Distressed...

Well, here it is, Sunday night, and I just got back from bringing my son home from college in Atlanta. We put most of his stuff in storage and flew home this morning. On the way down, however, something happened that I found rather distressing, and I am sharing it here because my friends here are the ONLY people who can understand how this has tugged my heart, and how it is still on my mind. When I got off the plane, I had to take the Avis shuttle bus thingie to pick up my rental car. On this bus, there were seats, and then long benches at various heights for luggage. A very obese man entered the bus, and attempted to hoist himself on one of the higher luggage racks to sit down, since the bus was full. The two gentlemen sitting next to me immediately got up to let him sit, since there was no way he could get his body that high up to sit. When the poor man sat down, he was breathing so hard, and sweating so profusely, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. He looked at me and smiled and I smiled back....even though I wanted to cry. I can't explain why this made me so sad, I just felt so bad for this person...he was so big...and he seemed so physically taxed from his weight...I guess it brought me back to earlier times in my own life...yet I wasn't thinking of myself at the time I felt sad. I wish I could have reached out to him to tell him that I know what it feels like and that there is help out there...but of course, that wouldn't be appropriate. I just felt so bad....my heart went out to him. I wish I could explain how I felt.... Joan

Dearest Joanie, we will always recognize ourselves in morbidly obese people and for that I am thankful. I never, ever want to forget what it felt like, physically and emotionally, to live like that. In fact, as time continues to go by I find that I am less connected to that past and more removed from the pain of that existence; and that scares me. Like the pain of surgery, or childbirth, or breaking my arm when I was 11, I remember that I was in pain, but I don't remember the actual sensation of the pain itself. That's what it is like for me now, trying to remember, to conjure up the feelings in my head and in my body of living life (if you can call it that) weighing over 350 lbs. The day I dismiss that from my reality is the day I will start gaining it back, slowly at first, and then I will wake up one day to find myself over 200 again...and then...it may already be happening. Try to hold on to the past; that is the only way we will remain in a position to help people like this man, who took a seat next to you and had no idea that you were once so much more like him. He was probably thinking, "No one understands. How could they?" Don't feel badly about this, sweetie. The best thing you can do for people like him is to continue to take wonderful care of yourself. Have a great day, Reenie

Thanks for the kind understanding words, Reenie. I also think that it gives us a little "wake up" call....that if we're not careful and remain on course...well, we can gain. It is distressing and scary all at the same time. I knew I would find some understanding here...thanks again...Joanie

Joan, I know exactly how you feel. I posted many months ago that I seem to come across a lot of MO people in Wal-Mart. It breaks my heart to see them leaning heavily on a cart for support, bent over and stuggling to push themselves forward. There are times I just want to cry. I remember shopping in the middle of the night because I just didn't want to go out during daylight hours when most people were out. I was so miserable and depressed that I just didn't want to be near people. On a similar note... I've decided that I'm going to take my life in my hands here and reach out to a MO person. The Dude has a groupie that is MO. She's the one that called me a skinny B. When the Dude was here last night, we were talking about this woman and her predicament. The Dude talked to her the other night about the way she has been treating me and she's been much better. She's a single mother of 5 children and the Dude occasionally pays her to take the cover at the door or sell CDs. (Personally I wonder who's taking care of the 5 kids while she's in the bar all night, but that's my catty, nasty side.) It seems that all of her hostility for me is because someone has posted on his guestbook several times something to the effect of "Hey Dude, what's with the fat, dark haired chick that's always hanging around?" Of course she was really hurt and she thought I had written it since it was about that time that I showed up. Dude assured her that I wasn't that kind of person and tried to explain that I really am very nice and told her she may as well get use to having me around. I asked him if he had told her that I used to weigh 130 pounds more than I do now and know exactly what she feels like. He'd forgotten that. Anyway, I was going to tell Dude last night that I'm not going to see him anymore, but I've decided that I'm going to wait and talk to this girl first. I really do want her to know that there are options and she doesn't have to be this miserable. Wish me luck, I may get smacked. Connie

Thanks Connie....and you won't get smacked. You have a great way with words and expressing yourself the right way. The girl doesn't realize it but you are doing her the best favor of her life by talking to her. So you're dumping the Dude, eh? Hey, you deserve THE BEST. My new boyfriend treats me like royalty. I kinda like that...I never had that before and it's something you get used to rather quickly. I think he's a keeper....now go out and find yourself a keeper!!! Take care, be well, and THANKS!!!-----Joanie

Joan, I didn't get smacked. I didn't exactly tell her everything, but I opened a door. I started by buying her a drink and she had to thank me. Actually, she told me that the Dude had talked to her and she didn't realize that she was so rude. Hmmmmm.... I'm not sure how you wouldn't realize that calling someone a skinny B is rude, but never mind. In any case, I just told her that I had a lot of clothes that I thought she might be interested in and would love to give them to her if she wanted them. She looked at me like I was nuts and I told her that I had lost 130 pounds and had clothes in just about every size. I gave her my number and told her that if she was interested in the clothes or wanted to talk about how I had lost the weight, to give me a call. She seemed pretty open to it so we'll see. As for dumping the Dude, I tried tonight, but failed miserably. He just found out that he's being audited by the IRS, is being taken to court for more child support, leaving for a tour in Ireland in a few days and has a really nasty cold. His whole life is always filled with drama and trauma, which is why I have to end this, but I just didn't have the heart. I'm a wimp. I've GOT to do this before he leaves for Ireland though. I'm so glad that you've found someone who makes you happy. That's wonderful. It gives me hope. Connie

Since my weight loss, I have become more and more aware of MO people. My heart goes out to them and I want to hug them and tell them my story and let them know there is a possibility of help. I have not gone up to them as yet except to one person at work. And he is in the process of trying to get approved for the surgery. As I read your post I thought about maybe we should develope a pamphlet to hand out giving them information, website details, etc letting them know there could be help. Maybe it could be given to them in a non-offensive way. Just a thought. I guess we all see the sitations, our hearts go out to them and we can relate and do not want them going thru the hurt, pain and suffering anymore. We also know, life can be a lot better.

Martha, I think that's a great idea! Sort of like an outreach program...enlist doctors to refer their obese patients. Congrats on reaching out to the guy at work. You've changed his life for the better...and probably opened his eyes to the best gift he'll ever give himself. Bless you! Joanie

In my church the pastors daughter is very large, probably 450+. She is very pretty and dresses nicely. She is only 21 years old. I see her in me. I pray she will make this decision for herself and not spend her life going through what I did in my youth. She is a teacher and is very smart and I know it would make all the difference in her life. She and I used to talk frequently. Now I know she avoids me and that hurts my feelings. I would never judge her and still consider her to be a friend.

Hi Joan; I know exactly what you mean. I want to "preach" to every MO person I meet, but of course, this is the wrong thing to do. We all must make this very big decision for ourselves in our own time. It is really difficult to see people obviously suffering the effects of obesity. I really feel their pain and want to ease their suffering. I guess that the best that we can do for them is remember our own pain and try to treat them as we wished to be treated. I must admit, however that when I see a person like the man you described, I also find myself praying for the strength to stay on course and not revert to my old self-destructive ways. Mike