ASHAMED AND REACHING OUT

It takes courage -- or something -- to admit this. Like Delilah, I am having problems with food. There's no delicate way to put this so here goes...I can't stop eating. No matter my good intentions, I can't stop sabatoging myself with eating things that I know will derail my weight loss efforts. I don't know what's going on. I feel secretive (again), eating on the sly, hoping no one catches me, all those old, horrible feelings of sadness and failure and frustration. So I'm asking for a show of hands -- those of you who are behaving similarly, can you join me in standing together to face this demon with the hopes of finding a reasonable, collective solution? And those of you who are not going through this, can you share how you are managing your cravings (if any), how you are soothing your emotions in ways alternative to stuffing them down with food? I'm terrified. Thanks. Maureen

Maureen, I am waving my hand in support. The last 2 weeks were the worst for me. And thankfully I got on the scale and i had gained 2 lbs. I was scared to death and felt like I was failing and it forced me to look at what had changed from the last few months with my eating and what I was doing now. (also was able to look on my fitday postings, another good reason to journal) This week is going much better, but if I had my way I would LOVE to be rummaging in the cupboard for something. Luckily I dump on sugar and cant eat breads, tortillas, and such because they stick REALLY bad, so that does limit what one can sabotage themselves with, but calories are calories and I love them. I did realize I was picking a snack here and there and it was getting to be more here and less there, and that wasnt something I had done in previous months. So this week I went back to 2-3 meals a day. I usually only get 2 because if I am honest with myself I really am not hungry more than what I eat in 2 meals. I even slacked on my protein drinks last week and I know that was a big no-no. I did come to conclusion that one of my biggest problems was time on my hands, I am the mother of 7 (ages 8-14), and I have a busy day with housekeeping, laundry, and the school activities but still I had too much time if I wanted to eat instead of doing something, so I have changed my workout routine to during the day when the kids are gone, I do weightlifting in the morning and walking outside or on the treadmill in the afternoon. This has also brought a big discussion up with my husband that now that I have all this extra energy I think I would like to go back to work part-time. He is very supportive of whatever I think is best for me as long as I keep in perspective our children and family first. I have come up with one idea that might help you, it has really helped me. I love iced latte, it is my passion, I make my own espresso and use sugar free torani syrups in it along with 8 oz of skim milk. It is my favorite way to unwind in the evening. I gave myself three rules to follow for the day:1. No snacks, 2. Exercise, and 3. Protein drinks. If I do those things during the day I am allowing myself to have one in the evening. It helps me work toward that goal all day as I look so forward to that wonderful beverage. I know I dont have this food demon whipped and it will always be a battle, but for now I feel strong and in control again. I will pray for you that you can feel that same control again. Maybe you should consider a few therapy sessions with someone who specializes in eating issues. We all know when they fix our stomach they dont do a thing to our brains!!! God Bless you Maureen, Janelle

I HAVE BOTH HANDS UP! SOME DAYS I FEEL LIKE A COMPLETE FAILURE. WHAT AM I DOING TO MYSELF. I LIKE YOU GET TO HAVING A PITY PARTY AND FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF BECAUSE THE HONEYMOON IS OVER WHERE I COULD EAT ANYTHING AND LOSE WEIGHT. NOW I MUST WORK AT IT. I ONLY HAVE ABOUT 9 OR 10 MORE POUNDS THAT I WANT TO LOSE BUT IF I DON'T GET ON THE WAGON, I FEEL I MIGHT FAIL....NO NO NO NO NO NO NO I WON'T ACCEPT FAILURE. WE CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!

Hi Reenie, I have both my hands up as well. I used the website below. I saw a couple of post op people of 2 and 3 years and they stated that the pouch rule for dummies is what they result back too. Sometimes it is easy for us to forget. So, none of us are failures, GOD did not bring us this far to leave us alone. I are very fortunate loosers and we will reach our bodies goal. Hopefully this website helps get you back on track, because it helped me. And every now and then I just go and read my profile to give myself a wake call. LUV you all. JanetN http://www.wlsfriends.com/pouchrules.html

You are not alone- I am doing the same things- buying ice cream, hiding it behind other frozen food and then eating it in secret. Yesterday I ate over 2000 calories- maybe even 3000. I was starving and then I went crazy. Then today I have had about 400 calories and it is 4 pm. So some days are good. i am still exercising most days. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week to talk to someone. I do not know why I am doing these things. I have done so well and why do I want to sabotage myself? There is some crazy person inside of me. I am fighting this, but it seems so similar to how I was before the surgery. I never want to be fat again and I have got to figure out how to be normal. I never have been though, so it a difficult thing to learn. I think maybe if I splurge every other day and behave the other days it might be enough. But I want to learn how to eat in moderation all the time.

Yes the munchies have struck me too. I own a bakery/cafe and am around food all day. Unfortunately I can tolerate almost everything (no fried foods) especially the pastries. I have been making a concerted effort to "watch what I put in my mouth" but lately it has been hard. I broke my ankle in October and exercise pretty much stopped. I have been out of the cast about 3-4 weeks and getting going again is tough. I see a psychologist and he has said that with some of the challenges that I am dealing with right now, maitenance is a good thing. Unfortunately I have added about 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks. Maybe all this has to do with how far out we are and the amount that we have lost turning our brains to mush. I know I am not getting enough protien bu****er has been good. I think I need a kick in the pants to even reach my goal. I still need to lose 50 lbs. It has been months (since Oct) since I have lost anything. I'm getting more and more depressed and the cycle begins again. Eat, get depresssed, eat some more. My pdoc has a big challenge with me!!

Dean Reenie, Both hands and both legs too! I have been munching for the last few months..I always seem to push the limits. Now if they could do the "brain by-pass" we would be perfect! Thanks for posting, it helps to know we are not alone. Donna 264/150/144

Dear Maureen: I am so sorry that you find yourself out of control. I don't know what to tell you but I did want to say that I care and hope that you'll be OK and get back on track. God bless you. I will keep you in my prayers. Love, Louise

Oh Maureen......I sense your "All or nothing at all" attitude is taking over again.....STOP IT!!!!!! Yes, you are having difficulties; Yes it's frightening; Yes you need to get it under control; and NO....YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!! I struggle with this issue evey day too, and the way I'm fighting it is to use the tried and true method of "ONE DAY AT A TIME". Just last weekend, I bought a large bag of pretzels and ate the whole damn thing. My daughter made a big batch of cookies and I snuck more than a few. I had a bad few days. By Monday, I had gained 2 lbs.. I was not a happy camper. I just made it a point to follow the bad days up with as many good days as possible. Guess what? I got rid of that 2 lbs. already! Lets face it gang.... we're going to be fighting this fight for the rest of our lives. We must remember that when we fall, we must get up and try again. You will only fail if you give up. Even if you go totally off the deep end one day every week and do the right thing on the other six, you are going to keep losing weight. Do the math...... there's no voodoo here....it's simple arithmetic. With your tiny pouch, you can't possibly consume enough calories in one day to gain much more than a pound. It's when that bad day leads to another and another and another that things go bad and that leads to giving up altogether and its right back to morbid obesity. I know....been there, done that got the tee shirt as have everyone else on this board!!! The thing that's going to make this tool work for us is slamming on the brakes when we have a bad day. I have had many bad days, but I've noticed that even though my weight is fluctuating up and down, the tendency is still down. I will lose a few, gain a few, but after a while, I notice that even on the up days, my weight is still a bit lower than it was a month ago. Please try to stay positive and follow up your stumbles with flight!!! Take a look at your profile and realize how far you have come in less than a year! I'm not going to let you get down on yourself.... you've come too far! Keep posting, my friend, we'll get through this together. Mike

Yeahhhhhh Mike! You are my hero, Oh Wise One. Connie