Compliments as insults

I'm sitting here this morning pretty peeved at something that happened this morning so I thought I'd vent off. I've been spending time with some folks from my local wls support group and one woman in particular has some SERIOUS issues and is proving to be a difficult person to be around. She is the kind of person who is fun at first but then really grates on your nerves over time. I will spare all of the details, but suffice it to say that she extremely manipulative and is an attention ***** So last time we did our walk, I didn't see her coming although I looked right at her because she looked smaller to me. (She is 3 years out btw). So when she said something and said I looked right at her, I told her that I didn't recognize her right away because she wasn't wearing her puffy jacket and she looked smaller to me. I then complimented her outfit and we went on. Well, today we had our little get-together at the buffet for breakfast and the first thing she mentions is that she is wearing a pink sweater because she didn't want to be "green" since her puffy green jacket makes her look so fat. She then told everyone how I told her that the jacket made her look large. I made a quick comment about how I had actually complimented her new outfit and that sometimes clothing helps us look more slender. But generally, she tried to make me look like an ass in front of everyone. I wanted to absolutely throttle the witch. I have sat here contemplating calling her and ripping her a new one, writing her an email or SOMETHING. But I decided to hold my tongue and wait until I see her next and hope that I come up with something that gets my point across and puts her in her place. Mostly I'm just here venting off about it because I need to. Just goes to prove that having this surgery doesn't fix your emotional baggage. DH says that I should just be passive aggressive and when I see her next to say "Oh, I see you are wearing that jacket again...." Don't know if I can be that catty though. Dina

Dina, As usual, I'm going to answer your post in a long-winded reply and hope I get my point across. Sometimes I just don't know how to do the Reader's Digest version. I work with a woman who I find to be very delightful, in small doses. She has a huge heart, is very caring and then can cut you to the quick in a heartbeat. I just never know which way she's going to turn so I try to limit my contact with her, even though I usually enjoy her company. Last fall, she asked me if I would host a surprise birthday party for her husband. I readily agreed and then she told me she was going to hire a cleaning company to come in and clean before the party. I has a little insulted and told her that my house was always clean, but she explained that she was sure that I would be dusting and vacuuming before the party and she wanted this party to be no work for me. I figured if she wanted to spend her money this way, it was unnecessary, but fine with me. The cleaning crew came and went, frankly the house was not much cleaner after they left than before they came, but what the heck. This woman and I belong to the same book group. She always wants to have the meetings at her house, but we rotate. It was my month to host the meeting and a week or two before she came to me and asked if I wanted to have it at her house so I wouldn't have to clean. Again with the cleaning thing. I declined the offer and walked away. Two days before book group, she again asked if we could move it to her place and mentioned that I wouldn't have to clean if we did. I asked her if she had a problem with my house and if there was something about my house that wasn't clean. She said my house was fine and she was just trying to help because she knows how much I work. I took her reply at face value and decided that I was just being paranoid. Well, the night of book group, she showed up 1/2 an hour late while everyone was in the kitchen eating canapes and drinking wine. She looks at the hanging wine glass rack and says in a voice loud enough to wake the dead, "Oh my God! Would you look at the dust on that? We're not drinking out of those glasses are we?" I ignored her and kept talking to someone else, but I'm sure that everyone heard. Here's the deal, that wine rack was dusted the day before. In spite of my better judgement, I had become so paranoid about her remarks that I called in sick to work and spent the whole day scrubbing my house. I scrubbed baseboards, Q-tipped the corners, washed walls, trimmed dead leaves on the plants. That house was gleaming. In fact, people commented on how shiny the floors were. After everyone left, I called my sister and asked if my house was dirty. She laughed and reminded me that after surgery, friends and family had to take turns babysitting me to make sure that I wouldn't be up and cleaning before I was supposed to. She also reminded me that I had ripped open my own incision the day after surgery moving a recliner in my hospital room to pick up stuff behind it. I explained my paranoia and she asked why I was making this woman's issues my own. Obviously she has issues and a need to make someone else feel inferior, why was I letting her do this to me? I guess my point is this - the woman in your support group has issues. Don't let her inflict them on you. Don't let her suck you into her defensiveness and pettiness. Just ignore her and move on. If she brings the issue up again she'll be the one who looks like an ass. If you protest, she'll know she got to you. I really think her own insecurities are causing her to over-react to your compliment. Hugs, Connie (who seems to be rambling again today)

i personally love it when you ramble- i feel as if we are talking!!! so , please know that i was teasing about the clock building comment!!! meant in fun!!!! oh--as for the cleaning- geez- she probly washes her own dishes seperately from her hubbies!!!!! i always felt that dust was a protective covering for my furniture~!!!!!!

Margo, I often tell people that they asked what time it was and I told them how to build a watch. I have weekly meetings with my staff and many, many times someone will say, "Oh no, I hear a story coming on." I think it's genetic... my father is an old Choctaw storyteller. So no worries. I was not at all insulted by the clock building comment. Connie

Connie, that woman sounds like she has SERIOUS problems...fetish or compulsions or whatever you call it...but one of those cleanliness freaks...like anorexics who see themselves as fat she imagines germs and dust. I know a woman who won't use other people's bath rooms, will not drink anywhere to the point of dehydration and rolls her pants legs up when she sits so they don't touch the floor. Takes all kinds. Sally

i'm not going to build a clock as connie did-iam goning to tell you the time- the broad has issues and she is the a**----it will show-- i hope that your venting to us helped!!!! i am so glad to hear you both on here talking so freely--it makes me feel good!

Hey Guys, I would wait and see how she lets things lay, if she doesn't well, right about round two the hissing would start and the claws would come out.... pointing at her lovely jacket! L&H Gayle

Hey Guys, I would wait and see how she lets things lay, if she doesn't well, right about round two the hissing would start and the claws would come out.... pointing at her lovely jacket! L&H Gayle

Good Grief. You didnt say SHE was puffy you said her jacket was. Shes just one of those jerks that has to make jokes out of others so she sounds "witty?" yeah well she sounds like an a$$ instead. and that clean freak person>... you know thats an illness.. those people that freak out over germs and such. She DEFINITELY has issues...jealousy or otherwise. People amaze me with their ignorance sometimes honestly. Elizabeth M