Too Thin?

Last night I threw a dinner party for my staff and their significant others to express my appreciation for all the hard work they've done over the last 6 months. I've spent the week cooking for over 40 people. Even when I was a rollie-polie girl, I didn't have much of an appetite when I was cooking. If I had been a caterer, I would have never needed wls. Anyway, I've also had some sort of intestinal thing going on. It may be my irritable bowel syndrome flaring back up, but everything I eat gives me issues (she puts in the most delicate way possible) and I haven't felt like eating. I am eating, but I have to be very careful about it to keep things intestinally sound. Compare that to six months ago when I couldn't have a bowel movement without dynamite and divine intervention. I'm at the point where losing a couple of pounds is noticible. How great is that compared to the days when losing 20 pounds didn't make a dent? I weigh 160 pounds, I wear a large top and size 10 to 12 pants. I think that under any cir****tances, I would be considered "normal" sized. I'm getting a lot of feedback (even from people that barely know me) that I should stop losing. People are having heart to heart conversations with me in the hall, at my desk, on the phone, in the car, in a box with a fox. Last night, I was serving and conversing with guests and normally I don't eat when I throw a party like that. I'm trying to keep glasses full, conversation going and guests fed. I must have been asked 20 times if I had eaten yet. I finally ate something to shut people up. One of my staff said, "Thank God you're eating. I feel better now. We're all worried about you." So here's the thing... I can see how people with bulimia or anorexia develop their eating disorders. I'm getting a heck of a lot of attention. People are genuinely concerned and I could see how this would be be fuel for someone to keep losing weight. It's annoying the hell out of me, but I can see how it would be wonderful attention for some people. I'm also starting to wonder if I'm not suffering from some sort of body dysmorphia and I really don't see myself as I am. Why are all these people so concerned? I look at the facts - 160 pounds and size 10/12. My clothes fit and are not hanging off my frame. I don't see this as too thin. Maybe I'm not seeing what everyone else is. If just a couple of people had said something, I would have taken it as a platitude, but now I'm starting to second guess myself. Anyone else grappling with this? Connie

Hey Connie; As always, you've taken an issue and put the arrow right in the bullseye!! I have been dealing with this issue myself lately. While you may not be grossly "underweight" at 160, you have fallen totally off the chart in the perception of those who knew you Pre-Surgery. To their point of reference, your terrific weight loss equates to anorexia or even cancer! If your situation is anything like mine, the people who have met you more recently, have no such worries. I recently had an experience which really brought the perception of others into focus: I encountered a guy at work who hadn't seen me since I was at my fattest. At the time he saw me, I had also just gotten a very short haircut and was wearing a shirt that was overdue for retirement to the "Oversized Bag". The total result was that while he greeted me warmly, he looked very upset and I just wrote it off as some trouble he was having personally. I learned later that he was asking around if I was going through chemo-therapy or some other nasty treatment!! People seem to file you away in a particular catagory file and don't handle it well when you force them to re-catagorize you. I don't know if they feel threatened by change or what, but it's their issue and you shouldn't make it yours. I don't believe that you should second-guess yourself as long as you feel good and your doctor is happy with your results. In my opinion, you should look at their concern as coming from people who care which, though irritating, is also rather nice. I still have a hard time thinking of myself as anything other than a Fat Guy, so I can understand why others are also slow to adjust. I'm still getting a tingle of pleasure at small things like clothes shopping. Just yesterday, I was trying on jeans when I came to the realization that I needed to buy size 38 and that even 36 was OK if a bit snug across the tummy flap!! I can't even remember when my jean size didn't begin with a 4 or even a five. Even when I lost over 100 pounds on "Optifast", I only got down to a size 40 in jeans! I realize that sizes have crept upward in recent years, but it's still a thrill to be here!! Well, my mouth(and keyboard) runneth over as usual, Connie, but the bottom line is: do what's right for you and let everyone else deal with it!! Mike

Mike, Woohoo! Congratulations on the size 36. You have a smaller waist than my 20 year old son. Yeah, I'm going to heed your advice. I still have a little way to go. I'm just gonna keep moving in my own time. Hugs, Connie

Yup. In fact, sista, I think we have mirrored each other the whole nine yards in this journey, didn't we start out together with back-to-back surgery dates and at pretty much the same weight? And here we are, within 2 lbs. of each other. Here's the thing, and there is no way to put this delicately. When I went to the PS for my consult, he had me literally lift the belly stuff up off my frame and hold it straight out in front of me. He then asked me to turn sideways for my photo-op (good lord!) That's when he said, "Man, that's a lot of belly skin for such a little person." I got such a kick out of that! Then I went home and did the same thing, stood sideways in front of a mirror and pulled the stuff straight out and away from my body. Connie, underneath that belly is a VERY THIN woman! I suspect when this is removed, I might lose another 20 lbs, that's how much of this "159 lbs." is my belly. People are telling me the same thing, you need to stop losing, you're too thin, I'm worried about you, will you stop losing?, are you able to stop losing?, how DO you stop losing? I usually wake up in the middle of the night several times - it's my best thinking time. Last night at around 3:00 a.m., I lay on my back and ran my hand across my chest (the girls each went east and west with a seeming quest to go around the world), down my ribs and rested my palms right under my ribs and the word that came to mind was: Biafra. Remember the Biafra babies? Starvation? I have to admit I was startled, Connie. My sternum is protruding underneath a very thin layer of skin; my ribs are very pronounced and the area just below is a sunken hollow of what used to be a mountain of flesh. So, my dear friend, to answer your question: too thin? Yes, I think this merits pause and serious consideration. Make sure you are getting in very healthful eating every day. And keep tabs on this, ok? I must admit after last night I'm slightly, oh so slightly, concerned that I can't put the brakes on this. Love ya, too, sweetie. Reenie

Reenie, I think you're taller than I am so at a couple of pounds less than me, you are probably getting thin. I, of course, am still in denial. lol I am a little worried that EVERYTHING makes me want to hurl these days. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I feel my hip bones. I'm so surprised how small they really are. Laying on my back, they stick out everywhere. Today I realized that you can see my chest muscles. I think I'm supposed to have boobs to cover the muscles, but those have slid south. A couple of weeks ago I had a strange growth on my chest and kept pressing on it until I made it sore. I was sitting in a meeting when I suddenly realized that it was my sternum. OK, I didn't realize it, someone had to tell me. My size tens and twelves are getting baggy in the butt and legs. I figured that it was time to go get some new clothes today. Nope. I can't get anything smaller around my belly. Clothes are starting to look silly. I'm really relating to what Mike says about the way his pants fit. I'm a size 8 woman wearing a size 26 skin suit. Connie

Well, after reading everyone's response to your post on this, I've decided I'm still wrestling with the body image thing and just can't wrap my head around being normal sized. By the way, I'm 5'4", what are you? Just keep doing what you're doing...any news on the PS fight? Have a great day, my friend. Reenie

Reenie, I don't know why, but I thought that you were 5'8" or 5'9". You must type statuesquely. I'm 5'5". I'm putting together my appeal for ps. United Health Care is tough. First of all, my surgeon sent the request to the wrong department, but instead of routing it to the right one, they just denied. Their denial reason is that there is no evidence that removing ten pounds of flesh from the front will help the back. My brother works at the University of Md and is working on his Phd, so I've got him researching studies for my appeal. I'm having trouble getting documentation and a letter of medical necessity from my pcp. He's all in favor and very supportive, his letter writing skills suck and he's totally disorganized. As of this morning, I've taken on 4 pounds of water weight. I know it's water weight because I've been eating pickles and ham and my hands are stiff. Gotta go take my vitamins and start pumping in the water. Have a great day, you petite vixen, you. Connie

Hi Connie: I think Mike's answer was perfect. I am around 5'7" and now weigh 128 and wear size 4/6. People who never commented on my fat condition do occassionally tell me to stop losing weight. I pay no attention to them at all and neither should you. Why should you eat just to keep the gossips at bay. I think you should set up some clear lines of communications and let them know that they cannot discuss your weight loss with you. Just tell them that you are following your doctor's guidelines and that's that. I really hate being the subject of gossip and conjecture but if I am then let it be behind my back and they can speculate all they want among themselves. Since I never told anyone that I had wls they must think I have an eating disorder but I don't care what they think. My surgeon is delighted with my loss and my labs. My weight and size has stayed the same for the last few months---soon they'll find someone else to worry about. Keep up nthe good work. Louise

There is no "normal" in America anymore. The average weight for an American woman today is in the "overweight" category on the BMI chart, so if you are in the "normal" BMI range now, you are thinner than the average - which doesn't mean unhealthy, but would make you appear not-normal to the typical person. Hope that makes sense. I do have concerns about how much of the remaining weight is excess skin - ie, how much does the functioning part of me weigh these days? But I am not scared of the bones I never had before. I've been stable for a long time now.. in fact, for good measure, I'd like to lose another eight pounds, and get to 147, but I haven't been putting an effort into it. I also stopped buying the tightest-possible pants that I could wedge myself into. I do have trouble seeing myself realistically at times. I try to take lots of pictures with me and people I consider to be a good size, so that I can see how I compare, and get it through my head. And I take measurements and stuff. My mind is not automatically updating. And I've been this weight for so long (a few months), that I have this subconscious urge that it's about time I gained some weight, I keep expecting my clothes to get tighter on me on their own, which is wierd, and not good. But I guess it takes time to accept. Jen

ugh. 'sigh' comments. Just had one. I hate them sometimes. Don't you worry about it. I would take about 10 pounds off your current weight (skin) and then check what your weight should be for your height. I am completely overweight still. I am only 5'4. So I have a long ways to go. 'sigh' just take that 10 or so pounds off and then add the numbers. Dont fret. If your doc says your good then you are. If you feel great and your labs are great then dont worry about it. People would love to think that there is something "wrong" with you. Who knows why they think that way. Their insecurities? Their urge to gossip? Who the heck knows. I hate it though. Someone told me that I was getting too thin not too long ago and I just gave them a weird look. Shoot I still have like 70 pounds to loose! I'm over 200 pounds!!! Give me a break!!! (and yep they were serious too not just the usual cute little joke) too skinny my big ol' butt. 'Whatever you need to say to make yourself feel better' I thought to myself. I call them leeches. They like to latch on and suck all the good energy and good vibes from you. I guess they are seriously lacking. Then sometimes I guess people are just so use to us being so big that maybe in their eyes we look too different and it just doesnt register that its healthy??? Its hard to tell. Hang in there girl! Dont worry about them! ELizabeth M