are all struggling at this time (honeymoon period is over) so We have to wrok hard at this than we did in the beginning. Hang in There, it will get better. At lease you recognize you need to change something & you at least care, so that tells me you will correct what is needed to keep the weight off. Marilyn, the Bearlady