Does more spousal attention bother you?

I was thinking a lot about a woman who posted an another forum I'm on about how wls has ruined her marriage. She went on to say that her husband was more attentive and frisky with her and paid more attention to her. She was angry because he was obviously happy with her changes and felt he was holding back on her before. I didn't respond to her because I didn't want to offend her, but my thoughts are this: Isn't it a bit wrong for us to get angry at spouses for appreciating how we look now when WE ourselves (in general) are more pleased with our own appearance? I dunno, I just don't think there is anything to take offense at. If I didn't like how I looked before, I not only looked that way, but I also was probably outwardly displaying my displeasure in how I looked, which reflected on me in many ways. If I am happy with my new appearance and feel I look better, why should I be angry with my husband because he agrees? Maybe I see this perspective because my own DH has gained weight since we got married. I still love him regardless of size. But I would be lying to say that I didn't find him more attractive when he was slimmer. Is it just me who feels this way? Dina

without having read the thread to which you are referring- i would have to agree with you! i know that i was thoroughly disgusted with my own appearance and therefore my sexuality and self esteem were buried.....i didn't want to be seen. touched, photgraphed- didn't want to leave the house- could have cared less about hair and makeup! maybe she had some underlying issues with hubby before-or wonders if he was lying to her prior to her wls.... i am loving the new attention my hubby pays- however; i have to walk that fine line so he doesn't get jealous of me when i am away from him--i don't do anything to make him jealous--i just have to remember that he appreciates seeing my hair done and makeup and clothes --not just my jammies all of the time we are together!(hope that made snese!)

I was one who found a pic of myself and tossed it at him and asked how he found THAT attractive! Yes I was disgusted with me, he however never really saw what I did. He was 'looking in' while I was looking AT. It's not that he didn't see that I was fat, he did, and while he preferred the slimmer me he still loved the fat me. He's so awesome! He never fails to comment on my 'nice butt' and how I look better. Last week he even said I look good when I'm at the computer concentrating and in a hurry. I didn't get it then but he was saying the whole package is better. OH and the man is TIRELESS which suits me juuuuuuussssstttt fine! ZBut those stories are private! Lovin' my man, L&H Gayle

GOSH! I think that when I was heavier I couldn't understand why my DH loved me because I didn't love myself. Now that I am much more comfortable with myself, and how I look and I just plain feel better, I expect HIM to love me more, better. BUT that isn't happening. He loves me still, and loves me the same. I wish he would be a tad (OK a BUNCH more interested) but he has said many times, I look the same to him because he loves "ME" not the size, shape of me just me! does that make sense, NIC 291/168/145

Dina, First let me say.......beautiful you!!! I LOVE the new picture, you are glowing! My husband and I had a conversation about this same thing the other day. We were talking about how I felt physically, carried myself now, and how he thought I felt and looked. One comment he made which kind of made sense to me was, I dont want to tell you all the time how great you look because I dont want you to think I thought you looked that bad before the weight loss. Although he loves the new me, and gives me many compliments he doesnt want me to become so obsessed with the loss because "I think" I have to get thinner and thinner for him. He wants me to be happy, confident, and feeling good physically. I am much more pleased with my appearance and if Mark enjoys that by becoming more frisky and I can fulfill his dreams better now, than that too has been an advantage for me. I think the main phrase thru all this is "I thought" "I think" "You thought" and "You think". Its all about what we think and sometimes thinking just gets us into way too much trouble, maybe we need to just live and be happy with where we are right now and not think about it so much!!!! Janelle

I'm with you Dina. I didn't like the way I was before and knew I looked awful...I couldn't expect my husband to think I was attractive that way. (even though he says he did bless his heart) anyways... I didn't and now I notice he notices me a little more than before ... but not out of the ordinary. I would never expect him to physically be attracted to the old me... Heck or even the new me with all this skin (sheesh) but I am definitely feeling better about myself regardless and that shows and she must try to understand that aspect of it. Our emotions have so much to do with it. Seems a bit ungrateful to me. Would she rather NOT have the attention... I think shes sounds like she is just insecure all together. thats ashame

I totally agree with you Dina! I often wondered how my wife tolerated living with me the way I was. I was unhappy; often grouchy; never wanted to do anything; and in general, was cumbersome to live with. I guess that love is really blind!!! She is certainly a lot more interested these days and I can't see why that should anger me. The fact that I look and feel better makes her happy and her happiness pleases me. What's not to like??!! It sounds like the woman you are refering to has some other "issues" to work out. Mike